SoOo ConfuSed -Please HeLp - Love Forum

DeE1284 · #1 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 07:53 AM

Hi everyone! Right now I'm very confused about the relationship I am in with my current boyfriend. We have been dating for about a year and 8 months now. He is 21 and I'am 19. Emotionally he is great, but physically he is not so. The thing is..is that I'am his first serious girlfriend. And he is my serious bf. The thing is, is that I will do anything to satisfy him. Oral sex, handjobs..whatever, yet he does not do anything to me. He says that he is not ready to have sex (he says abstaining is the safest way). Often times we will dry hump which feels good for me, but I think it often hurts him. He says he does it because I like it and he wants to make me happy. Other times I will try to put his hand down to my vaginal area so he can manually stimulate me but, he says he is uncomfortable- and moves his hand away. I really do not know what to do up to this point. I don't want to stop stimulating him because I enjoy pleasuring him..but its not fair to me. Idk how to talk to him about this without hurting his feelings/ or making him feel comfortable with my body. Will somebody please give me their imput on this matter. Thank you..
*DeE* ...

OpticalIllusion · #2 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 07:57 AM

He sounds like a selfish lover to me...

DeE1284 · #3 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 08:00 AM

well we've talked about it before and he has said that I can stop doing things to him because its not fair -but I dont want to. I would be like we weren't even a couple I just dont know how to make him comfortable with me

abercromqt20 · #4 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 08:44 AM

well if he says you can stop doing things to him then i guess he isn't selfish.... but i do agree with you, not having anything sexual between you 2 makes it seem like you are more like close friends than a couple. obviously you know what his position is on premarital sex and such, and he is totally entitled to that opinion. i give him credit for it. unfortunately that leaves you with a choice to make. you either have to respect him and not have really any sexual activity or you could break up and find someone more compatable with you in this area. it is not fair to try to convince him to do something against his will. you just have to figure out if he is like this because he's afraid or is it really his beliefs........ good luck with whatever you do!

DeE1284 · #5 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 08:56 AM

I love him and want to be with him. Is there anything I can say to him or do to make him feel more comfortable with me? I think hes just afraid that he will do something wrong and won't please me because he is so unexperienced. I want to bring this up to him again but I don't want to upset him.

abercromqt20 · #6 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 11:05 AM

well the only thing you can do is sit him down and have an honest conversation with him. if you are planning on having a sexual relationship with him, you should be able to do this. make him feel comfortable, and if he does ease up and actual try some stuff be totally supportive. let him know he is doing a good job and stuff! it will be a huge ego boost........ i'm not saying take it overboard and go on faking crazy porno multi orgasms. but you get my drift!

Steve2004 · #7 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abercromqt20

but you get my drift!

i dont..could you please explain it a little more

abercromqt20 · #8 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 02:14 PM

here we go again!!! ya know steve, i'm still unsure about whether you are really a guy or a girl! JK! .... haha

Steve2004 · #9 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abercromqt20

here we go again!!! ya know steve, i'm still unsure about whether you are really a guy or a girl! JK! .... haha

HAHAHAH...that wasn't funny

abercromqt20 · #10 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 02:32 PM

really?!? cuz i thought it was.

Steve2004 · #11 (**permalink**) 31-10-04, 02:58 PM

really?!1!1? LYK amagosh good for you!

kronos51 · #12 (**permalink**) 01-11-04, 01:44 AM

A sortof similar thing happened with my relationship (I'm the guy). My gf was much more experienced than me and wanted to carry our relationship farther after several months, but never said anything about it because she was afraid of offending my sensiblities or seeming like a hornball. In the end when she told me I was totally receptive to the idea, and the only reason I hadn't suggested anything was because I thought she felt the same. However, if he says he is uncomfortable stimulating you, but isnt uncomfortable receiving stimulation, the best guess I can come up with is that he is kindof halfway between ideals. Perhaps he still has some taboos engrained against sexual acts that he has partially rationalized but is trying to make himself feel better by not completely "falling" and doing more. Good luck with figuring things out!

KirstyM · #13 (**permalink**) 01-11-04, 05:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abercromqt20

well the only thing you can do is sit him down and have an honest conversation with him. if you are planning on having a sexual relationship with him, you should be able to do this. make him feel comfortable, and if he does ease up and actual try some stuff be totally supportive. let him know he is doing a good job and stuff! it will be a huge ego boost........ i'm not saying take it overboard and go on faking crazy porno multi orgasms. but you get my drift!

Yes you just have to talk to him. Tell him straight what you think and try get him to be equally honest about why he is uncomfortable. Take it slow, try respect his wishes, and see how things go.

DeE1284 · #14 (**permalink**) 01-11-04, 06:50 AM

thank you everyone for your help!