Arrogance,Superiority Complex or plain stupidity?

[AngelsBreath]

hi i have been wondering about my attidude,and sometimes disturbed by it.since i graduated college,i have been hearing a lot about this attitude that i am not sure of.

i have a big problem with authority and criticism,at work,i take hard criticisms as personal attack,i know this is unprofessional but i just cant help it,

whenever someone bitch at me at home,i bitch back,i cant control my temper,i always automatically think of ways to get around a remark,i never let people win an arguement even if it progresses into a fight.i hate this feeling,this attitude has just developed when i finished school,i was a cool kid who doesnt take everything seriously,but now everything seems to be serious to me.i know and i think it is stupid to dismiss constructive criticisms,but i really get angry and most of the time i take it personal.i get hurt easily.

[IndiReloaded]

Criticism is an opportunity for growth. When you receive it, instead of getting angry simply think 'thank you'. After that, you can decide whether to act on it or not.

Now, some ppl have problems distinguishing between personal attacks and criticism of actions. Both on the giving and receiving end. If someone attacks you personally, its safest to assume they were really criticising an act not you as a person. This requires some maturity & self-esteem.

Theres a good buddhist saying for this, btw: if someone calls you a dog, before you bite them, first check to see if you actually have a tail.

[Gigabitch]

That's insecurity, AngelsBreath. I should know. If you deal with that, you'll get some perspective.

[v0ndutch]

my grandfather told me one thing when it came to hard criticism;

if I really don't like someone, then there's no need to give them hard criticism, because that will let them know exactly what is wrong with them, and how they can change.

if I really like someone, then they actually need to hear criticism so they know exactly what to fix.

when he told me this, he was talking about a soup place. he went in one day to get his soup, and he knew the owner. the owner asked him how he liked his soup, and my grandfather said, it's the worst soup i've ever tasted "no wonder i'm your only customer". the owner took it pretty hard, but asked what was "off" exactly.

my grandfather went on about how watery it was, how bland it was, how this chicken soup had no chicken in it, and only the black parts of the chicken. since then, the owner changed not only the chicken soup, but all other soups. before you knew it, his store was packed with people, to the point where the lines were too frustrating to wait on that people would leave.

the owner simply made the best soup there was around the area, and other soup places just couldn't understand it.

I think what i'm trying to say is that, criticism is the best thing you can give to a person. even if it's your parents telling you that you're never able to take the trash out on time, that's a good thing because it alerts you to the fact that you have to start being a little more responsible or better manage your time. if your boss tells you that you're doing something wrong, don't take it as an insult, "if you're doing something wrong, you get warned, if you do it wrong again, you get fired", so take this chance to ask your boss what you're doing wrong and how to make it better. not only will your boss be happy with you, you will be happy with yourself knowing that you're better at doing whatever it is you have to do.

[vashti]

I think understanding intent is a vital part of this problem. A person needs to understand the difference between someone offering constructive criticism and someone who is just trying to rip you apart. Knowing the difference and responding appropriately takes a bit of humility and maturity.

[Michael6084]

i use the gym as a stress reliever a lot of times, but let me ask you this: do you do some type of physical exercise?

i believe if you regularly exercise AND remind yourself in the midst of becoming angry that criticism can be constructive sometimes, you can better your general disposition.

i know people who don't vent their frustration and change it into something productive, and therefore that energy is wasted on being stressed on wasteful things. whatever energy you have that makes you a little rebellious, convert it into something productive.

there's no such thing as "i can't help it." people often times are too lazy or don't feel like putting effort into changing habits they have. many people who are poor and many people who are overweight say "they can't help it", yet there are many people put their effort into something productive and can go from being poor to relatively well-off and from out-of-shape to fit.

[DoesntMatter]

Wow, obviously not an English major!

[AngelsBreath]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoesntMatter

Wow, obviously not an English major!

could you elaborate on this please?i am not from the usa

[cuddlemonster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelsBreath

hi i have been wondering about my attidude,and sometimes disturbed by it.since i graduated college,i have been hearing a lot about this attitude that i am not sure of.

i have a big problem with authority and criticism,at work,i take hard criticisms as personal attack,i know this is unprofessional but i just cant help it,

whenever someone bitch at me at home,i bitch back,i cant control my temper,i always automatically think of ways to get around a remark,i never let people win an arguement even if it progresses into a fight.i hate this feeling,this attitude has just developed when i finished school,i was a cool kid who doesnt take everything seriously,but now everything seems to be serious to me.i know and i think it is stupid to dismiss constructive criticisms,but i really get angry and most of the time i take it personal.i get hurt easily.

Well you realize that you have problems, thats good. But yet you still engage in those behaviors. I think you lack self control in these types of situations.

here are some tips:

0. this is a big one, a philosophical one. everything you know...I mean EVERYTRHING is a BELIEF... yes a belief. and at anytime, due to the mighty forces of the unvierse can be the wrong belief.

you believe that professional criticisms is a personal attack. break down this belief.

Heres the common formula of a situation.

Antecedent....Behavior....Consenquence....

in your case, A= Professional criticism, B= personal attack and c= feeling like crap.

well im sure you can figure out by yourself your real feelings.

so follow theese steps it might help.


1. device a behavior you would like to be in ( example: acceptance of professional criticism, not personal attack menality)

2. vision yourself in this situation over and over again...... rehearse in your mind the desired behavior until it becomes remembered.

3. practice

4. practice

5. when you are in that situation in real life.... recall your plan for your new behavior

6. if you execute this behavior even if you fake it celebrate!!! it the start of forming the desired behavior.


Im a behavior specialist in trainning.... i have worked with autistic children for well over 4 years and have use the basic 'ABC' in conjuction with Applied Behavior Analysis.

[DarkDwarf]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuddlemonster

0. this is a big one, a philosophical one. everything you know...I mean EVERYTRHING is a BELIEF... yes a belief. and at anytime, due to the mighty forces of the unvierse can be the wrong belief.

No, everything is not a belief, for instance, a chair is an object, though I see what you are getting at. I believe what you are trying to say is nothing is true but that which is true by definition.

For instance, a bachelor is always an unmarried man, as that is the definition of the word. However, the 'sun will rise tomorrow' is a tentative belief based on observations and assembled evidence. However, if you were to say, 'the sun will rise tomorrow', several things might happen to prevent that. 1. The sun might explode or 2. the earth might be hit by an asteroid.

What you are stating are the underlying principles of agnosticism, though choose your words carefully. Everything is not a belief, but everything is untrue. A chair is a chair, but the idea that the chair is there could be untrue.

[IndiReloaded]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkDwarf

Everything is not a belief, but everything is untrue. A chair is a chair, but the idea that the chair is there could be untrue.

Or the fact that it is even a chair (a society who has never seen a chair might view it differently). True or 'not true' are human constructs driven entirely by context. The idea you are trying to describe is one of perception. Everything comes down to perception and, perhaps more importantly, when.

[DarkDwarf]

Exactly my point.

[cuddlemonster]

Yes everything is perception... and can be reinforced as either true or untrue by the forces of the universe.

[anachronistic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelsBreath

hi i have been wondering about my attidude,and sometimes disturbed by it.since i graduated college,i have been hearing a lot about this attitude that i am not sure of.

i have a big problem with authority and criticism,at work,i take hard criticisms as personal attack,i know this is unprofessional but i just cant help it,

whenever someone bitch at me at home,i bitch back,i cant control my temper,i always automatically think of ways to get around a remark,i never let people win an arguement even if it progresses into a fight.i hate this feeling,this attitude has just developed when i finished school,i was a cool kid who doesnt take everything seriously,but now everything seems to be serious to me.i know and i think it is stupid to dismiss constructive criticisms,but i really get angry and most of the time i take it personal.i get hurt easily.

you've already begun to get better. posting how you act as a person and asking how to improve it is taking on criticism and whatnot. you haven't argued back yet, so i congratulate you!

anyhow, just saying thankyou is not going to make YOU feel better. it might change your attitude, but the source of the problem is that you're taking these things personally when they probably aren't. realize when people are getting personal and when they're not. when they're not, have an open mind, try to understand what they're saying and judge it by what you understand.

[Mishanya]

According to Psychology superiority complex and inferiority complex are part of the same pathology and sometimes go hand in hand. Superiority being a superficial disguise for inadequate queslities. You have to ask yourself if another person's criticism reinforces your own negative self perception. And then, do you fight back only to stop feeling inferior?