Originally Posted by
Ashliejae 
i am not asking for a sex slave
Obviously not.., what you're asking for is reasonable..
So.., the issue is PE.., and that's something he's self-conscious about.., obviously.., and as a result.., builds resentment towards his partner during sex because he's reminded of it.., and when he's reminded of it.., it impacts him in a negative way.., (and you end up with a "reaction" on his part.., if he can't enjoy sex.., then you can't either.., maybe he's doing it consciously.., maybe he's doing it unconsciously.., but that's what's going on)
So.., the way to go about it.., is to target the source.., and the source is his issue (PE).., an insecurity of his.., and the way to go about it.., is by comforting it.., when you read just how to do this.., you'll see how easy and simple it is.. (I would also like to say.., that I think it's really nice of you to be doing what you're doing)
How does he feel with PE? Well.., I have the opposite problem.., so me and you are in the same boat.., so let's just both try and picture ourselves in his situation for a moment.., society around you teases guys for reaching orgasm "too fast".., and further pressure is added to imply that the partner is left unsatisfied.., so just from this alone.., when you're going into sex.., knowing you have the issue that you do.., you immediately feel that you're not pleasing your partner.., you immediately feel that she's unsatisfied.., and just trying to comfort you if she mentions anything.., you are going into sex.., with the wrong frame of mind.., where anything than can happen.., will be viewed in a negative way.., and it's not a big shock.., that sex is not exactly such a great experience for you if this is the case.., you feel humiliated.., embarrassed.., ashamed.., incapable.., useless.., etc.., When your partner asks for sex.., you don't take it as them asking for more sexual pleasure because they like it.., but you see it as them asking for more sexual pleasure.., because they were left unsatisfied.., causing you to feel even more upset.., that's enough.., it's interesting to take a look at things from an other person's point of view.., but let's both come out of this and back to normal now..
That's all fine and dandy.., but the real question is.., now that you know how it feels like for him.., and why he behaves the way he does.., what steps can you take to get the two of you.., to where you want to be sexually..
Step 1. Sex is "pleasure time".., plain and simple.., nobody is judging.., there is no pressure.., none of that matters.., all that sex is.., is pleasure time.., between you and him.., and nobody else.., It's pleasure time for you.., and it's pleasure time for him.., (notice: you are removing any emotional discomfort on his part from him thinking about having to make you sexually satisfied.., his issue coming in the way.., feeling unable to.., blah blah.., none of that matters.., because sex is pleasure time.., and that's all it is).., this simply creates a positive attitude towards sex..
Step 2. There is pleasure in exchanging gifts.., not just for the one who is "getting".., but for the one who is "giving" as well.., (have you ever wanted to take something.., use it.., and you knew the person you would take it from had no problem with you taking it? What happens when you take it and don't bother asking? "Is it that much of a big deal to just ask?".., what's the point? You know they're going to give it to you anyway..).., the point is.., that yes.. they would give it to you.., but when you take it without asking.., you rob them of the pleasure of feeling generous and as if they just gave you permission to use something.., whereas when you ask.., you allow for them to feel that pleasure.., Better example? (in the heat of the moment.., you may give him oral sex.., but how different do you feel when he asks for it.., or holds your head and guides it?).., afford him the pleasure.., of you "asking" for the gift he's about to give you.., hold his head and guide it.., or spread your legs and almost beg him to go down on you.., (not in a demanding/pushy way.., but in a playful/sensual way)
So far.., what have you done? You've reverse-conditioned him.., to no longer think of sex as this so-so or negative experience.., sex is now pressure free.., judgement free.., pleasure time.., and you have further re-enforced the idea that you want and seek out the pleasure that he has to offer you..
Step 3. It's not just "sex".., what I like to do.., is sit side by side.., where the girl can look at my face and feel my body.., and I use my hands to work her up down there.., easy access to her breasts for additional teasing.., and easy to kiss as she's about to orgasm.., no penis involved.., or.., oral sex.., lots and lots of oral sex.., or.., clitorage.., where the penis is involved.., but no actual intercourse is taking place.., the point is.., to allow him to explore different ways he can give you pleasure.., to serve as a way to re-enforce the concept in his mind that "he can give you pleasure"..
Step 4. He is a sex diety.., to everyone else you know or he knows.., he is the ultimate source of your sexual pleasure.., the point of that being.., that people talk.., they eventually talk anyway.., and it's more powerful for him to hear that from you.., INDIRECTLY.., (imagine.., him hearing from one of your friends or better.., one of his friends.., that you were talking and you told them how he blows your mind away.., and that sex between the two of you is amazing.., blah blah).., even if actual verbal communication doesn't take place.., he really will pick up on it by the way others react to him..
Step 5. (Last step) Give & Take.., that's what it all boils down to.., you've created enough positive motivation for him to actually (feel like he can please you.., get pleasure from pleasing you.., enjoy sex fully.., and therefore.., want to have sex).., at this stage.., it's all give and take.., one time.., you initiate.., next time.., he does.., when you're having sex.., you take turns pleasing eachother.., then you have a brief moment of intercourse.., and then back to pleasing eachother back and forth.., that's what "sex" will come to..
Note: nowhere in these steps.., do you hear anything about "telling him".., that "you make me so happy.., omg that was amazing.., etc".., remember.., initially.., he's VERY insecure because of his PE.., so anything you say.., EVEN IF IT'S TRUE.., will be seen through a negative lens.., which means it will be counterproductive to even bother saying it.., you have to "show" it.., LET HIM SEE IT FOR HIMSELF.., without "saying" it.., (what it means to comfort.., and aim to eliminate an insecurity completely).., when you do that.., and you get to Step 5.., then all of that other undesireable behavior that's linked to that insecurity.., will stop..
There you go.., you have an entire road-map of sorts.., in one post.., the rest is up to you.., you definitely have the willingness to do it.., so there's no doubt that you'll get it done.., just don't be too eager or energetic about it.., be casual and relaxed.., it does take time.., but when you'll finally get to step 5.., now that's when you'll start to see the payoff.., till then.., good luck!
Best,
GrkScorp
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