Scared and Insecure - Love Forum

kind_heart · #1 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 01:10 AM

Hi there guys, how are all of you? Anyways here's my problem
I have been around these boards looking at the different topics and I have found some very interesting insights and information. Well, I have a couple of questions for everyone and anyone. You see the thing is, is that I'm a virgin (Gosh I can hear most of you laughing at me right now), but my boyfriend isn't. While I do plan on waiting until I'm married to have sex (or as I prefer to call it making love) I was wondering how some of you cope with the feelings of maybe thinking of being compared to a past lover(s) in your s.o's past. (if you or them weren't the first).

Secondly, if you were plagued by these feelings how did you get over it? I'm not holding his past against him whatsoever. I guess what bothers me the most is that if I did decide to want to take things to the next level with him, I wouldn't want to try new positions or other forms of intimate experimentation b/c I'd feel 'well, he probably already did this with so and such at so and such a place...why would he bother wanting to do those things with me? If and when I'm able to over come these insecurities, I know that when I do have a sex life I want it to be wonderful and absolutely fun and spicy.

*Secondly if someone you cared about was feeling the way that I do now, how would you feel and would there be anything you would do to alleviate such insecurities. Thank you all ahead of time for your input and advice I appreciate it very much.

*My bf has never ever compared me to past ex's nor has he pressured me into having sex...he respects my decision to wait.

*Sometimes I think maybe I should break things off with him in order to stop feeling so insecure, so that he'd be better off with someone at his level of experience, it seems like all guys would rather be with an experienced girl, rather than one they would have to 'teach' and didn't have a clue as to what she is doing.

Clifton · #2 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 01:17 AM

all i can really say is you have nothing to worry about, you are the one who hasto be pleased, not him...guys come really easy, so his expirience might work out in the end for you, just be ready to explore new things with him when you do decide to start having sex, and it will be fun...as for positions, the reason to do those isnt just to do it difrently, theres difrent pluses to each position... he wouldnt compare you to his ex's unless he was a dick anyway. but what i mean is for instance, theres positions for slow love making, where you can both see in each others eyes, and then theyres ones that work really well with hard ****ing.. some that allow more penetration, some that allow less, so for every combination of female and male there is difrent positions to compensate for anatomy, or what kindof mood you are in when your making love..anyway just remember, its much harder for him to please you sexually than it is for you to please him. remember that. and if you are really interested in pleasing him when you do start having sex, all you hafto do is ask him what he likes, and there you go

bluesummer · #3 (**permalink**) 18-04-04, 08:18 AM

Well, my first bf and I were both virgins, so no issue there (but I did make him wait a year). But the next one, the one I am still in love with, well he told me he slet with over 20 girls before me, and it shocked me so bad I cried. Obviously he was a lot more experienced than me, and I felt kind of the same way as you, like maybe he should go out with another girl who had been with more people.

But the bottom line is, virgin or not, if you love each other and you do eventually decide to have sex, it comes down to just you and him, not everyone who came before you (and I don't mean that in the way it sounded!) . If he cares about you, not only will he resect your decision to wait, but he will revel in the experience of being with you because its YOU, not just because he's getting some. That's how I was able to look past my bf's lengthy history....I KNEW that sex with ME individually actually meant something to him.

sfalexi · #4 (**permalink**) 19-04-04, 12:53 AM

Quote:

You see the thing is, is that I'm a virgin (Gosh I can hear most of you laughing at me right now), but my boyfriend isn't.

No one's laughing. I'm a virgin too. There. So if anyone's GOING to laugh, you'll have a partner through it.

Quote:

I was wondering how some of you cope with the feelings of maybe thinking of being compared to a past lover(s) in your s.o's past. (if you or them weren't the first).

My ex was more experienced than I was in the intamacy area. She was my first everything. And I mean EVERYTHING from a french kiss on up the ladder. However she's done stuff with other guys. Most of the stuff she did she ended up regretting because the guys would use her and leave her once they got a little action. However, I felt good because I was her longest relationship and I could tell she cared about me. To me, it's not "what she's done with others" but rather "How she feels about doing them with me."

Quote:

Sometimes I think maybe I should break things off with him in order to stop feeling so insecure, so that he'd be better off with someone at his level of experience, it seems like all guys would rather be with an experienced girl, rather than one they would have to 'teach' and didn't have a clue as to what she is doing.

Actually, most guys I know would rather have a girl that DOESN'T have too much experience. They feel safer in all different areas (not being compared to ex's like you are worrying about, STD-wise) plus there's a certain "pride" of knowing that YOU were the one that she decided to sleep first with. It's not always a bad thing of "Yeah. I got to pop her cherry!" but can also be a good thing as though, "Wow. I can't believe she chose me to do this with. She must really really love me enough to do this for/with me."

As for breaking it off, doesn't seem like he's DOING anything wrong in the relationship with you so if you want to break it off because of his past, that's up to you. If you feel that you can put it behind you, then go ahead. Seems like a good guy from what I can tell. However if it bothers you alot, then maybe you need to wait until you find someone who's past doesn't intimidate you so much instead of continually wondering this and that.

Alexi

sfalexi · #5 (**permalink**) 19-04-04, 12:54 AM

Oooh. New fancy quote boxes. Very nice.

Clifton · #6 (**permalink**) 19-04-04, 02:13 AM

yea alexi is right, i'd much rather be with a girl who was a virgin or only had a handful of partners than some girl who has ****ed 40 guys, for a relationship. and because of that he will feel honored to get inside the nang

KaWaiiSkYe · #7 (**permalink**) 21-04-04, 02:08 AM

A tiny weird Poem.. LoL.
Smoke a Smoke
Not a butt
**** a Virgin
Not a Slut..
LoL.. Sorry.. I'm bein' well random..

BillyGalbreath · #8 (**permalink**) 21-04-04, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluesummer

..he will revel in the experience of being with you because its YOU..

I have never seen anyone use the word revel so well before in an everyday conversation. I give you props for that.

dragoon · #9 (**permalink**) 21-04-04, 03:50 AM

On a strictly physical level, you've got it easy because you are a girl. He's got his work cut out for him. Enjoy that fact.

On a more emotional and relationship level, you shouldn't worry about it. He loves you, and wants to be with you. No two people have sex the same, but that doesn't mean one couple is "better" than the other. It's a unique bond that only you and him will share.

Not to mention, having sex with someone you really love is pretty much always wonderful. The two of you are so comfortable with each other and have so much to express, the sex pretty much always rocks.

BillyGalbreath · #10 (**permalink**) 11-05-04, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragoon

...It's a unique bond that only you and him will share.

Not to mention, having sex with someone you really love is pretty much always wonderful. The two of you are so comfortable with each other and have so much to express, the sex pretty much always rocks.

I miss that bond...

It is the best feeling in the world - better than sex itself

shun051 · #11 (**permalink**) 05-06-04, 07:50 AM

OMG GURLLLL... you dont kno how lucky you are!
lol first of all on a shallow note... you get to experience the experienced lol i mean he is experience and if u decided to do it with him... U BENEFITED!!!!!! cuz he knows the ins and out en all u do is receive receive receive!!! LMAOOOO

but neways seriously.... you SHOULD NOT I REPEAT IF U LOVE HIM SHOULD NOT BREAK UP WITH HIM
that is such a dumb reason to break up with him
it sounds like he LOVES U SOOO MUCH... dont lower urself to that level

TO really FEEL SECURE EN COMFY with urself and ur relationship.. the first step u have to do is RESPECT URSELF.. cuz rite now all ur doing is lowering ur self/ standard..
u deserve him as much as anyother girl.. . so dont FEEL LIKE UR NOT GOOD ENUFF FOR HIM (exuallyy or wat not)

2. ok seriously if u ever decided to do it with him DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT worry if ur PLEASIN HIM OR NOT!!!! JUS GO WIHT THE FLOW EN DO THE DEED

becuz the truth is... like wat the ohter member have said... hes happy to know that u decided to do it with him
and at this point he only worry about PLEASING YOU MAKING SUR UR FIRST TIME IS AS GREAT AS EVERRR!!!!

and ur job is to enjoy it en be secure with urself.. .let him explore you... if he knows he have satisfied you... the he have satisfied HIMSELF... he'lll feel pround to make ur first time the BEST !!!!

OK LONG MESSAGE... but hopw u read it KK BYE NOW