Too much info (sex stories in detail) - Love Forum

Tycho13 · #1 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 01:33 AM

Hi guys, I'm a 27/F and just married the man I've lived with for a year.
We're doing wonderful, but everyone has problems.

My husband has been prescribed antianxiety medicine for years, and does not take them properly. Because of this, he is tapering off as his anxiety has gotten worse with incorrect pill taking. He does not do this often anymore, but when he does he likes to take 4-5 day's worth at once. And then he likes to talk a lot, often about his past sex experiences in detail.

He had told me about a short fling with a girl with whom he took some pornographic pictures. I was glad because he puts things in weird places and he thought I might find it before he did (it turned out to be in a book). He found it the other day and asked me if I wanted to see it and I had to say yes - morbid curiosity. I didn't really know what to say, but he talked a lot about how he did the lighting, how they were good enough for Hustler, how he helped her pose and so on (even the location which is a hotel on the same street as our house) until I told him this is the kind of thing I don't want to hear about.

I wasn't mad or sad or of the opinion that what they did was wrong. It's just that hearing all about it, even though it was before he met me, made me feel bummed out and a little grossed out.

I have trouble believing my own feelings are valid sometimes, so I was just wondering if anyone out there thought this was an irrational way to react or not. My policy is that I don't ask questions about things like that - they don't matter. I don't talk about my sexual past in detail, what's the point? But I also don't want to be someone he feels he can't share with, I want him to not have to hide things from me. Or does it mean that I am insecure and jealous? I certainly don't harrass him about his past or dig for information. But does it make me seem unapproachable that I would rather be left in the dark about some things?

Anyway thanks for looking and I appreciate anyone's advice. Thanks

Gigabitch · #2 (**permalink**) 28-03-06, 04:21 AM

Um, eeeeeeeeeeeewww!

What the hell is he doing showing you that? Was he like that before you got married? I think he's either starting to show his seedy side or he feels really guilty about thouse pictures and wants to dump the burden on you.

Eeeeww.

Tycho13 · #3 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 01:19 AM

Ha ha ha ha...that was pretty much how I felt too. Eww.
Well, basically he's the most thoughtful and good hearted guy you ask for. And yeah before we got married he would occasionally bust out with some stories that make you go "Eww," but I think he just has a big mouth.
Some of it might have to do with what I mentioned, his tendency to over do anxiety medicine which can make you less inhibited. He has a big mouth anyway, so he runs it about stuff he shouldn't.
I mean, what's a nice way to say "You can talk to me but please save the details" without sounding like I'm jealous of his past, I'm not.

Gigabitch · #4 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tycho13

I mean, what's a nice way to say "You can talk to me but please save the details" without sounding like I'm jealous of his past, I'm not.

Does he have Compulsive Sharing Disease in other regards? With other people? Or is this just about you, or maybe his feelings about intimacy? There is such a thing as being too intimate.

#5 (**permalink**) 29-03-06, 06:04 AM

It could be because HE'S insecure and he wants you to get jealous, you never know.

Tycho13 · #6 (**permalink**) 31-03-06, 12:52 AM

I don't think that he would play mind games with me and normally he is a pretty reserved person, so I think we just differ on what is and isn't comfortable to divulge.

I guess my reason for finding this forum was because, even though I told him at the time that that was not something I felt it was appropriate to share with your partner and he apologized, the closure still left that bummed-out, man-I-wish-that-hadn't- happened feeling. So I guess I just wanted to talk about it with complete strangers, ha.

Hey Gigabitch, that's a nice handle but you sound like a really nice person, ha.

Gigabitch · #7 (**permalink**) 31-03-06, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tycho13

Hey Gigabitch, that's a nice handle but you sound like a really nice person, ha.

Sometimes I use the dark side.

nendo · #8 (**permalink**) 17-04-06, 12:29 AM

maybe he was showing u to get u in the mood and maybe wants to take the same type of pictures with u.

vashti · #9 (**permalink**) 17-04-06, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

There is such a thing as being too intimate.

I agree. I blame Jerry Springer. He has made an entire generation feel it is okay to vomit forth every little thing that pops into your head.

Gigabitch · #10 (**permalink**) 17-04-06, 04:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

I agree. I blame Jerry Springer. He has made an entire generation feel it is okay to vomit forth every little thing that pops into your head.

True! But I do love his show on Air America. Who knew Jerry Springer was such a reasonable person?

Tiay · #11 (**permalink**) 17-04-06, 09:25 AM

eew!!

Past relationships should not be discussed in detail - if at all - unless there's a damn good reason. It's not a 'bad secret'. By not talking about it, a guy can show his girl (or indeed vice versa) that he's put his past relations out of his mind. And by doing so you do put it out of your mind.

Me and my b/f realised that telling details out of honesty - like who flirted at work or what female friend he went to the cinema with - isn't necessary, unless it's something significant - like that time a college teach hit on me; needless to say I was creeped out. Anyway that's a whole 'nother disturbing thread.

Tycho13 · #12 (**permalink**) 27-04-06, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nendo

maybe he was showing u to get u in the mood and maybe wants to take the same type of pictures with u.

Hahaha no. I mean, we DO like that idea, we've talked about it before. I think it was just an insensitive brain fart on his part.
I'm cool with his past mostly because it's his business, not mine. I like meeting my man at a good age (we're 27) when we can be comfortable being different people with different histories. We're very good friends; I'm not your most girly girl and we like stuff like camping and playing video games together. I guess sometimes he thinks I'll think crass stuff like that is funny.
Speaking of Springer, I like his radio show too. He's a pretty sharp dude. I always thought he had this vibe of laughing at himself and his own show. Like, "Ah, what has my life come to" but with a good attitude.