Booty Call or Something Legit?

[Kainy]

Here's the scenario...

Met a guy (through mutual friends), and it was initially strictly platonic. Group outings , always had a great time flirting, he's buys my drinks, but it never went anywhere. He invited me back to his place several times, but I always declined, and he was completely respectful of this. After about a month of having a lot of fun out with our friends, I decide to leave with him one night. I'm not really a hook-up type girl, but figured 'why not?'

So, now three weeks after that initial hook-up, we're still 'involved.' I used to hear from him maybe once a week to see if Im out, now it's probably every other day just to say hi. We get together maybe once, twice a week, my place or his, spend a few hours talking about everything under the sun, then stay the night. So what's the problem?

As we spend time together, I am realizing that there could definitely be something legitimate happening between us. We have great chemistry; I hear from him often; best sex Ive ever had; very affectionate; and he's even gone out of his way to do things for me(nothing big, but has shown some effort). BUT he never actually calls, only texts and has never asked me out on an actual real date (and I'm a pretty date-able chic).

So what's the deal?? Can a booty call turn into something more legitimate? It absolutely seems as though we have a connection, but then again, maybe I just hear from him because he knows he can get some.

Advice?

[vashti]

In my observation, booty calls do not usually evolve into more than that. This may not be true in your case, but what I usually see is one person or the other (usually the female) develops feelings that are not reciprocated. For this reason, I think FWBs are a bad idea.

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like you're headed into girlfriend territory, and you have to make sure you have that talk pretty soon. You know the one- where you agree that you're exclusive and you officially become a couple.

If you're a "dateable girl", it won't be long before somebody else asks you out, and that might force the issue. If you don't want to wait for that, you might have to bring it up because he seems to be cautious and patient to a fault.

I strongly caution you against just letting things slide for too long if they're making you unhappy. Before long, things become habitual, and you're with a boyfriend who never calls and doesn't take you out, which sounds pretty crappy to me.

[Tedel]

Yeah, I agree with both Giga and Vashti. Talk it over. It's the only way to find out.

[bluesummer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kainy

As we spend time together, I am realizing that there could definitely be something legitimate happening between us. We have great chemistry; I hear from him often; best sex Ive ever had; very affectionate; and he's even gone out of his way to do things for me(nothing big, but has shown some effort). BUT he never actually calls, only texts and has never asked me out on an actual real date (and I'm a pretty date-able chic).

So what's the deal?? Can a booty call turn into something more legitimate? It absolutely seems as though we have a connection, but then again, maybe I just hear from him because he knows he can get some.

Advice?

I was actually in a FWB relationship almost exactly like this for six months. It was really confusing, because we could talk for hours and he'd do really nice things for me and stuff.....he'd even hug me and kiss the back of my neck while we slept. I thought maybe he was interested in me, although he'd said right from the start he wasn't looking for a relationship.

I think (simply from experience) that there's another level of FWB no-strings-attached relationship. I believe that some ppl like to have that casual sex buddy that is almost like a relationship....without the commitment, and on their own schedule. They get fulfilled when they need it, sexually and emotionally. This can work for some ppl, but not if one party starts to develop feelings. '

I would clear the air with him. Just ask him if he's looking for a relationship....if he says no, then you know where you stand.

[cheeze_guy]

Go with the flow and if you start feeling strongly make sure he does too

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluesummer

I think (simply from experience) that there's another level of FWB no-strings-attached relationship. I believe that some ppl like to have that casual sex buddy that is almost like a relationship....without the commitment, and on their own schedule. They get fulfilled when they need it, sexually and emotionally.

That's true, I know people like that

[Thatguy92790]

Sounds to me like you guys are friends with benefits. Of course he is going to go out of his way for you if it's the best sex he's ever had as you mentioned. If he was intersted in having a real relationship I'm sure he would tell you.

As far as I'm concerned there is nothing wrong with friends with benefits

[Austinn]

Well hey you all should also take into consideration that not all guys are good at doing the traditional dating thing. Alot of guys dont even want to do it, but theres definatly alot who just dont know how or just dont like the idea of it and would rather get a girl in their own way.
I think alot of people assume that "oh well he isnt being traditional or doing typical dating stuff so he must not be into/want me." , thats not always true, ALOT of times he does want/ have tons of interest in you and the experts just get it wrong on forums and elsewhere because they forget that not all guys like/know the traditional, expected dating/relationship norms.

[Kainy]

Thanks so much for the advice.

Just an update....I did decide to say something to him and he seemed to be surprised that I had concerns about it only being a booty-call situation. Neither of us are in any rush to be in a relationship, but I feel much better that I have confirmation that there is something legit happening here. He has also made the effort to go on "dates" and what not....so It's all good!

[bluesummer]

Glad to hear it worked out for you, Kainy.