Girls, what do I do?

[bluesummer]

Well, in reply to all that, I must say that I wasn't a teenager too long ago myself, and I certainly wasn't born in the 50's. My sister lost her virginity at 15, and it just never stopped there.....she got pregnant at 18. She sincerely regrets being too advanced so young, because it led her to where she is.

When I look back at being 14 and how naive I was (but didn't think I was at the time), I know I would never have been ready for any kind of sexual relations. Im not trying to judge you, and NO I don't know you, but Im certain that you are jumping into something NEITHER of you are ready for. Quite honestly, I can't believe that at 14 she has already given someone a hand job. I did have sex in high school, but my bf and I chose to wait a year out of respect for each other, and even then it was a product of both love and teenage lust. I see that now.

[LoneWolf]

umm yeah grow the **** up....your just a damn perv.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

Then would that make me and everyone else that I know a Perv just because we lost our virginities when we were Fourteen/Fifteen...?

[kawabungz]

I disagree with that thought Skye..

[veritas0930]

It's all personal choice about what people do and when they do it. As long as they're respectful of each other, it's up to them to control themselves and whatnot.

Dude...your gf will give you head...just give it time and enjoy what you have now while you have it because relationships don't last forever. And unless she has something personally against giving head [at which point you should respect her point of view and try something else instead], you will end up doing that and plenty more.

And for those with kids, please don't lock them up to try and stop them from doing things. It's up to you to get the values in them...not to bend to peer pressure and to be able to make their own decisions.

After that, it's their own life and you have no right to tell them what to do. I'm not saying you should leave them to do anything they want to do. You should just tell them logically [no, telling them a hundred stories about that girl who got pregnant at twelve with triplets isn't very logical...] the reality of the situation...about how their actions will really impact their lives. It depends how far you want to go with your life.

Concentrate on your personal success and later on, you can enjoy all the pleasures that life can offer [with the added joy of not having to worry about how broke you are or how you're going to afford schooling and raising children or whatever]. As I said, it's a personal choice and we should be respectful. Give advice, but there is no need to criticise because whether we like it or not, they will do it if they want to.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

*Nods in agreement*..
Btw.. 'Veritas'.. I really had no idea when you signed up.. LoL.. Even though you're always sittin' behind me..
Anyway.. It was my own choice.. so I take my own responsibility..

[squirrley]

Its like this until you have children of your own-you cant understand our point of view. As a parent you do your best to install the values of life and making the right decision. We can only hope that when theyre placed in that kind of situation they will use their minds and not their privates to make the right decision. Of course we're not niave to think they wont mess around...we just want them to understand the implications and the effects AFTER that short moment of lust. It doesnt last...

Im not going to lock my son up so he WONT experiment, damn thats ludacris. But the reality of it is theres more out there TODAY then there was when we were 14 and the last thing I want for my son is to come home with some shit. It scares the hell out of me to think that 14 year olds TODAY think NOTHING of having sex or messing around. You cant tell me different either...theyre not thinking "oh oh i cant mess around i might get something." No theyre not-my sons friends come here and tell me how they mess around and get hand jobs and blow jobs how theyre gettin it on with some chick one weekend and another the next. Theyre mentality is not of an adult and they dont make decisions based on the real threat.

So if you feel its OKAY for 14 year olds to go out and mess around and think theyre capable of making the right decisions your sadly mistaken. I know my son will mess around and has messed around-I cant be with him 24/7 I can only pray that with as many discussions that weve had he will make the right decision. Im sure as hell not gonna give him a condomn at 14 and give him the green light to have sex. He knows my position on it-and hopefully he understands and will listen.

Its his life and as the mom Im gonna make damn bloody sure hes around a lot longer than me...give him the right guidance to make the right decisions for HIS life. I wont condone these kids messing around and allow him to think its ok. One thing does lead to another...

[KaWaiiSkYe]

My bf's mum gives us warnin'.. talks on what can happen.. but she doesn't exactly stop us.. She even gave me a mornin' after pill incase somethin' did went wrong.. She was well helpful.. I like her.. Not because of the whole sex thing.. It's just everythin' about her..

[Breezy18]

Well, when I said that I would lock my daughters up until they are thirty, it was meant as a joke for crying out loud. I agree with Squirrley, you can't POSSIBLY know how a parent feels about this. Of course if you're fourteen, your opinion is going to be vastly different from someone who has a CHILD who is fourteen. And yes, nowadays there's so much more to worry about than getting pregnant. THAT I could handle, wouldn't WANT to, but I could. What I can't handle is one of my kids coming home with HIV or worse. Not to mention how it could mess with your mind emotionally. No. I say again. You are not emotionally or mentally ready for that kind of relationship. And Veritas, my children may have there own lives, but while they are living with me, it's my responsibility to instill values, self-worth and pride in them as well as keep them safe. NOT an easy task. As a parent, you HAVE to set boundaries. There is no negotiation on certain things.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

We know we don't know how a parent feel because we don't have children.
When do you think people will be emotionally or mentally ready for that 'kind' of relationship then? Is there like an age limit for that? Although there are a lot of things where they have age limits.. but that's not the point.
Some teenagers may be ready and I'm sure they know what they're gettin' themselves into.. Pregnancy.. HIV.. STDs.. Hence that's why they have a Brook Centre to help People under 25.. They give free contraception to people younger than Sixteen.. I'm sure y'all thinkin' that's stupid and it's just flashin' the word 'SEX' to all teenagers.. That isn't true in all cases though.. I mean.. Sure.. there're loads of stupid 'Players' makin' bets on how many girls they can sleep with. That's just plain stupid and that's the people who doesn't know what they're gettin' themselves into..

[Lanie623]

I think some of you grown women who are also my age are living in the dark ages if you don't understand that 14 yr olds are not only getting handjobs and blowjobs but much more. Know it, live it. They ARE doing it, they WILL do it, so how about advising how to go about this most responsibly instead of talking down to him. With that said my reply to Mr. Rock is thus: I know you want more. That is sooooooo normal. You will think about it every second but what you said is key. You want her more then you want more. Remember that. At the ages you are, YOU don't make the moves, she does. Your job and remember this always, is to respect her, treat her good and protect both of you, and you know what I mean, from diseases etc. Never, ever assume nobody lies and there will be many girls who will tell you they've never done anything before. As I told my own daughter, be sure your with worth dying for if your going to take unprotected chances. Because those odds are too real. I respect you for caring more about her then your desires. Know your normal and if you didn't think of wanting more, then we should worry!

[Nowoonder]

Reading through all these mom's views on the topic I cannot avoid the feeling that your position is counterproductive. Everything you forbid, be it alcohol, tobacco, hemp, or sex is going to be interesting for teeneagers. Look for example at statistics on teenage hemp usage in countries where it is not illegal to posses and smoke (such as the Netherlands or Switzerland). The coolness factor is much lower for the kids than in countries where it is illegal (like Great Britain or Germany) and so is hemp usage.

Informing them well but then giving them all the freedom to chose and all the support they need (including condoms - btw. what a stupid idea not to give them condoms) sounds much more fruitful for me. E.g. my parents always told me what's up with and what they think about alcohol/sex/whatever. And they told me what they would me expect to do reasonably. But then they let me decide. And what was the outcome? I didn't drink excessively, I never smoked tobacco, I tried hemp a few times (can count with one hand), and I waited with full sex till I was 21(!!!) and madly in love.

You can say this is just a matter of luck or just a coincidence. Right, very possibly so. But then take a close look at statistics on teen pregnancy in different countries. The teen pregnancy rates in the United States are considerably higher than in Great Britain, Australia, Germany, France, the Netherlands, or Japan. Maybe it's my "Old European" bias, but in my mind map in the United States the average stance on teenage sex is pretty "conservative". At least, compared to countries like Great Britain, Germany, France, and the Netherlands (I cannot talk about Australia or Japan as I have not had the luck to spend any considerable amount of time there).

Interestingly enough, among the mentioned countries the perceived level of liberality in teenage sex pretty well matches the order of teenage pregnancy rates. Great Britain has double the teenage pregnancy rate as Germany which on the other hand has double the teenage pregnancy rate as the Netherlands. France is somewhere in between Germany and the Netherlands which pretty much matches my perception on sexual liberality.

Now excuse my rather long reply on this topic, but this meme of "they do it a lot nowadays - let's make it forbidden and hope that stops them" really gets me as sooooo wrong. Last example: In Norway they have ridiculously high taxes on alcohol (imagine 12 bucks - US$ or EUR - per glass in a simple bar). Now guess what all the teenagers (and all of the first and second year university students) do on weekends? They spend all their money on booze. And during the week? They take extra jobs after school / instead of university classes to get money to pay booze. Great.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

I really don't think I understood most of that.. but nonetheless.. I think I got it in the end.. But. Yeah..
As for what Lanie said.. I agree with you.. Loads of fourteen years old are doin' it now.. There's no stoppin' them unless you keep them grounded until they're like seventeen.. Or whatever age you think it's appropriate for them to start havin' sex..

[Nowoonder]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaWaiiSkYe

I really don't think I understood most of that.. but nonetheless.. I think I got it in the end.. But. Yeah..

Well, then here is an executive summary just for you:

Parents thinks it helps to forbid stuff they don't want their children to do. Common sense (at least mine) says it doesn't. Statistics (on whatsoever f*cking you might forbid) say it doesn't. Parents keep forbidding stuff because they LOVE their kids and KNOW what is BEST for them.

You think you got it all now?

[squirrley]

let me give some stats in the US:

2/3 STD'S occur in people under the age of 25

15,000,000 NEW cases of STD'S every year

65,000,000 people have INCURABLE STD'S

over 1,000,000 unplanned pregnancies occur EACH year which 80% are unwanted.

3/5 women dont know theyre more susceptible to STD'S than men.


NOW-hearing those (which came from Trojan) what do you think is saying to our society????? HELLO-we are in a society of pure ignorance...and its getting worse.
And its those people who believe in handing condomns to 14 years like its freakn candy. It makes no sense. At 16 no problem-but I will hold out and keep discussing these issues until then. Im not blind my child is experimenting but hes at a age that he understands just WHAT can happen IF he does it. It depends on the parent and open of a relationship they have with one another.

Its make sick to see my sons classmates who are freakn 14 and pregnant...and you cant say "well if my mom wouldve given me a condomn." BULLSHIT. Its called uneducated children......if they are that desperate to have sex they'll get protection from someone...but its not gonna be me until I feel hes a little more mature to handle it all-

Everyones different on their views but I wont condone it. I didnt have sex at freakn 14-I had a great relationship with my mom and knew when I was ready...and the same will go for my son...keep the lines of communication open at all times. Im NOT in the damn dark-but it goes to show that people vary in their ideas of whats appropiate...