Money/Kindness/Intelligence/Personality in relation to Respect

[AngelsBreath]

hi i have been trying really hard to discover ways to get people to respect me,as a child i have been bullied a lot,and my confidence since then was not that great.i work hard,earn money modestly and i finished college,i have been hearing positive things about my personality,they say that i am a kind person,but still,i yearn for people to give me more respect and acceptance.so do you guys have any good suggestions on where will i concentrate my efforts to gain the most respect and acceptance from people around me.

More Money/Kindness/Intelligence/Personality?

[DoesntMatter]

Intelligence, money, and power

And since real power comes from the barrel of a gun, violence by extension

Personality too, if you're lucky enough to have a good one

[Illusional]

if you're looking to gain confidence, i would say start with a support group, which means turning to your family or friends. you have to start small and build your confidence where it's easy. then like a snowball it will only get larger.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelsBreath

,i yearn for people to give me more respect and acceptance.

What would this look like to you? There's no way to answer you unless you have an idea of what this means TO YOU. Do you?

[Gigabitch]

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but for now I will say that looking outward for respect is a mistake. It has you depending wholly on the people around you to provide you with what you need to feel good, and at any given time, you're probably surrounded with 50% or more assholes.

[Michael6084]

i would first, of all things, look for the type of people you want to hang with, not the ones who disrespected and try to win their respect. some people are just assholes and they're going to stay that way.

all of the things listed are pretty much secondary to one primary factor: CONFIDENCE. there will always be someone higher than you in each of those categories, so you have to be proud of yourself on what you have done so far and who you are as a person. there are some guys who have none of those qualities who end up with women because they can pull off that confident, smooth thing that they do.

you have to feel strong in what you have done so far and work on self-esteem more than anything else, yet no one can do that and you can expect anyone to give it to you unless if you realize your own potential that you already have, then let that aura shine.

[Tiay]

Giga beat me to it.

Needing positive comments and displays of respect from other people to boost your self-confidence is.. well, not self-confident. key word; "SELF". It must come from yourself.

of course, everyone loves to hear positive feedback and compliments, and everyone loves to get respect from co-workers. But in the end, all that stuff follows when you're self-confident. So I say, work on yourself. Challenge yourself. Do something or learn something you wouldn't usually do.

[Henry123]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelsBreath

hi i have been trying really hard to discover ways to get people to respect me,as a child i have been bullied a lot,and my confidence since then was not that great.i work hard,earn money modestly and i finished college,i have been hearing positive things about my personality,they say that i am a kind person,but still,i yearn for people to give me more respect and acceptance.so do you guys have any good suggestions on where will i concentrate my efforts to gain the most respect and acceptance from people around me.

More Money/Kindness/Intelligence/Personality?

First I would say that one should be Real with themselves. It takes being honest with one self and ones real moltives. Money and Intelligence (if your using it to show off) are superficial props. (Not that one dont need money & intelligence but it shouldnt be use them as an artificial prop)

What you need is to work on your inner self.
Theres self improvement books on developing Assertiveness, Confidence, Making Friends, Body Langauge, Overcoming Social Anxiety, etc.
I think its important to build up your self esteem and confidence level. I dont know your particular issues but try small steps at first. There may be courses in your neighbourhood you might want to check out.

This almost remind of Kurt Corbain who had alot of money and fame but was never really happy in the inside. He thought money would compensate the emptyness inside. If only he had work on his inner self as well as the outer.

Have you tried charity work? Acting maybe? Maybe spirituality might be what you are looking for (Tibetan Buddhism maybe? Shamanism? New Age? etc)?

[TheKissPolice]

i agree with evry1,confidence is the answer.

[AngelsBreath]

so what you guys are trying to say is that it has to start from the inside?i mean i gotta first work on self-confidence and from there build it up and see what happens?great points everyone.and yes gig i never realized that this was happening,im gonna work on it,i never thought that i am already so dependent on other people's feedback to make myself feel better.that one shocked me.

[Only-virgins]

I just wanna say that people prefer to get respect than give it. Which makes it harder to earn. Everyone is out to earn it. Funny because respect is relatively different. What one person respects is not the same thing someone else does...you can't expect everyone to just respect you right away. Usually you get respect from the one group you have things in common with. You can do a lot but if you are an atheist chances are slim that you will get respect from a Religion buff no matter what you do....for example.

[misombra]

the way i feel about it is, the more you give, the more you get.

[boobaa]

Having other peoples respect means having confidence. Looking people in the eye is the first step towards that.
Do you have some respectful idols? What do they have, for example? Do you respect them like others or you fancy them because others respect them? You have to respect someone to learn from that.

[Tedel]

OK, but let's complete this topic with a pun: The opposite of confidence is fear, correct? What is the source of fear? Ignorance. Solution, beat your ignorance and you will become self-confident.

Example: You don't know if person A likes sports or not. Your ignorance about that very simple matter makes you feel unsure about inviting her to a game with you. Solution: Ask her if she likes sports or not. The worst thing she can say is no. In such a case, you grab the phone and call another friend. Period. Life goes on.

Now, your situation is a little more general. To become a self-confident person you should know a little about a lot of things, right? Wrong. The only thing you need to know is that people do what they do because they have a motivation. Find the motivation and you will beat your ignorance and become more confident.

Last but not least, if you were humiliated too much when you were young, why was it? Because people wanted to humiliate you? No. It was because they wanted to find a way to get close to you. Now that you have found the answer you can go on with your life knowing that they were not cruel with you. You were silly because you didn't realize that those jokes were a friendly welcome.

They didn't say it because they were scared of your reaction.

[Gigabitch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tedel

What is the source of fear? Ignorance.

That's a stretch. I think the source of fear is experience.