Girls, what do I do? - Page 3 - Love Forum

Nowoonder · #31 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:14 AM

Well, squirrley.

What about that level of ignorance (and its really awful consequences) being brought about by people unwilling to accept that teenage sexuality is a fact? I think you're guilty mixing up cause and effect.

I totally agree with you that just handing out condoms is an immensely stupid thing todo. On its own. But if you keep the kids informed AND hand them condoms just in case they make their own decisions differently from yours - isn't this a better situation than when they do not have condoms and do have sex regardless of you allowing them?

The larger problem is a society banning anything sexual from people "underage". How are they supposed not to be ignorant if everyone is hesitant to admit even the existance of teenage sexuality let alone help them deal with it reasonably???

squirrley · #32 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:22 AM

I freakn KNOW theyre having sex-Im NOT oblivious to that fact-you dont think Im NOT up on whats what with them-hell Ive got his friends admitting to me theyre involved. Im the coolest mom here-thats why everyone hangs out here-because I am OPEN with them. I educate the hell out of my son and his friends...and wont stop.

People arent blind to it-its HOW they DEAL with it with their children. And obviously a lot of parents DONT want to see whats happening-cause the pregnancy rate is through the roof not to mention the STD'S. What does that tell you????

I will keep educating my son-hes almost 15-and 3 years hes off to college. I dont spend my days and nights focused on sex but HIS future...and HE looks to that as well. I wont deny that teen sex is becoming a norm-but it still doesnt make it right.

Nowoonder · #33 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:28 AM

If you know (and accept) that - why do you insist it is wrong?

As to your educating - assuming you are doing it without too much preaching - I would say that it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

And you are, of course, right in that the majority of parents are not taking their duty of educating their kids seriously enough.

Still - in how far do you think letting your kids make their own decision is a bad idea? I still don't get that.

squirrley · #34 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:31 AM

They should be able to make their own decisions-Im not saying that at all-with enough educating they should make the right one.

If someone is oblivious to something they no nothing about-what are they basing their decision on??? You educate them-you set them in a direction you feel is best for them-and can ONLY pray they make the right decision.

Nowoonder · #35 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirrley

They should be able to make their own decisions-Im not saying that at all-with enough educating they should make the right one.

If someone is oblivious to something they no nothing about-what are they basing their decision on??? You educate them-you set them in a direction you feel is best for them-and can ONLY pray they make the right decision.

I see we are converging. From different ends, but definitely converging

You remember my account of my parents approach?! They always told me everything I needed and they always set me in the right direction. And I almost every time made the right decision.

Now, where are we differing?

You would not give them condoms because you feel it would legitimate them to have sex.

I would give them condoms in case that they do decide to do something. And if it is their firm belief that they are doing the right thing, then for me they ARE doing the right thing.

For you it would be wrong nevertheless.

It all comes down to how much you can let go and how much you have to control.

So I think instead of taking our argument further (which after we nailed it down to a very small yet significant difference in attitude) we should go out and do some more education for the masses, eh?

KaWaiiSkYe · #36 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:44 AM

That's great Squirrley.. My bf got his own protection.. he didn't get it off his mum first y'know.. Other teenagers who think they're ready would go get their own protection.. won't they? I doubt they're gonna go up to their mum and ask for Condoms straight up..
Nowoonder.. Yeah.. i understand it now.. Thanks..

squirrley · #37 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:45 AM

Now that I agree with...

Nowoonder · #38 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaWaiiSkYe

I doubt they're gonna go up to their mum and ask for Condoms straight up..

I'm right there with you. Except, if you knew my mom, you would think differently. But that's another story

KaWaiiSkYe · #39 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 04:56 AM

Yeah.. I think I know what your mum's like.. My bf's mum is like that..

Nowoonder · #40 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 05:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaWaiiSkYe

Yeah.. I think I know what your mum's like.. My bf's mum is like that..

Shit! And I though she was unique

Congrats to your b/f then...

Breezy18 · #41 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nowoonder

E.g. my parents always told me what's up with and what they think about alcohol/sex/whatever. And they told me what they would me expect to do reasonably. But then they let me decide. And what was the outcome? I didn't drink excessively, I never smoked tobacco, I tried hemp a few times (can count with one hand), and I waited with full sex till I was 21(!!!) and madly in love.

Sounds like you had great parents Nowoonder. That's all Squirrley and I are trying to be. My parents were divorced and my mother, (custodial parent), never told me ANYTHING about ANYTHING. I even had to learn about menstruation at school and my friends. She never lectured me on the dangers of alcohol, drugs or sex. She just never spoke of it period! But guess what? I only tried pot three times in school, didn't take a drink of alcohol until I was 18 and didn't have sex until I was in love with my fiance at the age of 20. Point? It depends GREATLY on the person. I was never bothered by peer pressure because I've always had a very strong personality. But when it comes to my OWN children, I HAVE to let them know how I feel on the subject. No holds barred. I am not going to change my opinion just because everyone is doing it. I think you'd agree that is ridiculous. They have to know that it is unacceptable by me, but that doesn't mean the end of discussion. And it also doesn't mean that I'm closed-minded to them if they choose to disregard my advice. They KNOW this. I would rather they use some form of birth control (or several), than have to deal with the outcome of unprotected sex. I still think 14 is FAR too young to be engaging in sexual activity. And Skye, I really can't say at what age someone will be ready. Some kids mature faster than others. But, I still want my kids to enjoy being kids while they can and not have the added stress and responsibilities that sexual activity brings. And it does both. Believe me, no matter WHAT age you are.

bluesummer · #42 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 01:02 PM

I just don't know what to think. Parents are far too liberal with their children these days. They say, treat them like adults, let them make their own decisions. Well, guess what....they are not adults and they lack the life experience to make adult decisions, which is why they are under our care until a certain age. If my parents hadn't been there kicking my ass throughout my teenage years, I hate to think what may have happened to me. No, you can't control everything they do, but obviously if you are allowing your children to 'date' at 12, 13, 14, you are allowing them to be put into situations they don't need to be in until they're older.

Nowoonder · #43 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluesummer

No, you can't control everything they do, but obviously if you are allowing your children to 'date' at 12, 13, 14, you are allowing them to be put into situations they don't need to be in until they're older.

I never said you should let them date at 14 or before. As you say, dating is a situation where certain problems will arise. But is dating the only way two teenagers can get together? I'm sure not.

rocknroll9 · #44 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 02:20 PM

lainie, Nowounder, and skye, thankyou for your opinions and other input. Squirly and bluesummer,i deffenetly dont understand whare youre coming from, and I wont for a long time. I respect your point of views though, cause thats what they are. None of this is answers, its all opinions.

squirrley · #45 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 05:59 PM

Sweetie-no one can tell you what to do...hopefully your parents have given you enough information that you will make the right decision for yourself. I completely understand where you are coming from and you cant on my end YET. However-PLEASE just think about what has been said in this thread from everyone, Im sure you didnt think youd get this kind of response. But be informed for YOURSELF!

I realize youre thinking of the here and now..but also think of your future.