he doesn't want sex..

[Chanel]

Hello

So, finally I've got myself a boyfriend and we've been a couple for a month. I'm 21 and he's 23. none of us is a virgin, but it feels like someone is.

Sex is for me pure pleasure and I want to share this emotions with the guy i love. For him, though, sex means almost nothing, it's just the way of expressing his love. He has had some serious relationships and some one-night-stands. He loves to tease me all the time, but when it comes to the crucial point (and I'm talking about milimeters, coz it would really be just a small movement and he would be inside.. he does get aroused when he's with me, that's not the problem), he stops. He says he can't have sex with me, because he loves me too much. That if I were just some girl, it wouldn't have been a problem for him to get laid, but since I'm his girlfriend, he just can't do it. He says he's scared, that if we start too soon, something would go wrong. coz that's what happened with his last serious relationship, two years ago. But hey, I'm not that girl!!

And then there's another part of him - whenever we're in some pool or taking a bath, he starts saying things like how would he love to try it here and there.. and how all of his previous girlfriends were too conservative for that.

I know that I mustn't force him to do something that he doesn't want and I don't want him to feel pressured.... but I'm starting to lose my mind. All this teasing and then realizing that it just won't happen just makes me wanna :cry: We see each other every day and things just stay the same. I feel like I'm the guy in this relationship and he's a virgin girl. and the worst thing is that I'm afraid that after time I would get so familiar with this no-sex-thing, that when he would finally want it, I'll be the one who would refuse, just lose interest.

how can this problem be fixed, since everything else between us is just perfect? Or are the differences in the way we see sex too big? I know that I'm that kind of person who wants to have regular sex... and he told me that would probably not be happening with him, since it means nothing to him. He's totally into snuggling and kissing and just sleeping together -just soft, innocent things.

[Rew]

Wow, well I can't say I've been in a similar situation, kudos to him for being able to have that much self control to resist.

As always, communication and honesty is key. I totally understand you don't want to rush him into it, and I feel that's right, but if you really love eachother you should be able to talk about it. Maybe ask him about when he would like to take that next step, and explain that sex with someone you really do love is different from a one night stand. One night stands IMO are selfish and purely for your own pleasure. When its with someone you love, you want to please them as much if not more as you please yourself. You act differently, you show your love rather than just the sexual energy.

He also says that it ruined his last serious relationship. Ask him about how it ruined the relationship, find out everything about that (I know its nasty going through past relationships at times, but tough through it) That way, you can pinpoint what ruined it and you can assure him why it won't happen this time with you (The differences between the situations) as well as plan on how to prevent those things from happening. Maybe he's afraid the relationship will turn into just sex, instead of an enhancement to your current relationship.. just find out what the problem is and get to the root of it.

Also, I couldn't really tell, but has there been any other type of sex between both of you? If not, why not use one as a stepping stone and see how it goes?

Hope this helps, and good luck

[Rew]

Oh, Btw, What did you decide to do with your previous situation? (Weren't sure what to do about the 2 guys)
Just curious

[Chanel]

U're curious

Let just say, that the situation cleared up