Got dumped for the first time ever. is there still hope?
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    Got dumped for the first time ever. is there still hope?

    I think I got dumped. For the first time ever (until now I was always the one ending the relationship). Yesterday. (I posted this in love forum already, but this seems more appropriate, sorry for double posting).

    I say "I think" because he said he needs some time alone to process everything. He then wrote me a long long letter, which to sum up is like this:

    1. There has been a lot of changes in his life recently and in mine too, but fewer. And it's a lot for him to handle right now, so he said he needs at least some time alone to think things trough.

    2. He also has some doubts about me and he said he is afraid to fut the effort and time and get hurt in the end. And this is because when we started seeing each other about six weeks ago we were both basically cheating on our partners (we were both in relationships with other people). And I totally understand him, because I have same fears about him. Well I HAD them, now the fear became the reality and I am deeply hurt.

    3. he is also a complicated guy and a bit depressive and he said that all the changes (new studies/ moved back in with his parents, due to low scholarship/ left his gf after 3 years together, 2 of which they lived together/ started a new relationship with me) all happened so quickly that only now he started to realize everything what happened.

    4.And also that he feels worse and worse everyday about what he did to his ex. He said she spend 3 years of her life with him and sacrificed so much and he treated her so horribly (basically cheated on her, though we weren't intimate until we broke off our previous relationships) and that he broke her heart and hurt her terribly and he blames himself for that a lot and feels really shitty about himself now and because of that he treats me worse and worse...

    5. also he wrote that he is thinking way too much about me and our relationship and isn't thinking at all about studying, which is extremely important at this stage of his life, because he is basically changing his careers and a lot of the future depends on these studies. And he blames himself for spending too much time thinking about us and not focusing on studying..

    I then wrote him a very long letter back explaining how I was also trying to protect myself from being hurt and explaining how I really feel about him and our relationship and I spilled everything, which he thanked me for and said he didn't even realize before how strongly I feel about him. But he still needs at least some time alone..

    We are meeting up on monday again (we are studying together) and should talk about all this. And I am scared to death of what he might say..

    Do you guys think there is still a chance to save our relationship or does all of this sound too much and I shouldn't hope for anything..? Cuz i can't think clearly at all..

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    Quote Originally Posted by lovemenot View Post
    I think I got dumped. For the first time ever (until now I was always the one ending the relationship). Yesterday. (I posted this in love forum already, but this seems more appropriate, sorry for double posting).

    I say "I think" because he said he needs some time alone to process everything. He then wrote me a long long letter, which to sum up is like this:

    1. There has been a lot of changes in his life recently and in mine too, but fewer. And it's a lot for him to handle right now, so he said he needs at least some time alone to think things trough.

    2. He also has some doubts about me and he said he is afraid to fut the effort and time and get hurt in the end. And this is because when we started seeing each other about six weeks ago we were both basically cheating on our partners (we were both in relationships with other people). And I totally understand him, because I have same fears about him. Well I HAD them, now the fear became the reality and I am deeply hurt.

    3. he is also a complicated guy and a bit depressive and he said that all the changes (new studies/ moved back in with his parents, due to low scholarship/ left his gf after 3 years together, 2 of which they lived together/ started a new relationship with me) all happened so quickly that only now he started to realize everything what happened.

    4.And also that he feels worse and worse everyday about what he did to his ex. He said she spend 3 years of her life with him and sacrificed so much and he treated her so horribly (basically cheated on her, though we weren't intimate until we broke off our previous relationships) and that he broke her heart and hurt her terribly and he blames himself for that a lot and feels really shitty about himself now and because of that he treats me worse and worse...

    5. also he wrote that he is thinking way too much about me and our relationship and isn't thinking at all about studying, which is extremely important at this stage of his life, because he is basically changing his careers and a lot of the future depends on these studies. And he blames himself for spending too much time thinking about us and not focusing on studying..

    I then wrote him a very long letter back explaining how I was also trying to protect myself from being hurt and explaining how I really feel about him and our relationship and I spilled everything, which he thanked me for and said he didn't even realize before how strongly I feel about him. But he still needs at least some time alone..

    We are meeting up on monday again (we are studying together) and should talk about all this. And I am scared to death of what he might say..

    Do you guys think there is still a chance to save our relationship or does all of this sound too much and I shouldn't hope for anything..? Cuz i can't think clearly at all..
    HI there - please refer to my post in your other thread. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you both as this is important in understanding whether this can be salvaged or not.

    Thanks

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    what we think is unimportant
    it doesnt help you

    either you both make it happen or you dont.
    stop thinking about what is likely or not. start actually doing something.

    What you want to hear? that everything is gonna be all right ?
    If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
    I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
    If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.

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    Why do you want someone who seems hung up on the ex?

    I'll tell you what no one else who commented has.

    You are a rebound and now that a little time passed and he got to know you; he feels bad, so he'd rather let you go instead of using you as an emotional cushion to get over his ex.

    Consider yourself lucky to have found this out so early, instead of being led on for months only to discover that he was never serious about you.

    I could list every potential answer there is, but I'm not one to sugarcoat the more obvious conclusion. You have been rejected and he is too nice to be blunt about it.

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