Partner was escort

[jimbo_1974]

Hi,

First post here, so hi to all.

My "sex" problem is that Im living with a girl who used to work as an escort. I knew it, because that's how we met. I was also aware that she did adult modelling and was an exhibitionist. Because of all this she has had quite a few partners in her time. I accepted all this, although I suppose deep down I wasn't very happy about it - but I knew what I was taking on and you can't help who you fall for can you ? I forgot to say that she's given up the escorting now, in fact she did about a month after we met.

Anyway, I found out last week that during that first month she did a gangbang / bukakke event. She told me she was going to do a party thing, and that she couldnt get out of it but promised she wouldn't go the whole way. I found out because there are pictures on the internet and I cant get the images out of my head. She told me she didnt tell me the truth because she didnt want to hurt me, and that we were a month in and she didnt know where we were going. I do accept that, and to a certain extent I forgive her for doing it.

We are now trying to get as much of it removed from the websites as possible because knowing it's there is killing me.

My problem : I accept that she didnt tell me the truth to accept me, but I struggle to accept why she did it in the first place. I also struggle with the fact that it's always me pushing her to try and get the pictures taken off. Her apathy over the whole thing is nagging at me. She has told me she wants to move on, and remove the pictures - but seems not to want to make a real effort and sort it.

I suppose trust between us has been a bit wrecked. Is it possible to get it back ? The making love between us has been as good as ever, but I cant bring myself to **** her if you know what i mean.

Just wanted to vent my feelings to be honest.
Ta
Jim

[sfalexi]

Here's my take on what you've written . . .

Quote:

My "sex" problem is that Im living with a girl who used to work as an escort. I knew it, because that's how we met. I was also aware that she did adult modelling and was an exhibitionist. Because of all this she has had quite a few partners in her time. I accepted all this, although I suppose deep down I wasn't very happy about it - but I knew what I was taking on and you can't help who you fall for can you ? I forgot to say that she's given up the escorting now, in fact she did about a month after we met.

Allright. No real problems presented yet.

Quote:

Anyway, I found out last week that during that first month she did a gangbang / bukakke event. She told me she was going to do a party thing, and that she couldnt get out of it but promised she wouldn't go the whole way. I found out because there are pictures on the internet and I cant get the images out of my head. She told me she didnt tell me the truth because she didnt want to hurt me, and that we were a month in and she didnt know where we were going. I do accept that, and to a certain extent I forgive her for doing it.

You say you've forgiven her, but it sounds like you haven't. It sounds like she's telling the truth. It was early in the relationship, she had already planned it, she didn't know what was going on, but at the same time didn't want to hurt you. If you've forgiven her, you have to let it go as it's in the past.

Quote:

My problem : I accept that she didnt tell me the truth to accept me, but I struggle to accept why she did it in the first place.

It was her job. She was an escort. That's the crowd that escorts get thrown into. For her a gangbang is probably a lot more 'normal' than you would think it to be. That's why she did it in the first place, back then.

Quote:

I also struggle with the fact that it's always me pushing her to try and get the pictures taken off. Her apathy over the whole thing is nagging at me. She has told me she wants to move on, and remove the pictures - but seems not to want to make a real effort and sort it.

Once again she's an escort. She's been an adult model and an exhibitionist. To her, it's no big deal that the pictures are out there. To you it's a different story. She probably can't fully understand how you feel about them and probably never will because she's used to there being photos of her and probably has other photos that were on the internet. Just keep pushing and helping her along, but try to realize that she DID lead a very different lifestyle and so what might be a pressing issue for you may simply be a passing thought to her.

Quote:

I suppose trust between us has been a bit wrecked.

To be quite honest, from what I've heard, it doesn't sound like it has been wrecked. I don't know how long you've been together, but this seems to be the only incident that you're speaking of. And it was before you guys were even very serious. It sounds like she's making the effort to change for you (stopped being an escort, stopped all that, she IS trying to get it removed, however slowly and tediously, etc.) I don't think you should think about it as "trying to get it back" because it seems like for the most part, when you guys were serious and it DID look like it could be going somewhere, it was always there.

It may be hard to cope with, especially if it's not the type of girl you're used to being with, but it honestly looks to me like "so far, so good".

Rod Steele

PS - You gotta **** her. Every girl needs a good **** from her man every once in a while. If not for you, do it for her.

[Rach]

Well, if her being an escort and an adult model was something you knew when you met her, it's not something you can hold against her for doing now. She has closed that chapter in her life to be with you know, that shows alot right there. But her past will always be HER past, a part of her. You knew going into it what she had done, and for being an adult model, you had to know she had pictures. I can understand you may not want her body on display for everyone to look at now on the internet, but they do exist.

As for the trust issues, I don't think she ever really 'lied' to you while you were serious, and she has no reason not to turst you from what I can see. It sounds like a good relationship, she's trying to get her pictures removed to sasify you.

Seems to me the only problem is you don't want to **** your girl. Is that because her past is finally hitting you hard, and the reality of how many people she has been with and what she has done is setting in? If so, you accapeted her fully in the beginning, it's gonna be mighty hard on her, and you, now if you come back and tell her you don't or can't accept what she did in her past.

[HastaSiempre]

drop this bitch pronto.

[Illusional]

well hasta..that wouldn't be a problem but he does care for this girl.

my point is probably easier said than done. however first, pictures on the internet.. what can you really do it about? yup you can probably try to take it down from whichever site their are up on, however i'm guessing that she did sign a release when she had a contract or whatevers. even if she didn't it's really hard to tract down the owners of these website because the web is so large.

secondly, rather that focusing on the past, focus on the future. you can't ever change the fact that she did have a lot of partners and was involved in a sexual, pornografic lifestyle. get over it, and if you can't, then maybe you should find a new gf.

raverboy

[jimbo_1974]

Thanks all for the comments so far. I suppose the initial shock of finding out what she did in such a visual way kind of freaked me out. I think time will help us, it's been about 2 weeks since I saw the gangbang pics and I've been up and down. I don't want her to think Im some kind of schizo, and I know me bringing it up randomly is messing her head up.

As for "dropping the bitch pronto", well yes I have thought about it. Truthfully, I still am, but Im also aware that we are good together and if I focus on her now then thats all that matters i suppose.

My tiny pygmy brain keeps thinking about it though. We need some sort of closure because i dont want either of us to wake up in a few years time and for it to still be there.

Final question : I love this girl like crazy, but im thinking that if I had unconditional love none of this would matter. Am i right ?

P.S We did **** last night. Felt OK - Had a few thoughts running through my head but generally went great. I think we needed to have a good old dirty **** session.

[shenmue]

you're sure she has no diseases right?

[jimbo_1974]

Well, another concern of mine to be honest. I got chalamidia after i met her, got the okay for everything else but bottled out of the HIV test. Plus, it was before we'd been going out for three months.

I've been on at her to get that checked, but again her apathy is driving me crazy. I may well have to bite the bullet and get myself checked.

She insists everything was safe, she wouldnt put herself or me at risk but is she kidding herself ? Am i kidding myself ?

[BigTen#95]

thats dangerous bro, get checked asap

[blue]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbo_1974

Well, another concern of mine to be honest. I got chalamidia after i met her, got the okay for everything else but bottled out of the HIV test. Plus, it was before we'd been going out for three months.

I've been on at her to get that checked, but again her apathy is driving me crazy. I may well have to bite the bullet and get myself checked.

She insists everything was safe, she wouldnt put herself or me at risk but is she kidding herself ? Am i kidding myself ?

Well if you had it and were treated and she wasnt then i am pretty sure you both have it so go get treated both of you need to, this is if you are not using condoms but still just go!

Who are you kidding thats my ? c'mmon be responsible for yourself and if she is not responsible for herself then dont have sex with her till she gets checked, cuz thats just gross!

[sfalexi]

Quote:

P.S We did **** last night. Felt OK - Had a few thoughts running through my head but generally went great. I think we needed to have a good old dirty **** session.

There ya go, tiger.

[Illusional]

you never listen to a girl if they "tell" you they are clean. shiet, i could tell you i have a 12 inch dick too and you probably would believe it. bottom line, you can never trust people these days. everything only assumed that they are clean because they are too afraid to get checked up. you don't believe me, well you didn't wanna take the HIV test because...?? i'll let you fill in your own blank.

raverboy

[sfalexi]

I believe it Illusional.