I dont get it...why?

[Only-virgins]

Since you people are such "experts" on sex and love on here I would like to ask a question. Why do people get married? If I have sex with the girl...I know there is nothing else....Why not just go out with her and have sex with her un-till I get bored of her and then leave? ...less trouble in the long run and a much better investment. What I am saying is that I can not find a LOGICAL reason for this. I fell in love before but I am not stupid as some and I know that it fades with time...so why trap your-self with marriage?

[KirstyM]

If you're in love and want to spend the rest of your life with one person, why not show your commitment to each other through marriage? Plus, you know, the legal rights and benefits and recognisation you get so if youre gonna be together anyway might as well marry and make use of them...

[Only-virgins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KirstyM

If you're in love and want to spend the rest of your life with one person, why not show your commitment to each other through marriage? Plus, you know, the legal rights and benefits and recognisation you get so if youre gonna be together anyway might as well marry and make use of them...

The legal benefits you mention are interesting. They make marriage sound very scummy...your right though..and after you are done abusing the governments benefits of marriage you can just devorce.

[Cybog]

Um, what benefits are you talking about....? I was married for 2 years and never made any extra money, had any better insurance (it was actually higher) or did anything that I can remember that was any better after getting married than it was before.....?

Maybe whatever country you are in, but in the USA, I would sure like to know what you are talking about.

In response to your question "Virgins", most mature adults who are "dating" will eventually come to that realization as well if they are smart. I have been through hell and a handbasket when it comes to relationships, and right now - Dating and being together is fine and dandy with me.

The trick is finding a woman who shares that opinion as well. I have been dating my girl close to 3 years now, and the word "marriage" isn't something we entertain very often.

The reason why people get married so quickly is because they "think" they are with someone they want to spend the rest of their life with, when in actuality in this day and age that happens less than half the time.

People get married because they assume that it is the "right thing" to do in a relationship. Most of them reqret it later on.

I see your point though. In a perfect world, people would just be dating, having sex, doing the whole "relationship" thing for years before they actually did. But you and I both know that's not going to change anytime soon....

[KirstyM]

I dont really know what benefits I was referring to, to be honest, I suppose it's just stuff like pensions and the security of knowing that if you die your partner will be looked after.

[misombra]

i don't understand why people do it either. it's some kind of fantasy fairy tale thing, putting on your white dress and living happily ever after. my dad is a lawyer and the man has divorced half our city. to me marriage is a way to either a) trap a woman into servitude for the rest of her life or b) trap a man for pregnancy purposes. my boyfriend and i have talked about it and we never want to get married. we would rather take a nice vacation or throw a party before we sign papers saying that supposedly we'll be together until we die. we don't know what we're going to be like or want for the rest of our lives it is so silly to think that. i'm with cybog, i'm perfectly content hanging out without the pressures of, oh we have to do this forever. also i'm boycotting marriage because they won't let same sex couples do it. that is so ludicrous on so many levels. so yeah, ban ALL marriages. it's a crock of shit anyhoo.

[Fawn]

Canada's currently battling the same sex marriage law at the moment.
Bush has already said he doesn't believe in same sex marriage & he's pro-life. Talk about going back to the stone ages. Anyways, I'm getting off topic.

Marriage has different meanings to people. To some, its to be with that person forever legally and by law. These days its about a 50-50 chance for divorce within the first 5 yrs of marriage. Also, its not surprising to see people get married atleast twice in there life. Society has changed alot over the years. So has marriage.

I found this "bible version" of what marriage means and how it originates. I don't believe in the bible or god, but it may give a clue to why people originally married.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
marriage

was instituted in Paradise when man was in innocence (Gen. 2:18-24). Here we
have its original charter, which was confirmed by our Lord, as the basis on
which all regulations are to be framed (Matt. 19:4, 5). It is evident that
monogamy was the original law of marriage (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 6:16). This law
was violated in after times, when corrupt usages began to be introduced (Gen.
4:19; 6:2). We meet with the prevalence of polygamy and concubinage in the
patriarchal age (Gen. 16:1-4; 22:21-24; 28:8, 9; 29:23-30, etc.). Polygamy was
acknowledged in the Mosaic law and made the basis of legislation, and continued
to be practised all down through the period of Jewish histroy to the Captivity,
after which there is no instance of it on record. It seems to have been the
practice from the beginning for fathers to select wives for their sons (Gen.
24:3; 38:6). Sometimes also proposals were initiated by the father of the
maiden (Ex. 2:21). The brothers of the maiden were also sometimes consulted
(Gen. 24:51; 34:11), but her own consent was not required. The young man was
bound to give a price to the father of the maiden (31:15; 34:12; Ex. 22:16, 17;
1 Sam. 18:23, 25; Ruth 4:10; Hos. 3:2) On these patriarchal customs the Mosaic
law made no change. In the pre-Mosaic times, when the proposals were accepted
and the marriage price given, the bridegroom could come at once and take away
his bride to his own house (Gen. 24:63-67). But in general the marriage was
celebrated by a feast in the house of the bride's parents, to which all friends
were invited (29:22, 27); and on the day of the marriage the bride, concealed
under a thick veil, was conducted to her future husband's home. Our Lord
corrected many false notions then existing on the subject of marriage (Matt.
22:23-30), and placed it as a divine institution on the highest grounds. The
apostles state clearly and enforce the nuptial duties of husband and wife (Eph.
5:22-33; Col. 3:18, 19; 1 Pet. 3:1-7). Marriage is said to be "honourable" (Heb.
13:4), and the prohibition of it is noted as one of the marks of degenerate
times (1 Tim. 4:3). The marriage relation is used to represent the union
between God and his people (Isa. 54:5; Jer. 3:1-14; Hos. 2:9, 20). In the New
Testament the same figure is employed in representing the love of Christ to his
saints (Eph. 5:25-27). The Church of the redeemed is the "Bride, the Lamb's
wife" (Rev. 19:7-9).


Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[cbee]

Maybe I'm abnormal but I see it as a kind of contract between two people.

In the UK you get advantages on inheritance tax and capital gains tax to name but a two. It also provides security to a person if they decide to give up their job to look after any kids people have - in the UK you get a far better deal from the divorce courts than the child support agency.

There ain't no way I'm having kids with anyone without them signing on that dotted line.

Claire

[Laguna]

It's just another perk in the game...unless you sign a pre nup.

[Steve2004]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laguna

unless you sign a pre nup.

oof, nowadays NOT a good idea to do EVER.

[misombra]

i have such little faith in marriage that i'd ask for a prenuptual agreement to keep my bed and my couch, i know you sneaky men will just try to take it all you dirty bunch of tricksters...

jk.

[nomas]

I don't get it?

If we're hot..why do we wear clothes? Why don't we all walk around naked in the hot summer days?

There are rules in every society...unwritten rules sometimes. In my extreme example, chances are there will be a mother or father of a little one who will kick your ass if you decide to walk around naked in the park where they're trying to have a wholesome family day in the same park.

Marriage is sort of one of those unwritten things too...in most cultures still you are expected to eventually settle down with a nice wo/man and form a family and give your parents grandkids. It's not "do you want to get married?", it's "when are you gonna get married?".

Yeah, that mentality seems to be changing as we become more and more openly liberal as a society, but the influence is still too strong and, at least in my experience, most girls I know do still dream of eventually marrying some dude and having their whole dream wedding thing.

I try to use logic and go with the whole educated person's "this is nonesense" approach, but I see a movie featuring a beautiful wedding and I'd be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about having my own version of "American Wedding" (minus the Stiffler comedy).

I know that was learned behavior...you don't born with knowledge of such a wedding, but, hell, who we are is a function of both, your own personal nature and how our experiences have shaped us..in the end we all respond to the same stimulus in different ways anyway, right?

Still, my priority with a woman will be, if we're both happy with each other, the marriage thing is not as deep. If she's always dreamed of one, I'll really enjoy the experience. If I end up with a misombre-type-minded woman, it's all good! You know I like the traveling thing too!

Freds

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

i have such little faith in marriage that i'd ask for a prenuptual agreement to keep my bed and my couch, i know you sneaky men will just try to take it all you dirty bunch of tricksters...

jk.

(She's not kidding at all)

[misombra]

frisbee, you know me too well...

[bluesummer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins

I fell in love before but I am not stupid as some and I know that it fades with time...so why trap your-self with marriage?

Well, it depends, if you really are so bitter about the reality of relationships and have the attitude that it's all going down the craphole anyway, then maybe marriage isn't for you. But that's your choice, isn't it?

Now, I consider myself an intelligent person, who has been in a couple long-term relationships and am fully aware of the changes those relationships go through over time. I intend to marry my current bf. Reality is an ass-kicker, but if you are cool with that reality, and you still love that person and can adapt to their personlity over a decent length of time, why the hell not get married? I know plenty of people who have been happily married for many years, and they don't consider it a 'trap'. So I say, it comes down to each individual relationship, each individual person. There's no right or wrong answer here.