Thread: Funny cyber-sex chat transcript

if these are real, then this guy is a genius

<Sweetheart> Hi
<Bloodninja> hello
<Bloodninja> who is this?
<Sweetheart> just a someone?
<Bloodninja> A someone I know?
<Sweetheart> nope
<Bloodninja> Then why the hell are you bothering me?
<Sweetheart> well sorrrrrry
<Sweetheart> I just wanted to chat with you
<Bloodninja> why?
<Sweetheart> nevermind your an asshole
<Bloodninja> Hey wait a minute
<Sweetheart> yes?
<Bloodninja> look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
<Sweetheart> paranoid?
<Bloodninja> yes
<Sweetheart> of what?
<Sweetheart> me?
<Bloodninja> No. I'm in hiding.
<Sweetheart> LOL
<Bloodninja> Don't ****ing laugh at me!
<Bloodninja> This shit is serious!
<Sweetheart> What are you hiding from?
<Bloodninja> The cops.
<Sweetheart> gimme a ****ing break
<Bloodninja> I'm serious.
<Sweetheart> I don't get it
<Bloodninja> The cops are after me.
<Sweetheart> For what?
<Bloodninja> I'm wanted in three states
<Sweetheart> For???
<Bloodninja> It's kindof embarrasing.
<Bloodninja> I had sex with a turkey.
<Bloodninja> Hello?
<Sweetheart> You are ****ing sick.
<Bloodninja> Send me your picture.
<Sweetheart> why?
<Bloodninja> so I know you aren't one of them.
<Sweetheart> One of what?
<Bloodninja> The cops.
<Sweetheart> I'm not a cop i told you
<Bloodninja> Then send me your picture.
<Sweetheart> hold on
<Bloodninja> Hurry up.
<Bloodninja> Are you there?
<Bloodninja> **** you, cop!
<Sweetheart> Hey sorry
<Sweetheart> I had to do something for my mom.
<Bloodninja> I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
<Bloodninja> When really you were notifying the authorities.
<Bloodninja> Weren't you!?
<Sweetheart> thats not it
<Bloodninja> Then what?
<Sweetheart> I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
<Bloodninja> Most cops aren't
<Sweetheart> IM NOT A ****ING COP YOU SHITHEAD!
<Bloodninja> Then send me the picture.
<Sweetheart> fine. What's your e-mail?
<Bloodninja> Just send it through here.
<Sweetheart> alright *PIC*
<Sweetheart> Did you get it?
<Bloodninja> Hold on. I'm looking.
<Sweetheart> That was me back in may
<Sweetheart> I've lost weight since then.
<Bloodninja> I hope so
<Sweetheart> what?!?
<Sweetheart> that hurt my feelings.
<Bloodninja> Did it?
<Sweetheart> Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
<Bloodninja> Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
<Sweetheart> yes
<Bloodninja> Alright let me find it.
<Sweetheart> kks
<Bloodninja> Okay here it is. *PIC*
<Sweetheart> this isn't you.
<Bloodninja> I'll be damned if it ain't!
<Sweetheart> You don't look like that.
<Bloodninja> How the hell do you know?
<Sweetheart> cause your profile has another picture.
<Bloodninja> The profile pic is a fake.
<Bloodninja> I use it to hide from the cops.
<Sweetheart> You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
<Bloodninja> Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
<Bloodninja> Not to mention all the groceries.
<Sweetheart> Go **** yourself
<Bloodninja> I was going to until I saw that picture
<Bloodninja> Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
<Sweetheart> I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
<Sweetheart> You've done nothing but slam me.
<Sweetheart> you hurt me.
<Bloodninja> And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
<Sweetheart> I thought you were bullshitting me!
<Bloodninja> Why would I do that?
<Sweetheart> I can't believe that cops are after you
<Bloodninja> I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
<Sweetheart> **** YOU!!!
<Bloodninja> You'd break both of his legs.
<Sweetheart> You're a ****ing asshole.
<Sweetheart> I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
<Sweetheart> and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
<Bloodninja> Ok. I'm sorry.
<Sweetheart> No you aren't
<Bloodninja> You're right. I'm not.
<Bloodninja>HAARRRRR!
<Sweetheart> I'm done with you
<Bloodninja> Aww. I'm sorry.
<Sweetheart> I'm putting you on ignore
<Bloodninja> Wait a sec
<Bloodninja> We got off on the wrong foot.
<Bloodninja> Wanna start over?
<Sweetheart> No
<Bloodninja> I'll eat your pussy
<Sweetheart> You'll what?
<Bloodninja> You heard me.
<Bloodninja> I said I'd eat your pussy.
<Sweetheart> I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
<Bloodninja> Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
<Sweetheart> I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
<Bloodninja> Well I'm not like most men.
<Bloodninja> I get excited in different ways.
<Sweetheart> Like what?
<Bloodninja> Do you really wanna know?
<Sweetheart> I don't know
<Bloodninja> You have to tell me yes or no.
<Sweetheart> I'm afraid to
<Bloodninja> Why?
<Sweetheart> cause
<Bloodninja> cause why?
<Sweetheart> well lets see
<Sweetheart> you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
<Sweetheart> doesn't that seem strange to you?
<Bloodninja> Nope
<Sweetheart> well its strange to me
<Bloodninja> Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
<Sweetheart> I didn't say that
<Bloodninja> So is that a yes?
<Sweetheart> I guess so.
<Bloodninja> Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
<Bloodninja> Are you willing?
<Sweetheart> What do you need me to do?
<Bloodninja> I need you talk like a pirate.
<Sweetheart> ???
<Bloodninja> When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
<Bloodninja> ok?
<Bloodninja> Hello?
<Sweetheart> You can't be serious
<Bloodninja> Oh yes I am!
<Bloodninja> It's my fantasy.
<Sweetheart> this is retarded
<Bloodninja> Do you want it or not?
<Sweetheart> Yes I want it.
<Bloodninja> Then you'll do it for me?
<Sweetheart> sure
<Bloodninja> Ok. Here we go.
<Bloodninja> I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
<Bloodninja> You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
<Bloodninja> I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
<Bloodninja> I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
<Sweetheart> mmmm yeah
<Bloodninja> uh oh ...going limp.
<Sweetheart> Har
<Bloodninja> You gotta do better than that!
<Bloodninja> Your picture was really bad.
<Sweetheart> HARRRRRRRRRRRR
<Bloodninja> Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
<Bloodninja> I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
<Bloodninja> Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
<Bloodninja> I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
<Sweetheart> mmmmmm you are good
<Bloodninja> I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
<Bloodninja> going limp
<Sweetheart> HARRRRRRR
<Bloodninja> Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
<Bloodninja> You begin to sway back and forth.
<Bloodninja> going limp
<Sweetheart> this is stupid
<Bloodninja> ...still limp
<Bloodninja> Do it!
<Sweetheart> HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
<Bloodninja> I turn you around to lick your asshole.
<Bloodninja> I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
<Bloodninja> I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
<Sweetheart> WTF?!?!?
<Bloodninja> They stink really bad.
<Sweetheart> OMG STOP!!!
<Bloodninja> I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
<Bloodninja> I tear off your wooden peg leg.
<Bloodninja> I ram it up your ass.
<Sweetheart> YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!
<Bloodninja> Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
<Bloodninja> And turn you into a ****ing candy apple...
<Bloodninja> I kick you in the face!
<Sweetheart> **** YOU ASSHOLE!!
<Bloodninja> The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
<Bloodninja> Your parrot flys away.
<Bloodninja> ...going limp again.
<Bloodninja> Hello?
<Bloodninja> Say it!
<Bloodninja> HAARRRRRR!!!!!