Squirrley, thanks for your thoughts. Let me reply to some comments so you have a better outlook on the picture.
"As you mature and have experiences sex becomes other things other than JUST fun."
Correct. I know I said that in my post, but that's not how I truly feel. I WANT sex to be fun but I also WANT it to be emotionally stimulating as well. I don't do flings/booty calls/whatever. I really only get pleased when I feel both the physical and emotional simluation. I'm not doing it just to get my rocks off. I want her to feel as fulfilled as I do on multiple levels. You know, being with someone you love, sharing this act of passion and love, pleasing one another.
"I would suggest trying to get her to relax MORE...make more of the moment for yourself. Let her know youre not just about THAT. You want more. "
We have done that. The RELAX game is difficult if not impossible at times for her. The first time she had an orgasm was waking up with me from a nap, we just rolled over and went at it. No time for talk, no time for thinking and BANG! Other times weren't as "unconscious" as that but she was relaxed and didn't have stuff to worry about. Thing is she's ALWAYS worried about stuff in everyday life. Little things i've learned to not make a big deal of with my experience is in her eyes, a big deal. (but that changes with age/maturity) Even little things drive her nuts like temperature, pillow position, light/darkness, an itch. It doesn't matter. One tiny mote of dust and she's down from whatever flame she had to ice. Even a little too much lubricant and she's having bad times.
"Turn the situation around so it doesnt come off like its HER fault things are kindy on the less romantic side. And then ask her what ccan you do to help. Its not her fault shes at where she is-you need to work with her not against her."
I have done this. I've even blamed myself out loud to her (even if I don't really feel that way) to help her feel better. I have been sensitive like one time I held her wrists (not mean-like) and she freaked. She just started crying. I found out that when she was raped, that's what he did and we talked about it and I gave her my support and understanding and she felt better. She knows i'm OK with her. Heck, I didn't give her crap EVER about when she couldn't come before. I just said with a smile "I guess we'll have to keep practicing." ;-) and she was glad I understood.
"Sex is great and sex should be fun and intimate, youre not doing either. "
It used to be this way though. In the beginning she told me that "you're the first guy i've been with that I feel that i'm making love too. Not just having sex with because we have feelings for each other and you're not using me."
I haven't "changed" my behavior since then. I'm a "nice guy" but sometimes I push her buttons but she always comes back wanting more and I never insult her views or self. (I do give her a hard time for being lazy but she ALWAYS gives me the "I'm too lazy to go get ___" ) lol. There is feelings and emotion in the relationship OUTSIDE of sex but not really within. I don't feel like someone else is involved or anything. (I've been burned twice and looking back there are some OBVIOUS signs I ignored that I can see better now. Hindsight is 20/20 ya know.) I just get the impression it's her frustrations limiting the rest of her enjoyment. I really can't get over the idea that as a woman, she feels that her goal in sex is to orgasm and nothing more.
What happened to women wanting compassion, emotion, and some kind of attachement and fullfillment of what they're doing and who with? (And yes, there's times when they just want some good ol banging without any thoughts and that's great too!)
So as a woman, why is she doing the "guy" thing and just wanting to get her rocks off considering she's still loving me and always acting like this is the best relationship she's been in? (although 4 months with me IS the longest she's been in a relationship. :-P I've done the 3 year stretch)
"(like men wont have the desire to have sex because theyre burnt out or stressed out) and she might be going through that right now herself. And might be having sex just to please you for the moment. "
She has been out of it last 2 weeks from some oral surgery, and then followed by a cold but she feels better. When she doesn't want sex, I don't push. She said this week that "i've been doing pretty good. I haven't really felt like doing it and I haven't really even been masturbating too much." (she may do that more than having sex actually but that's cool)
I know women's emotions are always in flux so I didn't push it or tell her that we should have sex soon or anything. I told her that "i'm fine too. When you feel like it again, then you'll feel like it again." she said that "i'm not trying to keep it away from you for any reason, I just haven't felt like it."
I made some comment about "If we took a nap together, I think you'd have other thoughts on your mind." she thought about it for a second and was like "You know, I think I would. I know i'd be reaching for it as soon as I wake up." (for some reason she LOVES wake up sex...even AFTER a nap right after sex! *I'm so sore sometimes!* (but it a good way!)
I'm just not sure how else to approach this. More talking usually gets her feeling down and the defense shield goes up. Not a winning combination. She usually blames herself and in the past has said "guess i'll have to keep on practicing with you." in jest but now there's no humor in her eyes. Just sadness and frustration. Whatever happens, I hope for the best in that she'll have a chance to enjoy what her body can offer her and i'm glad in a way that i'm not like one of those guys who hurt her and is patient with her. Sometimes I feel like she'd rather have the easy way out and just be hurt instead of trying to be mature and work through things. (even with this, I try not to bring it up because I KNOW she'll have it become a big thing and she can't handle it.)
) The issue is when it comes down to it, she doesn't want to do anything besides the textbook definition of intercourse, AND...if she doesn't achieve orgasm..then she has a "it was a waste of time and what was the point in doing it?" 
Linear Mode
