I can't cum - Page 2 - Love Forum

vashti · #16 (**permalink**) 19-04-08, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaphod

Yeah.... But It's hard sometimes.

I take medication that can damage my libido, but it's never been a problem like this before....I've been taking them for years with out a problem. It's like I'm losing my libido......

As enterprise said, definitely speak to your physician. There may be an alternative medication.

GrkScorp · #17 (**permalink**) 20-04-08, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

Meh, ignore Grkscorp. His advice is not meant for married people or females, but rather for very young males, and he means no harm.

Don't mind that.., that's just Vash showing us how lady-like she is.. if Vash's advice is anything like her class.., you're better off seeing a physician to get to the bottom of this.. where one lacks advice.., she must find some way to compensate.. but I'm sure she means well..

Now.., i'm sure you want to help.., and you're thinking to yourself.. "WE'RE going to ____".., but you're forgetting that he needs his space.., and some privacy to get to the bottom of things.., your willingness to help is great.., but it shouldn't turn into you being on top of him constantly over this.. making him feel.. "he has a PROBLEM that WE have to get to the bottom of".., that's a lot of pressure.. and that doesn't help anyone..

Your husband has a mouth of his own.., he doesn't need you to be his exclusive agent.., He knows how he feels.., and he needs to be able to talk to someone with absolute privacy at first.., to understand for himself exactly what it is he is feeling.., and why he's feeling it.., and how to go about seeing the change you both want to see.., and AFTER that point.., you can come in with your explosive willingness to help.., and work on getting to that change together.. It's personal.., he's been clear about that on the forum.., and i'm sure he's been clear about that face-to-face in person with you.., It has nothing to do with you.., it's something with him.., and it's not physical.., doesn't mean you're any less attractive.., he even called you a 10.., it's something with him.. And right now.., he.., and he alone.., needs to get fully in touch and fully aware of what that something is.., and why that something is.. so you can both go about changing it for the better..

Constant control over him like a Big Brother-type government.., monitoring him constantly.. affording him no privacy and personal space.., reminding him constantly.., etc.., doesn't help anyone.., it just hinders any progress the two of you are making on this issue.., as do bitterness.., sarcasm.., vague "the view/oprah" type advice that gets you nowhere.. and him feeling pressure.., only puts the breaks of any progress you both want to see.., now..

How exactly did you find out he was on this forum.., and why exactly did you come on it? Do you honestly want to hear a bunch of recycled ideas of (oh it's stress.., this happens to married people when they get older.., it's normal for guys to lose interest during marriage.., ect)? Did you want to give missery some company? I'm just trying to understand your rational for stalking your husband at every instance he's seeking to make progress for the both of you.. and why he's stopped posting after you came on the forum.. maybe a physician is not exactly the person you both need to see..

Best,

GrkScorp

vashti · #18 (**permalink**) 20-04-08, 04:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

Don't mind that.., that's just Vash showing us how lady-like she is.. if Vash's advice is anything like her class.., you're better off seeing a physician to get to the bottom of this.. where one lacks advice.., she must find some way to compensate.. but I'm sure she means well..

(blah, blah, blah)

Do you honestly want to hear a bunch of recycled ideas of (oh it's stress.., this happens to married people when they get older.., it's normal for guys to lose interest during marriage.., ect)?

This is very obviously a problem for the both of them, as far as I can see. When you are married, there is an certain obligation to pursue a sex life is acceptable to both parties. I didn't realize one had to be married to understand this. No one said she should expect that this is normal for married people.

Also, there is quite obviously a good chance this is a medical issue since the OP is taking medication he KNOWS can cause impotence. Personally, I think knowing this is possibly a medical issue would be a lot more comforting than jumping straight to a psychological problem, which can be more problematic to remedy.

Because of the medication, I am still of the opinion that a medical issue should be ruled out before moving on to more complex matters.

I'd also like to point out that since you suffer a similar problem Grk, perhaps you should consider whether you are too emotionally invested in this subject to offer objective advice. The OP never said (nor implied) he thought his wife was contributing to the problem. It seems you are projecting.

bohemiandonut · #19 (**permalink**) 20-04-08, 09:34 AM

GO BOYS GO BOYS GO BOYS!!!!!!

Grk you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink if his wife has a rope tied around his penis. You tried, man.

GrkScorp · #20 (**permalink**) 20-04-08, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

I'd also like to point out that since you suffer a similar problem Grk, perhaps you should consider whether you are too emotionally invested in this subject to offer objective advice. The OP never said (nor implied) he thought his wife was contributing to the problem. It seems you are projecting.

I'd have to agree.., you're absolutely right there Vash.., and I do owe both you and the OP.., and I guess his wife aswell.., a big apology..

I hope it all works out for the best..

GrkScorp · #21 (**permalink**) 20-04-08, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bohemiandonut

you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink if his wife has a rope tied around his penis. You tried, man.

I like that analogy.., both witty and fitting.. We have to be fair though.., his wife IS "willing" to help.., she's just going about it in her own way.. but at least the willingness to help is there..

Tedel · #22 (**permalink**) 21-04-08, 11:38 PM

Did all this started when you got married with her?

Zaphod · #23 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

Your husband has a mouth of his own.., he doesn't need you to be his exclusive agent.., He knows how he feels.., and he needs to be able to talk to someone with absolute privacy at first.., to understand for himself exactly what it is he is feeling.., and why he's feeling it.., and how to go about seeing the change you both want to see.., and AFTER that point.., you can come in with your explosive willingness to help.., and work on getting to that change together.. It's personal.., he's been clear about that on the forum.., and i'm sure he's been clear about that face-to-face in person with you.., It has nothing to do with you.., it's something with him.., and it's not physical.., doesn't mean you're any less attractive.., he even called you a 10.., it's something with him.. And right now.., he.., and he alone.., needs to get fully in touch and fully aware of what that something is.., and why that something is.. so you can both go about changing it for the better..

Actually, being that she is my wife and partner, it has everything to do with her. We each have a voice, she does not dominate me in that area or any area. We speak as one and we both know each other as we were the same person. Although it is a personal matter, I have asked for her help in the matter and also my doctor. I'm just going to have to put up with it for a while I guess until I can isolate the issue that brought me here...

If my wife speaks for me, that is because she knows whats best for me and visa versa. I do appreciate very much the amount of help that I have received here.

Edit: I have always had this problem in one way or the other, It all depends on my self esteem I supposed, and that combined with Medication I guess it's a bad combo.

I found this Forum a long time ago, and I have been lurking for quite a while now...

GrkScorp · #24 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 02:58 AM

Aww..

wapsh! (sound of whip)

Well.., again.., hope it all works out..,

Best,

GrkScorp

lesa · #25 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 03:23 AM

It is probably medication related. Diuretics, most antihypertensive, lithium, benzodiazepines and certain antidepressants will affect libido, erection, or orgasm/ejaculation. You may be able to find alternative medications to the ones that you are taking if possible.

Gigabitch · #26 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 04:22 AM

Zaphod, I think this might be about baby anxiety. What do you think about that?

lesa · #27 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Zaphod, I think this might be about baby anxiety. What do you think about that?

Good one. I forgot about baby anxiety. That is a strong possibility, in my opinion. I agree...what do you think?

Zaphod · #28 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Zaphod, I think this might be about baby anxiety. What do you think about that?

No baby anxiety here....It is only in the discussion faze...
I have 2 other children with my crazy ex wife....
Sex with her was very unhealthy for me, she was a bit of a freak and had fantasies of incest and she was way to possessive and obsessive compulsive. The Incest part has nothing to do with the children....She likes me to pretend that I'm her brother or father...
I couldn't take it anymore...

Leaving my ex and meeting my wife was the greatest change of life I could ever have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

Aww..

wapsh! (sound of whip)

Oh...no whip intended....

GrkScorp · #29 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaphod

She likes me to pretend that I'm her brother or father...

Wow..

That is some sick sh*t..

Mishanya · #30 (**permalink**) 22-04-08, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaphod

I enjoy our sex to every degree, but I feel that my confidence isn't there. My wife goes wild when we make love and she has no complaints in the sex department, but there are just times where I just can't reach orgasm. It frustrates the both of us to a degree that today she cried in my arms and blamed herself for it.

I keep telling her it's not her, it's me.

I would say it's most likely is. The "cumming" in the end is in your mind. The two heads are interconnected.The ability to cum and release is the ability to vizulalize and to submit to your primal urges. This ability can be hampered by anxiety.

Riddle me this Zaphod, do you ever fill anxious during the intercourse which is specific to necessity to cum? Do you feel pressure to cum? Do you feel that not cumming during intercourse is some sort of a failure? Do you concentrate on cumming as the end goal? And then, do you find yourself thinking about cumming over and over again during the intercourse and find that the more you think about it that the harder it gets? If yes, stop right there. You must first find a way to rid yourself off this anxiety. Cumming is not forced, it's not pressured, there is no expectation to do anything that doesn't feel right. How about you stop concentrating on cumming next time you have intercourse. Stop and start whenever you feel like. You don't have to "finish" in any way, shape or form. Just, submit to the motions and enjoy being one in harmony with your partner. Can you do this without feeling anxious, can you eliminate any form of anxiety that's within you? Can you eliminate your necessity to come and with it the fear of not cumming?

If not, I think this is the source of your problem. Perhaps, the next step then will be to find an effective meditation technique, something to clear your mind, relax and feel at peace without any neccesity to succumb to an expectation.