I can't cum

[Zaphod]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mishanya

Riddle me this Zaphod, do you ever fill anxious during the intercourse which is specific to necessity to cum? Do you feel pressure to cum? Do you feel that not cumming during intercourse is some sort of a failure? Do you concentrate on cumming as the end goal? And then, do you find yourself thinking about cumming over and over again during the intercourse and find that the more you think about it that the harder it gets? If yes, stop right there

Thats the problem right there. However there are times when I could cum 3 or 4 times in one session, I even had what some people consider a male multipal or orgasms. I try way to hard to please my mate, and I just forget about mine. You can call it performance anxiety, but believe me.....My wife does not complain, the neighbors do. She'll testify to that...

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaphod

Thats the problem right there. However there are times when I could cum 3 or 4 times in one session, I even had what some people consider a male multipal or orgasms. I try way to hard to please my mate, and I just forget about mine. You can call it performance anxiety, but believe me.....My wife does not complain, the neighbors do. She'll testify to that...

Well, maybe do you think then that sometimes you try so hard to please your wife that you become over anxious under this pressure? And then, at other times when your mind is clear, when you are relaxed and free from anxiety and worry then you perform exceptionaly well? So well in fact that the neighbours complain about all the noise!

If that's the case then solution to this might be not so difficult. Somewhere along the lines of getting all of the expectations and pressure right out of your mind during the intercourse.

You know, I'll tell you something funny. We sometimes so compartmentalize our life that we get paranoid when something doesn't fit into our boxes and time slots. This may not be you, but I know a few people who run on a schedule, along the lines of 7pm Dinner, 8pm TV 9 pm work preparation 10pm sex 10:30pm sleep. Then 10:30 comes and the sex part is not over, "Wait I should've been finished by now, I have a presentation tomorrow morning, damn it whats wrong with this thing how come it's not over yet, the presentation, I need to get it out of the way, I need some sleep, damn it, I can't do this anymore". It's pressure. Anxiety. Need to fit into a time slot. Need to succeed. Need to be efficient. Things like that don't belong in the bedroom at all. The only success comes through sharing beautiful moments together, stress, pressure and anxiety free.

[vashti]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaphod

I have asked for her help in the matter and also my doctor. ...

The problem is obviously going to be either a physiological problem (related to either your hormone levels or your medication, for example) or an emotional problem. If you have discussed this with your physician already, then I am guessing you suspect the problem is emotional. Have you tried talking to a therapist? There are people who specialize in sex therapy. I'd find one if I were you.

[lesa]

Unless trying for a baby, don't concentrate on cumming. Enjoy the physical bondage that the two you have and worry not about if you will have an orgasm.

[Zaphod]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

The problem is obviously going to be either a physiological problem (related to either your hormone levels or your medication, for example) or an emotional problem. If you have discussed this with your physician already, then I am guessing you suspect the problem is emotional. Have you tried talking to a therapist? There are people who specialize in sex therapy. I'd find one if I were you.

This is long


I have a therapist, but I can't afford that kind of therapist. I'm in the works on trying to finding another one. My doctor is moving on to a private practice and I certainly can't afford his rates, and my current Psychologist just puts his feet up and listens....He came highly recommended and from other people he came highly recommended but he's not my kind of guy.

There are so many crazy things going on in my life. My wife is the only stable element in my life, and did I mention that we don't live together. It's a little crazy, but we loped last year and we have been trying to get our own place for a year now, but her bills, loans, and credit card bills (Which have been canceled) are way to much. Her parents help, but it's barely touched the tip of the iceberg. I have a roommate that gives her the creeps, but she stays here quite often. The only thing that stops her from staying longer is that she's an art student and I don't have the space for her equipment, our problem is lack of planning.

My mother in law has extended me the courtesy of letting me stay at her house, but she is a holy roller and a control freak. I would rather stay with things as they are before I let her meddle in my life. I haven't been at her house in 5 months, the last time I went over my ex wife broke the windows and constantly called the police saying that I was beating my current wife. The police her in Chicago don't play games with that. So I decided on those reasons on not spending anytime there. Mostly because of my Mom in law, she's a nice person, but I wouldn't want to spend to much time with her.

My roommate is a *ucking moron and although he's 34, he has a 13 year old mentality. He literally can not think for himself and my wife and I need to get out of here, it's that we would both would have to take 2 jobs, plus school for the both of us to keep up with our bills...

Whew....I said it

[Mishanya]

Wow, it sounds like a lot is going on in your life right now Zaphod. I have a hunch that your issue in the bedroom may be entirely Psychological. I also have a feeling that your partner may cry when you have this problem because she may think that it's somehow related to her. Maybe she thinks that you help her out a lot and that creates a lot of stress for you to the point where you can't perform in the bedroom, which is not true. Where as the pressure to achieve the end goal and expectations are probably closer to the real reasons.

I think as far as your external life goes, eliminating any form of resentment and guilt surrounding your current circumstances may be a good place to start to make your relationship grow stronger.

[Tedel]

Money matters, after all...

I think your sexual problem has to do with all the stress you are under and that you do need to find a place where to go with your wife. Kiss her a lot while you relax and recover your "perfomance".

As for your money problem, maybe you can make some extra money here and there. What do you do for a living, if you don't mind my asking? I mean, besides studying.

[Gigabitch]

Jeeze Louise, Zaphod. I'm surprised you can even get it up under these circumstances. What a friggin' mess.

Don't worry. It's just stress, and it's actually a healthy response to a bad situation. If you were going through all this and you had no problems whatsoever, I'd be wondering what was wrong with you.

[Tedel]

You know? I think we need to congratulate this guy after all... He obviously (and truly) loves his wife. That's hard to see these days...

Thumbs up, amigo!