the sexual part of our relationship
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  1. #1
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    the sexual part of our relationship

    I hope I'm in the right forum here. Perhaps I should be in the ask women forum.

    My wife and I have been together for over 30 years and are now in our 60ís. When I met her, she was married and ultimately divorced to be with me.
    In discussing sex with her early in the relationship, I learned about previous partners and a bit about her attitudes about sex. She grew up in a very conservative household, got punished severely when caught playing doctor with a boy as a child.
    She had 3 children (not c-section). When our relationship started, she had also been having an affair outside of her marriage and her past history revealed about 5 other sexual partners during her lifetime. This will be significant later. We lived together for about 20 years and were married 10 years ago.
    When our relationship started, we looked pretty good but as age and obesity would have it, we donít look so great now. She was so hot looking when we were young I was pretty sexually aggressive with her. She was never very expressive during sex until we started doing some daring stuff. We went to Hedo and stayed on the nude side for a week. We didnít get involved with others, although I tried to encourage her to do so. We then went on to making x rated videos of ourselves, we went to a swap club and met a couple who spent the night with us in a hotel room. She blew the guy for a while, performed oral on the woman to try and get her to orgasm because the woman said she had never had one and I had sex with the woman. Later in the relationship we explored fantasies which she authored and did some roll play with that, we had lots of toys, we practiced fisting and she had great orgasms especially with her magic wand.
    She would talk dirty during sex but never orgasmed from intercourse. She said that the feeling of being penetrated wasnít that great (not fun for me to hear). When we talked about prior lovers she said some interesting things for example, she slept with 2 men on different occasions simply because she felt it was expected of her! She didnít want to but did it anyway as she felt she couldnít wiggle her way out of it. She said that her lover during her marriage had a huge cock and didnít know how to use it. (no foreplay or efforts to please her), so sex wasnít pleasurable, yet I learned that she would set up specific dates on her home calendar just before her period so she could meet with him and go to a hotel. Her calendar was marked ďshoppingĒ and she would tell her husband she was going to the mall. The calendar was marked months in advance so it seemed to me that she was looking forward to the sex.
    At some point she expressed discontent about my lack of romantic expression during sex. I expressed her lack of real sexual expression during sex. AT some point, fter trying to get her to try some different things or even make more movies, she made excuses not to. Soon thereafter I refused to have sex with her and did so for over 15 years. When she asked why I simply said, that when I had asked her in the past excuses were made and that when a man comes home and asks his wife for steak on a number of occasions and she makes excuses for not making it, he loses his appetite for steak. Recently we have been trying but usually it amounts to me masturbating her to multiple orgasms and she offers to fellate me but I refuse. Itís bland and emotionless.
    So, I ask myself, what turned me on about her early on. Well, the thought that she would calendar sex appointments months in advance with her lover so she could go and **** him made me believe that she was a real sexual person with a desire to be ****ed. Turns out that based upon her description, she was not. She says she doesnít have fantasies and is annoyed that I donít because she has tried on fantasies all of which did nothing for her,. I donít share my fantasies because she would find them objectionable since I would like to see her as a woman who enjoys vaginal penetration and feels good being ****ed. I have repeatedly told her that what turns me on is getting her to orgasm. Itís kind of a power trip. I fantasize having a wife that is like what I see in some of the amateur x videos I watch. Someone who gets pleasure from sex and wants penetration. If I tell her that, she would try to please me but she would be faking it. So I feel like I am left with a partner who has little desire for penetration. Clitoral stim is fine but penetration she seems to be able to take or leave. 3 Kids has left her with a very loose vagina for which I have bought her dildos of every conceivable size and shape. Even the fisting which has blown away previous partners has little effect on her. I have had numerous partners over my life and have never encountered this situation.
    Finally, I find myself looking at attractive women and fantasizing being with them as they enjoy sex. Itís really tempting but I have been good about staying away.

    I would love to hear observations from the membership

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  3. #2
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    never orgasmed from intercourse ...... very common, don't hold that against her or yourself .... what if she was that other women that never had one?

    She said that the feeling of being penetrated wasn’t that great (not fun for me to hear).... she can't help who she is physically no more than you can effect the color of your eyes

    The calendar was marked months in advance ..... this is the past and water under the bridge .....past lovers are just that..the past...get over it...people change in time just like everything else

    Soon thereafter I refused to have sex with her and did so for over 15 years ...... You are your own worst enemy

    like to see her as a woman who enjoys vaginal penetration and feels good being ****ed ........ If you took a different route about your sex life she might have become exactly that

    what turns me on is getting her to orgasm .... same for most men but many women are about the total experience and not just the end result .....focus more on the journey and less on the finish line

    I fantasize having a wife that is like what I see in some of the amateur x videos .... did you know a lot of that is professional and only filmed as amateur ? Your wife isn't a porn star. Porn and real life are completely different

    3 Kids has left her with a very loose vagina .... fisting likely not helping

    Summary : Sounds like you and her enjoyed some fun in the past. As a couple ya'll did things some would not. Enjoy the fact you were able to do that together. Every man would love a wife who explodes into orgasm from penetration
    sex but this is just not reality. It sounds like you need to stop confusing porn stars (otherwise known as actors) for your wife. Have some realistic expectations. Expecting her to be the solution to your own issues isn't healthy.
    I apologize if I sound a little harsh.

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    Mr. Married I answered this twice and never got posted or neither was reviewed. In any case, I think you missed some points but I am not going to go through on a point by point basis like I did when I don't even know if it will make it as a post

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