My men wants me with another women - Page 2 - Love Forum

BlackRose · #16 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 05:09 AM

This is the kind of thing that really makes me sad. You should NEVER do anything that makes you uncomfortable. End of story. If someone is trying to MAKE you do something sexual that you do not want to do, technically it is a kind of rape. That is sick. My suggestion is that you try to get comfortable with the situation if the idea seems good to you. If you get comfortable enough to have sex with another woman, go for it. If not, DON'T. End of story.

carpflounder · #17 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 05:28 AM

Its ok, and I apologize to you for being curt with you.
Look Miss, I dont know everything about your living/cultural circumstances and I'm sure that you feel under a great deal of pressure to stay with this guy. I'm sure there is nothing I can say that will suade you into leaving him. It is my hope that you do leave this guy someday, so that you dont grow old taking this abuse.

About the whole threesome thing..if you want to please him...heres my take.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrenchMaid

Sometime he get very upset because I told him 3 years ago that we would do this with a women and it never happen

If you tell someone you are going to do something, then do it. Its not like you didn't say you would. Lying angers most people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrenchMaid

But he want me to do this with some women that I don't get along with or that im not attracted to them physically and mentally and he want to stay friend with them. He said to me that it should not matter because this is for him not for me..

He is being selfish; it is up to you who you sleep with. Try approaching him with some friends of yours that you are attracted to and see how he feels about them.

Late_vamp · #18 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

It's okay, we understand now. We were all new at once too, no harm done.

But listen, there is no justification for a man to put his hands on a woman, period. I don't care if you've been together 30 years and have 7 kids together, no one deserves to be treated like that.

yes there is , if its life threatening . No seriously , if he's doing this , what you SHOULD have done , was to stop it before he became used to it . Now i think it's a little bit too late for him , because usually if you try to change something like this , they get even MORE angry ... usually .

FrenchMaid · #19 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackRose

This is the kind of thing that really makes me sad. You should NEVER do anything that makes you uncomfortable. End of story. If someone is trying to MAKE you do something sexual that you do not want to do, technically it is a kind of rape. That is sick. My suggestion is that you try to get comfortable with the situation if the idea seems good to you. If you get comfortable enough to have sex with another woman, go for it. If not, DON'T. End of story.

Hi!!!
I told him many time that I don't feel comfortable with this, and his answer were that him too when we did it with the male, but then I said to him that he's the one who wanted this bad, not me, I did not ask for it or nag him about it. Some of my friend think that he's actually has a problem because all he thinks is sexual...The problem with the other women is that I'm insecure and I keep wonder if we do this does he will like that women more then me, will she be better then me and the reason why I think like that is that he expect me to do this with him and an other women but never gave me a nice feeling that he's attracted by me, ne never gave me any compliment about my look and my body, but he does it all the time with other women and it kind of put me down.. I want to do it... because I want him to stop nagging me everyday how I don't keep my promess, and how I don't respect him because I won't do it, or how I took advantage of him to do it with a male but now that i have my fun I don't want to gave him a women..
its to a point that he come to see me to work for lunch and all he does is nagging me about and then i go back to work, i am all upset and can't do my job or end up to work crying...i am too stress out with this situation...but I also want to do this with someone that won't screw me over and destroy my family I actually think that this is one of the biggest problem in our relationship and it really bug him that he did not get it...

FrenchMaid · #20 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carpflounder

Its ok, and I apologize to you for being curt with you.
Look Miss, I dont know everything about your living/cultural circumstances and I'm sure that you feel under a great deal of pressure to stay with this guy. I'm sure there is nothing I can say that will suade you into leaving him. It is my hope that you do leave this guy someday, so that you dont grow old taking this abuse.

About the whole threesome thing..if you want to please him...heres my take.

If you tell someone you are going to do something, then do it. Its not like you didn't say you would. Lying angers most people.

He is being selfish; it is up to you who you sleep with. Try approaching him with some friends of yours that you are attracted to and see how he feels about them.

Thanks! that makes me feel better because I actually fealt quite like an idiot i did not come to this site to piss people off, im actually not like that..
Yes I am in a great deal of pressure and stress...not just because he want to be with an other women but he also nag me about what happend with the other guy asking me questions for the pass 3 years about it.. even when we have sex he ask me to talk to him dirty about what we did.. and it completely turn me off.. because to me it a big mistake that I did and I try to deal with this.. but he always bring this back... he told me that it turn him on to heard it.. a few time I told him but then he goes.. really no I know that you did more then that.. and I get angry and tell him to stop...but then a few days after he goes again with those dam questions...

PHP Code:

   Yes I know that if I told him that I would do it, I should and I want to to make him happy but I am very sceard that he get attach to the person who will be with us, but I guess I cant control that.. its all in his power

PHP Code:

   Yes that a good idea to approach him with my friend...but the problem is that he actually want after to keep a good relationship with them so that he can have again and  that bring fear to me.. I told him that I rather do it with a compleete starnger and use protection I would feel more secure that way, but that not good enough for him.. he told me that when we were with the male we keep him as a friend and then I told him that, this was his idea to do this not me, and I also told him that see what happen when people do that sometime it backfire in your face that why I would rather do it that way...

what do you think.. is this too much to ask

FrenchMaid · #21 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Late_vamp

yes there is , if its life threatening . No seriously , if he's doing this , what you SHOULD have done , was to stop it before he became used to it . Now i think it's a little bit too late for him , because usually if you try to change something like this , they get even MORE angry ... usually .

Hi I'm not too sure what you mean by that.. sorry can you explain more!

lovestruck · #22 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackRose

This is the kind of thing that really makes me sad. You should NEVER do anything that makes you uncomfortable. End of story. If someone is trying to MAKE you do something sexual that you do not want to do, technically it is a kind of rape. That is sick. My suggestion is that you try to get comfortable with the situation if the idea seems good to you. If you get comfortable enough to have sex with another woman, go for it. If not, DON'T. End of story.

PERFECTLY said blackrose.

Late_vamp · #23 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrenchMaid

Hi I'm not too sure what you mean by that.. sorry can you explain more!

i was referring to the post above from mine , something about a man should NEVER hit a woman . I agree , but if im about to get stabbed/shot i would prefer hitting her because she might have killed me . Basically , self-defense.

carpflounder · #24 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 03:30 AM

I have some more suggestions but first.
Why are you in a abusive relationship? Let me know..then we can continue.

FrenchMaid · #25 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carpflounder

I have some more suggestions but first.
Why are you in a abusive relationship? Let me know..then we can continue.

Most of the time when is like that its because we argue about some women that he want to bring to bed or about those questions related to that fling i had 4 years ago actually this July... other then that we have similar interest where we can laught.. but I also remember time when we laugh and have fun, I have been with him for 14 yrs its a long time, and I don't fell really to restart my life with someone new.
Sometime I ask my self why, why I stay there...because the thing he said or put me true is not very nice sometime...but then when I think about what I did to him, I wish that I could go back in time..but I can't so then sometime I said to myself... WELL IF YOU WOULD OF DONE THAT HE WOLD NOT TREATED YOU THAT WAY...

carpflounder · #26 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 04:35 AM

No, I dont think its too much to ask.
Dont budge on this unless he agrees that you will only do this with someone your comfortable with.
Stop calling him "god".
Since you wont leave him, at least seek counseling with him. You and him both need professional help. I'm saying that in a warm and sincere tone.

FrenchMaid · #27 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 04:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carpflounder

No, I dont think its too much to ask.
Dont budge on this unless he agrees that you will only do this with someone your comfortable with.
Stop calling him "god".
Since you wont leave him, at least seek counseling with him. You and him both need professional help. I'm saying that in a warm and sincere tone.

lol.. did I call him "god".. no no is not...
I have been for counselling and ask him to come with me.. he refuse.. so I went by my self so I can try to at least do some change on me.. He got piss off and was asking me what we were talking about..and was percistent to know.. so one day he came with me..when he left my counsellor told me her impression of him that she realise that all he was doing was try to make himself look good and pointed the finger at me all the time, never admitt that he does stuff wrong too...that was the first time he came with me..
Then I got tired of him asking me all the time what we were talking about..so I stop going.. but I'm thinking about going back again, I think I need it...

FrenchMaid · #28 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 04:54 AM

Its almost 4h00 here in Winnipeg, have to leave and go home...but will talk to you on Tuesday if its ok..
Nice to talk to some people that don't judge you and gave you their true honest opinion...
take care

Ellynn · #29 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackRose

This is the kind of thing that really makes me sad. You should NEVER do anything that makes you uncomfortable. End of story. If someone is trying to MAKE you do something sexual that you do not want to do, technically it is a kind of rape. That is sick. My suggestion is that you try to get comfortable with the situation if the idea seems good to you. If you get comfortable enough to have sex with another woman, go for it. If not, DON'T. End of story.

Exactly my thoughts.

Also....I know you have been with him a long time.....and you can remember the good times and all....but you sound to me like you are VERY unhappy. Is it really worth it? Having him beg you to have another woman in your bed? This would be an insult to me. I mean yeah you have done the whole other guy thing......but honestly....if it makes you uncomfy....why bother? To please him? To make him happy? You think hes gonna love you more? No sorry you are his doormat. He knows he can get you to do what he wants...cuz he knows (for some crazy reason) you love him.

But I dont think he loves you.... If he did he wouldn't be forcing you into these situations when HE KNOWS how uncomfortable you are. Im sorry.....even if you have been together 20 yrs......or 2 yrs.....my same response to you would be to get out. Its unhealthy.....and yeah it sucks to start over....but do you really want to be unhappy and TRAPPED the rest of your life?

BlackRose · #30 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrenchMaid

Hi!!!
I told him many time that I don't feel comfortable with this, and his answer were that him too when we did it with the male, but then I said to him that he's the one who wanted this bad, not me, I did not ask for it or nag him about it. Some of my friend think that he's actually has a problem because all he thinks is sexual...The problem with the other women is that I'm insecure and I keep wonder if we do this does he will like that women more then me, will she be better then me and the reason why I think like that is that he expect me to do this with him and an other women but never gave me a nice feeling that he's attracted by me, ne never gave me any compliment about my look and my body, but he does it all the time with other women and it kind of put me down.. I want to do it... because I want him to stop nagging me everyday how I don't keep my promess, and how I don't respect him because I won't do it, or how I took advantage of him to do it with a male but now that i have my fun I don't want to gave him a women..
its to a point that he come to see me to work for lunch and all he does is nagging me about and then i go back to work, i am all upset and can't do my job or end up to work crying...i am too stress out with this situation...but I also want to do this with someone that won't screw me over and destroy my family I actually think that this is one of the biggest problem in our relationship and it really bug him that he did not get it...

This guys sounds really selfish and manipulative. You should really just tell him no and if he was so uncomfortable with bringing other men into the mix, he should have told you. Don't let him trick you into doing this by making you feel guilty. Once you give in, you are losing a lot more then self respect and that is not what relationships are about.