Ladies, what would you say if your man got you a box and inside was a toy? - Love Forum

blue toxin · #1 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 08:57 AM

My girlfriend and I are in kind of a dry spell now. Last week it was the first time her and I had any intimate moments shared in the past 5 months. Things have just been kind of dry lately, and I want to spice things up. My girlfriend is relatively mild towards sex, but once you get her going she can get rowed up quite a bit.

So I was thinking about getting her a vibrator. Something I can use on her, plus she can use solo on her own time. Her and I have never messed with toys before or even talked about them. The thing that sparked this idea was actually intercourse... her and I, although intercourse can be relatively fun, because of the fact that she's not on birth control and we just use condoms, it can make intercourse a fairly paranoia state, at least for me. I hate relying on just condoms, and don't want to ever again. So if I were to get her a toy, I'd just use that on her and we'd avoid intercourse all together, allowing us to have more fun with whatever we're doing and 0 risk. But I don't know how to approach her about it. I've thought of two things, though.

A: Get it, gift wrap it, and give it to her. Prior to handing it to her I'd explain that it is a bit of a gag gift, and if she doesn't like it, no hard feelings she can toss it out.

B: Talk to her about it first. Tell her I want to spice things up but I didn't want to offend her.

I've got mixed emotions about both options. As far as A goes, I'm tempted to do that because if my girlfriend is in the right mood, she may like that. My buddy did this, and he said his girlfriend just took it out and used it right there. I doubt my girl would, although if she's in a peppy mood and stress free, she may, but doubtful. She may be less likely to reject it, being I've already got the item in front of her and she hates rejecting gifts even if she hates them.

With B, she'll probably think more highly of the fact I'm trying to be respectful about it, but less likely to say yes and accept the toy since it's not in my hands and it's just simply a thought at that time. But if I explain to her that, although we don't like planning these things ahead, the fact that this vibrator would give the same sensation as intercourse but no risk would definitely be a bonus.

So, ladies (especially you mild ladies out there)... if your boyfriend were to buy you a vibrator, how would YOU like it to be presented to you? A gift? A talk before hand? Stumbling upon it in your underwear drawer? Looking for ideas...

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 09:10 AM

Frankly, I would be embarrassed if my husband gave me one, and I don't think I'd be up for using one WITH him (although in private is another matter). I think many women simply view "toys" as a substitute for a man, not as an enhancement.

Also, I would not be excited about giving up intercourse with a man and using a vibrator instead. Why don't you guys use an additional form of birth control instead?

blue toxin · #3 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

Frankly, I would be embarrassed if my husband gave me one, and I don't think I'd be up for using one WITH him (although in private is another matter). I think many women simply view "toys" as a substitute for a man, not as an enhancement.

Also, I would not be excited about giving up intercourse with a man and using a vibrator instead. Why don't you guys use an additional form of birth control instead?

Eh, couple reasons. She's having some light surgery done before long so she doesn't want to go on birth control until all of that is over with + the pill taking for the pain killing and whatnot is done with. So it's pretty much guaranteed for the next 2 months, she isn't getting on birth control.

So as of now, her and I are limited to just condoms. But we both hate relying on just them, so there's a problem. I know she just wants to have that feeling of intercourse, so if we can provide that in another way yet eliminate any risk - that's our goal.

But quite honestly, I think it'd be incredibly hot to use a toy on her. I don't know how she feels considering we've NEVER once talked about this. But to her, I think the fact of knowing that the risk is eliminated would be quite a turn on as well.

vashti · #4 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 09:25 AM

You know, there are other forms of birth control besides the pill. Have you considered a diaphram?

And yes, I am pretty sure that your fantasy is fairly common amongst men. I would talk to her about it before springing one on her.

blue toxin · #5 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

You know, there are other forms of birth control besides the pill. Have you considered a diaphram?

And yes, I am pretty sure that your fantasy is fairly common amongst men. I would talk to her about it before springing one on her.

Yeah, but the pill is something she wants to go on anyway because of irregular periods. It's just waiting until this surgery is over to pursue that.

But I don't know. I'll talk to her and see what she says.

blue toxin · #6 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 05:41 PM

New idea.

When her and I were out of state last summer we saw adult stores everywhere. We said we definitely have to visit one before we leave, since they're so rare in our home state. We ended up forgetting about it and never went to one. Well, I'm going to tell her I found one a few miles north of her brother's house and we'll go check it out.

"Hey hun, while we're here, go ahead and pick one out."

shai`anne · #7 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 08:43 PM

Talk to her about it before you go out and buy her one. If she doesn't like the idea and you just go out and buy her one it might put her in an uncomfortable position.

blue toxin · #8 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shai`anne

Talk to her about it before you go out and buy her one. If she doesn't like the idea and you just go out and buy her one it might put her in an uncomfortable position.

Well since she joked around about wanting to go to one of these stores when we were on vacation last summer, I'm going to persuade her to go to the only one I've found so far in our state. Then we'll see if I can talk her into picking something out at the store.

vashti · #9 (**permalink**) 24-06-06, 11:57 PM

That is definitely better than springing one on her.

Ellynn · #10 (**permalink**) 25-06-06, 02:45 AM

Yeah, talk to her about it! Some women are very uncomfy with a guy springing a toy on them. Shes gonna wonder what your agenda is. At least explain to her that you think it might be fun to bring toys into the bedroom together, and your reasonings why.

blue toxin · #11 (**permalink**) 25-06-06, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

That is definitely better than springing one on her.

Yeah. Now the more I think about it, the worse of an idea I think it was. But oh well, you live you learn... that's part of life.

Quick story:

Back before we turned 18, she told me she wanted to see a porno, just to see one. She said when we turn 18 we're going to go rent one to see what it's like, but never did. This store has more movies than I imagined. So maybe if she's getting in the mood she'll be interested in fulfilling a past goal that has never been accomplished, by getting a porno and seeing what it's like.

Ladies - Say you were in this position. You said a few times over the years you wanted to check out an adult store + see an adult movie, but never did. Then your boyfriend persuades you to go to one. First of all, would you be hesitant to go? Or would you be up for the new experience and go to check it out? Then while you're there, he suggests you pick out a little toy and a movie while you walk past the selection on the shelf. What would you think? Do you think you'd be up for the new experience? I have a feeling she'll be hesitant because, whenever we've done something new sexually from the very first time her and I kissed, she's been hesitant until she's gotten more comfortable with it. I think what I'll have to do is, if she feels uncomfortable, I'll just have to reassure her that it's just her and I and nobody else. I think she often just feels like everybody is watching her. Then if she at least tries these new experiences, but doesn't like them, then we'll just throw everything out and keep moving forward in our relationship just like we were.

I hate to sound like I'm planning this stuff out, but I'm just trying to refrain THAT much from offending her or sounding like my dick is leading the way... just looking for some more insight.

Ellynn · #12 (**permalink**) 25-06-06, 01:27 PM

Ok, the first few times I went into an adult store, I was kinda scared and paranoid. Mainly, because I thought I would run into someone I actually know, and also, because some of the guys behind the counter are kinda creepy.

It actually took me a few times before I actually bought something there. (I went with a few close friends each time.) It was a movie. Then after awhile, I was brave and bought a toy. Then after awhile, I was the one who dragged my bf (at the time) there to look at stuff.

My suggestion to you, (seeing as she has never been to an adult toy store), is to ask her if she would be interested in just going one day. So, take her there and then look at the movies. Don't push the toy issue yet. Let her get comfy with picking out a movie and then ask her if she wants to watch it together. Once shes comfy with going thru all that, then possibly in the future, ask her if she would be interested in picking out something there to spice things up or something just for fun. See what she says. Just don't put her on the spot(ask her when your at home or something). Some girls feel more comfy buying/getting that stuff on their own. Just casually mention it and see what she says. Don't push it if she feels weird about it.

blue toxin · #13 (**permalink**) 25-06-06, 01:46 PM

Yeah, I like your opinion but I think I may do things slightly different.

I figured I'd do just this... we'd casually walk around looking at everything. If she wants a movie, great I'll get her one. But when we walk past the toy section, I figured I'd stop and take a look at them, then say "What do you say we pick one out?" or something along those lines. The thing is, my girlfriend ever since I met her has ALWAYS been the one trying to get me to try new things and have fun. In fact for a while when we first started dating I'd get so annoyed at her saying that all the time. So if she is hesitant about a toy, I'll just say something like "Ever since I've known you you've always wanted me to try new things, and here I am saying it to you. Just try it once, if you don't like it, we'll throw it out and never deal with it again."

When I was at this adult store, there was nothing but 30 year old blondes running the place. I didn't see one male employee anywhere anytime that I was in there. Also, this place is in an area that I highly HIGHLY doubt she'll run into anybody, mostly because it's near the state border (even though it's only 20 minutes away).

Ellynn · #14 (**permalink**) 26-06-06, 02:10 AM

Hey whatever works. We just were giving our opinions. You know her better then we do.

Anyways, your lucky that there is usually a female working behind the counter. I've always seen males. Some quite older, and when I was purchasing something once, the guy made a comment. This kinda creeped me out.

blue toxin · #15 (**permalink**) 26-06-06, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

Hey whatever works. We just were giving our opinions. You know her better then we do.

Anyways, your lucky that there is usually a female working behind the counter. I've always seen males. Some quite older, and when I was purchasing something once, the guy made a comment. This kinda creeped me out.

I can't imagine working in a place like that and making a comment. I mean when people buy things like that the last thing they want is to hear a smartass comment from the store clerk. I ran into that once when I was buying a thong for my girlfriend, and witnessed an old man receiving an uncalled for comment from a wal mart employee when all he bought was a pack of condoms.

Whether it's a thong, vibrator, pack of cigarettes or a Metallica t-shirt, I'd treat everything the same. I wish everyone else did.