Has anyone waited until marriage?

[Vanessa20]

I am a 20 year old virgin.
I thought is was pretty cool to wait until marriage to make love, but now I am beginning to question the choice I made.
My last boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't have intercourse.
Now I am dating again and wondering if I should go all the way when I meet a new guy.
I worry, too, that I will end up married to a guy who can't satisfy me, and maybe there is something to be said for "testing the merchandise" before such a big step.
Has anyone else gone through this?
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[Sparky]

I havn't personally gone through the problem myself, but i and my friends have had many thoughts on the 'waiting' question.

Why did you choose to wait in the first place? You say because you thought it would be 'cool'...to me that seems like completely the wrong reason, its not an image thing at all.
Unless you have real reasons (maybe religion?) for wanting to stay a virgin till mariage then why do it?

As for 'testing the merchandise' It has always been the predominant reason i chose [b:19e393431c]not[/b:19e393431c] to wait until marriage.

You really need to question your motives, if you still strongly feel that you do want to save it for your husband, then thats that. If you decide that, actually, its a bad idea, then make sure your with someone you really care about, and who really cares for you, before you get busy under the sheets

Hope this helped, I think i rambled a bit :?

[Illusional]

nah i think that waiting is a good thing. there are good and bad sides to this suject, but i would respect anyone that would wait till marriage. raverboy

[dazedandconfused]

i'm a guy, quite into my 20's, get the attention from the ladies. i'm a virgin as well. i'm saving myself for the right person - it will be quite a wedding gift! and i have no problem expressing my passion or testing my partner. you don't have to go all the way to get a glimpse of what your partner will be like in the actual physical relationship. but waiting sure will intensify sex and take it to a higher level when you've considered it to be so important as to save it so that you can enjoy it to the fullest with your one and only. believe me, your partner sure will be happy about it. and respect comes, allright! anyone who can say no to a temptation nowadays deserves respect. saying no to premarital sex for whatever reason is quite admirable - you have a strong will!

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I'm a 19 year old virgin but I'm not waiting for marriage. I feel that sex is something that is quite sacred and should be shared between two individuals with an undeniable loving connection. That's exactly what I'm doing, saving it for love. Right now I have a girlfriend that I'm totally in love with and I could see myself growing old with, this is only the second person in my life I've even considered sex with. Maybe that's an option for you. If you feel as though you're regretting your marriage decision, why not just wait until you fall in love?

[Sparky]

[quote:fda6971dc1="dazedandconfused"]but waiting sure will intensify sex and take it to a higher level when you've considered it to be so important as to save it so that you can enjoy it to the fullest with your one and only.[/quote:fda6971dc1]
Personally i think thats a silly thing to say, how would you know? (this isn't a flame, dont get me wrong, i respect your opinion and your choice) but unless you've been there, you cant say that it makes it better...

[dazedandconfused]

Sparky: true, i can't speak with my own authority. but i draw my conclusion based on several things:
numerous reports of it from friends who waited prove that this is true;
the fact that promiscuity (which is almost inevitable when a person doesn't know how to/can't restrain and control themself) ruined so many people's lives simply because sex became too casual. psychology states that we, humans, often use sex to either get the things we want or to feel we're in control when some other area of our life has gone completely out of hand. and couple and marriage therapists say that sex is only the main thing that keeps a couple together for the first three years. after that you have to have some solid base for your relationship other than sex. here i agree with Zekk on the point that sex is sacred and is designed for love for sure. i take it to the next level - i think it's designed for marriage. but, to get back to my second point, when you start having sex before marriage, the flaw is obvious - you start sex sooner and your "sex" motivation fades quicker. by the time you want to get married it's either because you're really in love or you just don't want to bother to find someone else when this person here "will work for me". and that goes into the next point, which is my best argument:
when you start making love/having sex early on, you shut out all other aspects of the relationship. we, humans, are such that we get stuck on the physical side. once we start, we can't stop. and we can't stop thinking about it. and we don't get to know each other's personalities as well as we could have. my point is: first really get to know the person, explore them emotionally, find out much about what a person they are; and then, when the time is right (for me personally that means marriage - you've really proven that you're up for the commitment), you get to explore the other, very gratifying aspect of the relationship. but you have to be able to make your soul primary - don't let Freud be right in saying that, well, "it's ALL about sex". cause it isn't. but it can easily become all about sex when you let your basic instincts override your humanity. that's when "you and me, baby [become] nothing but mammals".

[Vanessa20]

Wow!
You guys all put up some great advice!
Thank you.
I think my main motivation for waiting until marriage to begin with was because I have seen so many of my friends go through one relationship after another with no meaningful connection with the guys the choose to sleep with.
I wanted more than that for myself. That coupled with all the other things that go along with it, such as pregnancy, STD's, and losing the respect of your boyfriend.
I think I am going to wait for love first.
Those of you who mentioned that you are still virgins..Do you do other things with your boyfriend/girlfriend and just no intercourse, or do you completely stay away from temptation?

[Illusional]

i would think that teasing is half the fun. raverboy

[Sparky]

Well, dazed, you just
[img:a533d78fe4]http://www.boomspeed.com/sparkypics/owned.gif[/img:a533d78fe4]
me

I can't rely argue against a defense like that. I wouldn't want to either, they are all very good and [b:a533d78fe4]true[/b:a533d78fe4] reasons to wait until marriage.

But its not as if every couple who started having sex before they got married get a divorce or something. Im sure its a minority.

As for pregnancy/STD's, these can quite easily be avoided if your sensible about it and take responsibility for your actions
But loosing the respect of your boyfriend?! What do you mean?

[dazedandconfused]

vanessa, it sounds like you already make wise decisions about important things in life - unlike many other 20-year-old girls i know (if i'm right about your age). i think when you put so much meaning into this issue, it really will pay off when you don't back down on your principles and go through with it - the end result will be very rewarding. i know it will be for me =)

[dazedandconfused]

as far as the fooling around goes - well, i think you have to set your own boundaries. if you feel you can handle some interaction without completely losing your mind, you could experiment. it just takes enormous will power to stop when you're ready. when intercourse is just around the corner and you're an inch away from it, stopping can be very hard psychologically as well.[/img]

[Vanessa20]

Thanks, Dazed.
I think the biggest problem I have had with "fooling around" is that I am honest about the fact that I won't 'go all the way', but when things get hot, the guy tends to get mad and think I am a teaser.
So, is it okay to do everything BUT, as long as your up front about not wanting to go all the way?
Your right, though, it is hard on both parties not to give in.
Sparky, as far as losing the respect of your boyfriend, a couple of my friends felt that was the case when they had sex with their guys. They sort of adopted the feeling that "if you went all the way with me, you'll do it with anyone." which may not neccessarily be the truth.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Personally I don't fool around with anyone. I'm a weird guy though. I can't even hug someone if I don't feel SOMETHING for them. For me emotions are who I am. I'm a very emotional person and for me to even THINK of sharing anything of my physical self those emotions MUST be there. I've never fooled around with any girlfriend I've had because I've never felt love. I broke up with my girlfriend senior year because she made me kiss her and I wasn't attached to her emotionally yet. I stopped talking to a friend of 5 years of mine because she tried to give me head and she was just my friend. So for me marriage really isn't what I'm waiting for, but definately for love. I feel that if I'm able to share myself with fooling around I'll be able to have sex as well, I see no difference. Obviously sex is considered more of a major thing but honestly you're still sharing you're most vulnerable side, the sheer anatomy of it seems rather trivial when you look at the emotional side of what you're doing. I dunno, I hope this applies to you and helps in some way.

[Killerbabe]

wow seems like our forum is finally filling out there!

I totally agree with Zekk - you shouldnt experience the act of love until you are in love, and it'll all happen like in Cruel Intentions. lol it's the best...