Originally Posted by
vashti 
Girls have much more to risk by having casual sex, so it is generally wise to be cautious about engaging in sexual activity until you are pretty sure the guy is a keeper. It sounds like she wants you, but wants to proceed with caution.
Vash said it best.., in fact.., I have a guy friend of mine.., who has no issue with casual sex.., the only issue with him is that he's not honest about it.., (he lies/dishonest).., it just so happens that he's had sex with two very good female friends of mine.., and now both of them don't talk to him and want nothing to do with him..
If you talk to both of them.., they'll tell you quite clearly how it feels for a woman to have sex with a guy.., and then just have that guy take off.., (important)
"Almost as if I lost something.., he took it away.., like he came into my life and stole something from me.., and now it's gone.." (Carla)
"Really cheated.., like he wasn't at all fair to me.., as if he just got what he was looking for.., as if that was the only thing he cared about.., and now that he got it.., he's gone" (Maria)
If it helps you get more in touch with the feeling.., try and picture yourself with a girl you really REALLY like and have feelings for.., and you have just invested all this time and mental energy/effort into a date with her.., and on top of that.., you ended up spending a lot of money so that the two of you can enjoy a wonderful weekend together.., the next weekend comes.., you call her.., and she doesn't pick up.., you try again.., she's not answering.., you eventually realize.., that you were used.., she got what she wanted.., she had her fun time.., at your cost.., and now she's gone.., everything you did went to waste.., how do you feel?
Time to backwards rationalize.., just to understand the mentality a little bit deeper and more fully:
So.., girl meets guy.., girl likes guy.., guy likes girl.., there's affection.., feelings grow and develop.., and as this affection and these feelings grow.., so does the guy's urge to have sex.., it's natural.., but that's just looking at the guy's point of view.., we know the guy's point of view.., we're interested in what it's like for the girl..
For the girl.., emotions and feelings growing is no small matter.., they might be dreamers.., but they're also quite far from optimistic.., they have a tendency to focus on the negatives.., and thus.., be doubtful.., be more conservative with taking risks.., and not be too quick to go out on the line.. (not wanting to get hurt).., now combine this mentality.., with their view of "sex"
Yes.., sex is good.., and it is at that point where the male and female view of sex depart.., significantly..., for a woman.., like Vash said.., there are major costs and risks.., (no.., not health related or pregnancy).., but emotional..
If she has sex with you.., she wants some guarantee that you'll be there the next day.., that you won't leave after sex.., she wants some control and certainty that she will have the "option" of keeping you around if she wants to.. in your case.., she wants to cash in on that option.., so she wants to be sure.., certain.., that you're not going to have sex and then leave.. (this is not hypothetical or theoretical.., put this deep into the back of your mind somewhere.. this is a genuine "fear" that women want to avoid)
The fear is.., the emotional damage that will follow.., sharing the same fate Carla and Maria had to endure.., falling for some guy.., and then after sex.., "poof".., he's gone.. (yes.., guys like this are pigs.., a disgrace to all men.., but they're out there.., and yes.., we all know this isn't you.., but SHE doesn't know that)
Now.., because she doesn't know that.., and doesn't feel that sense of certaintly.., control.., and safety/security.. that you're not going to leave from her life after sex.., you're getting what some other guys on this forum are familiar with.. "LMR" (Last Minute Resistance)..
Her: I want you so bad right now.., go inside me
You: Game on.., (get hard.., go inside)
Her: (thinking: what if he just wants sex? what if this? what if that?)
Her: Wait! We can't.., i'm sorry
You: (Thinking: wtf? I'm confused.., make up your mind woman!)
This might sound a little crazy.., but the way to get past LMR.., (besides doing a good job of destroying the causes PRIOR to being in a sex situation).., is actually putting up some LMR of your own.., and actively but weakly resisting her.., and actually allowing her to persist..
Her: I want you so bad right now.., go inside me
You: I don't know if we should be doing this.. (proceed to take off her bra).., I don't really know if i'm ready for this yet.. (help her take off her pants)
Her: Oh shut up and go inside me..
You: (thinking: wtf? I'm not ready means you're ready? ugh.. crazy)
LMR vs. LMR: (after you've offered your initial LMR)
Her: I don't think this is a good idea
You: I told you.., but you wouldn't listen.., (put arm around neck and massage back of neck with your hand.. tenderly pulling and stroking hair).., look.. I don't want to feel pressured into doing anything that i'm not ready to do yet.., and if you think you're ready.. that's great.., but if it feels awkward.., it's because I don't think i'm completely ready just yet.., I need some more time.., can you just give me that? please? Thanks.. (kiss on forehead.., then walk away and get something to eat or sit down and relax on the coutch and watch some t.v..., come back and try again later.. when "YOU are ready")
Whatever you do.., don't get frustrated over statements that don't make any sense.. (LMR needlessly drives good guys away purely out of frustration.., don't let that happen to you).., such as "I don't think this is a good idea" or "I want you so bad.., go inside me now.., wait! stop! I don't think we should do this.., I don't think i'm ready yet".. Most certainly however.., don't get sucked into the mentality of.. "wait until she's ready.., let her make the choice.. blah blah".., you can be waiting a long time.., a LONG time.., to do something you BOTH want to do.. only because it takes her a LONG time to make up her mind with her system of rationaliztion..
There's nothing wrong with giving her a little push.., in the right direction.. helping her make up her mind.., and see that you're NOT that kind of guy.., (especially if you're REALLY.., NOT THAT KIND OF GUY).. there's absolutely NOTHING wrong about it.. so just do it.., and don't get stuck high and dry with LMR.. help her realize that it's ok and safe to do what she wants to do with you.. don't just wait there and hope that she realizes it on her own without you doing jack sh*t.., you can both be waiting a long time of you sit there and do nothing..
Best,
GrkScorp
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