needs input & help - Love Forum

FL Fe Lost · #1 (**permalink**) 15-10-05, 12:16 PM

We'll I guess I'll just jump right in. I have been married for 5 yrs now and our sex life is lost. While dating and probably for the 1st 3 years of our marriage the Lust took over. But the lust has been lost and I am trying to get it back. any suggestion? Dont get me wrong we have sex but that is all it is it doesn't feel like we are making love. I am not even sure my husband know how to make love. OH MAN he does a GREAT job F _ _ _ing. But making love and having sex mean two different things to me. I feel men have learned how to preform sexully through Porn. But that is far far from making love. SO how can I teach my husband the soft side to making love without brusing his ego?

Ellynn · #2 (**permalink**) 15-10-05, 02:26 PM

Have you tried a romantic dinner for the two of you by candlelight? A getaway at a romantic place for the weekend....?

Try sexy lingerie?

Maybe he will get your drift....if not...then you need to talk to him about it. Its IMPORTANT to be able to communicate your feelings in a relationship. So let him know..that you miss the romance of it all.... That even though you enjoy having sex with him.....you want it to be special...and just to take time out and have one of those all day in bed sessions. Seriously....talk to him.

whaywardj · #3 (**permalink**) 15-10-05, 03:30 PM

If you want to avoid brusiing his ego, the burden of change falls, sadly, on you to seduce him, then manipulate him until he "gets" what it is you're after. It's a long and delicate road. Essentially, you educate him without teaching him. Use seduction to initiate the atmosphere and behavior you want. Then use manipulation to keep him there. When he ranges toward what you're after, respond and give. When he ranges toward what you don't want, cease responding and withold. Carrot and stick stuff. Eventually, you'll discover his comfort zone and learn how to play him masterfully; and he'll learn your needs by being played. Somewhere around here is where you'll be able to stop the educating and get on with the enjoying. He'll have got it. (Unless he's just an utter brute.)

If you don't mind brusing his ego a little, just have a straight-out conversation telling him how you feel he's taking you for granted. If he's worth his salt, he'll listen, absorb, and put out some effort himself to romance you so you don't have the carry the burden of change all by yourself.

Good luck.

Illusional · #4 (**permalink**) 15-10-05, 05:56 PM

tell him straight up, plain and simple. that sometimes you'd much rather hold him and enjoy his closeness than have sex. if he can do that, that he loves you deeply. if not, and he's always so into sex and what not, then maybe you should find someone else. simply, every man will try his very best to make you orgasm, however when a man truly cares for you, holding you close means a lot more.

raverboy

SumGuyinFL · #5 (**permalink**) 15-10-05, 10:29 PM

bruise his ego

???1111!!!

you are married - sounds like he needs to recheck his job as ur wife

tell him what a badass job he does at fvcking but just tell him how much it would mean to you if he could slow down and appear more mentally/emotionally involved with you. Attention, eye contact, whatever it is that would equate to making love to you. Mention it to him...say like every third time or something like that - or just mention it during sex. "take control" type of thing - tell him "slow down" or look at me or whatever... I think you get my point.

take a vacation so you two can relax and get back into the crazy lust that started off ur relationship. it doesnt need to be anything big - just enough to relieve the stresses of daily life. The point of this is just to get out of the ordianry/routine which will help change up all lot of aspects.

just an idea

whaywardj · #6 (**permalink**) 15-10-05, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illusional

...simply, every man will try his very best to make you orgasm, however when a man truly cares for you, holding you close means a lot more....

How true. It's a Conan the Conquerer thing which gets in the way emotional intimacy. Us guys tend to compensate for a lack of fluency in emotional expression by being over-bearing on the sexual side. Weirdly, we think one serves the needs of the other. Until someone comes along and adjusts our outlook.

giulia · #7 (**permalink**) 17-10-05, 03:25 PM

Maybe try being on top. That way YOU control it, and you can keep it gentle and slow. Keep trying that and he will get the hint. If he asks why.etc say you like it better like that. If you ask a man to cuddle and hold you, they will do so. If a man loves you, he will do so and mean it. Don't be shy to ask for what you need, he is your husband and you should be able to work through it.

#8 (**permalink**) 17-10-05, 03:49 PM

He's not meeting your emotional needs. This is the problem. It won't get better, and will probably get worse unless you DO SOMETHING.

1. Easy solution. Get him a copy of "How to date your wife". Helped me a lot. If he forgets, put it back out someplace prominent.

2. Go get some counselling. Seriously, this stuff works if you can find a good one and are both willing to put in the effort.

DON'T let it build to the point of resentment, or where you stop communicating about it. It could cost you your marriage.

erase_ · #9 (**permalink**) 25-10-05, 06:54 AM

Start off slow. Start f*king his brains out, then when he gets tired tell him "go slow honey," and kiss him with romance...then YOU initiate the f*king his brains out again...go slow...tell him to come when you're at the slow phaze...

After awhile, you can just tell him you want romantic sex

updraft · #10 (**permalink**) 25-10-05, 11:36 AM

My guy is the same way.....I have expressed to him he is not as affectionate and feeling as I'd like him to be. Other than telling him straight out what is bothering you I dont know what the solution is.

Rosebud · #11 (**permalink**) 26-10-05, 08:49 AM

OK so I thought of this brilliant idea to spice up my sex life as well. Have you heard of those sex games they have at like Lover's lane and places like that? Well pick one of them up that has to do with foreplay. You guys will get into it(if you can handle playing a game), it's fun you have to do sensual things to each other. This may help a little bit to at least start something and then you can take it from there ya know??

Or you could always do the sensual thing with candlelight and stuff liek that and then when things start getting heated just tell him to slow down a little and then just kinda take over ya know. Like tease him yourself and let him experience the sensual side and tell him that's what you like as well.. Just some ideas!!!