Marriage and affairs

[Frebbiezadyke]

my system of morals or beliefs is very simply i think that when a human or any other species is born on this earth they have some "natrual rights" (oh yeah i paid attention in social studdies class teehee) one of those is life and another is freedom...i dont mean the bullshit freedom like we have in america i mean the freedom to do whatever they want whenever they want weather it be killing everyone they know or being a god bonding person under two conditions
one-they understand that whatever they do other people have the right to pass judgment and they may have to pay in some way depending on there country etc etc on what they did
two-they accept it

therefor being the smart ass i was went ahead and played around with all these married men etc becouse however i never thought about what it was doing to the oppistie party
my ex cheeated on me pretty badly and i dont blame the girls he was messing with
and i certaintly dont blame me....
however i will never help a man or women commit adultry again (unless something happands in my futrue that proswades me) only becouse i know that im better then that and sooo are sooo many other people who do such things
my thery is that if ur relationship is somehow not satifying enough where u have to turn elsewhere for something more...then they should do something more then find an outlet to repres it on becouse all in all in the end that is simply just avoiding the situation

[DixiePixie]

I think people who have affairs generally go into it thinking they can keep it a secret and noone will find out about it.My Father had an affair on my Mother and I was never aware of it untill I grew up...However, that does not mean I was not affected by it.I can look back at the time period and say that is where it all began and that I was a child that was happy at home untill then.I may not of known just what exactly was going on, but that did not mean I didn't get a sense that things were totally messed up and because I didn't know exactly what was taking place it left me feeling very confused.Now, that I know I can not look at my Dad in the same light and I know he is not a bad person he just made a mistake but that he could never have imagined how it profoundly had a negative impact on my siblings and myself and you can just imagine what it did to my Mom.

[abercromqt20]

exactly. i was 15 when my mom started cheating on my dad, me and my sister picked up on it really quickly. now when we look back and and talk about it with my lil bro who was like 8, he says he didn't know exactly what was going on but he always knew there was something. i think most people do go into it thinking they aren't going to get caught, but then sooner or later they get lazy and start leaving behind all types of clues. i think if you are going to have an on going affair most of the time you are going to get caught up so you better be prepared for how its going to affect peoples out looks on you. like you i can never look at my mom the same way again. when you keep making a conscience desicion like that to me it doesn't just effect the husband and wife, but they are doing that to the whole family. after seeing what it does to the family i could never do that to my kids. like you, my siblings and i were so greatly impacted......so i don't even want to think about what it did to my dad.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Well, since no one want to admit to being involved in affairs, perhaps I will step up and receive all your insults for my mistake. Yes I was involved in a affair with a married woman. She was about 10 years older then I. We both were deeply attracted to each other. Ofcourse she was a co-worker of mine and affairs get lifted more at work then anywhere else. We kept talking to eachother, more and more until she wanted to see me after work in her car. So we did and she confessed to me about her desires with me and was emberrased to confess. Her confession included her marriage and 2 kids. Her marriage was a standard marriage. Then after her confession, I to confessed to her on how much I wanted her. And it took 2 confessions to began an exclusive affair.Hormones, feelings, and affection got involved in our minds and therefore, this affair has made us learn things about insecurity and honesty. I know that when I get married, this event might come to past, until it does, I'll remember and "try" to accept it. I'll just have video cameras around my room and living room just in case, lol. This affair is about 2 years old and to present time, we are speaking mutually. I guess what we had will stay secretly in our lives. She knows and I know that we both were doing wrong.

-"God, please forgive me".

[snooty]

FWIW-

I've been cheated on.... words cannot describe the feeling of betrayal and deceit. The person I felt was my soulmate, shared my bed, shared morning coffee, a goodbye kiss when we left for work, received my understanding and patience and support when she was down.... the person I loved and "loved me" .... was soaking up the best of me, yet giving it to him.

If you want to deliver the worst imaginable gesture of horrifying emotion to the one you pretend to love, just cheat. You will get caught, and your guilt (however strong it may affect you) will be a metaphorical teaspoon in the ocean of hurt that you have caused.

[cbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by snooty

If you want to deliver the worst imaginable gesture of horrifying emotion to the one you pretend to love, just cheat. You will get caught, and your guilt (however strong it may affect you) will be a metaphorical teaspoon in the ocean of hurt that you have caused.

Wow, such a good way to put it. I've been cheated on and the above is precisely why I could never do it to anyone else

[jane]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nice Lover Boy

Well, since no one want to admit to being involved in affairs, perhaps I will step up and receive all your insults for my mistake. Yes I was involved in a affair with a married woman.
-"God, please forgive me".

You werent the only one... I was ripped apart too for having an affair.. we know its bad .. ya know? lol

[Steve2004]

i wouldn't call it getting ripped up. i would say it was being politely reminded that it's bad

[jane]

You know whats interesting about this thread...

I thought you did rip me up... infact I really thought you had a comment about the whole thing.. but actually... you didnt comment on me at all? Wow.. thats strange I could have sworn there was a comment from you.
Wierd...

[misombra]

i think it's all about treating the other person the way you want to be treated. married or not married. i would feel so hurt if my boyfriend were to give his time or his affection to another woman, as he would be hurt if i gave these things to another man. i agree with nomas, just because you decide you want to be with someone does not mean that you can control what they do or even try to control them. if you want to be with someone forever, that person is going to make mistakes and both people will have to deal with them. it's all about what you're willing to tolerate. some people are able to forgive cheaters and some are not. i'm one of the latter. i've been cheated on and it was the demise of our relationship. i don't even know if they actually had sex but he kissed her and gave her time and attention, those things are included in my definition of cheating. i tried to forgive and forget and it didn't work. i've never cheated on a boyfriend (although i'm a big flirt) and i figure if i don't want him to do it, i don't want him to do it to me. flirting is a whole other thing to me. i don't do in front of my boyfriend and he doesn't do it in front of me.

but let's face it, shit happens. people cheat, there's no safe bet. hilary clinton could handle it, but i can't.

as for people messing around with married people, i blame the married person. they're the ones being unfaithful. the other parties are naive. i don't mean to offend you blue, i'm sure you're a bright person, but the cheater can lead a person to think that their relationship could possibly go further, you know?

[Steve2004]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jane

You know whats interesting about this thread...

I thought you did rip me up... infact I really thought you had a comment about the whole thing.. but actually... you didnt comment on me at all? Wow.. thats strange I could have sworn there was a comment from you.
Wierd...

...would that be directed toward me?

[Nice Lover Boy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jane

You werent the only one... I was ripped apart too for having an affair.. we know its bad .. ya know? lol

You know what's so funny Jane? After all these years, I don't really feel guilty about it. Eventhough people tell me how cruel it is, I just don't feel like such a thing. I guess because I'm young and full of independent sex appeal. Perhaps this guilt will take place when I get married and start my own family.

[jane]

NLB.. I feel bad... I do. I think its becuase I want to be married myself and to have someone love me enough to marry me..ya know? Sad isnt it? lol. I didnt feel guilty when it happened.. when it happened.. I was anything but guilty .. but I know what I did was wrong. It just sucks now because I am totally in love with someone who can never be mine.

[Rach]

Just reading through this post, and seeing everyone's negative responses towards Jane when she said she 'fooled around' before with a married man and now has feelings for him...I don't know why I felt the need to post and say I am indeed in the same type situation as she finds herself in. And, as bad as some of you might think it is, I too have 'fooled around' with a married man, and now have very strong feelings for him. It kind of hurts to know he'll probably never be mine, as jane said, but that was a chance I took. But none the less, I feel terrible about doing it, but it's not something you can take back.
Anyway....it's something that no one should ever judge another person for doing, especially until they know the whole story and all the circumstances. It's not something I can justify people doing by any means, but it does happen. People develop feelings for a married person and married people develop feelings for someone else.....unfortunately sometimes we just can't help our feelings

[HastaSiempre]

in certain situations, you can do things to curb your feelings. my father recently left me and my mom because he had an affair, and affairs can most definitely **** up peoples' lives a whole lot.