My girl likes other women.... - Love Forum

Esvees · #1 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 01:32 PM

Hello,

I am a man, and I would very much like to hear opinions from both men and women on the situation I am currently in with my girlfriend.

I met her almost a year ago and we hit it off straight away. Right from the beginning she told me she thinks she's bisexual, very liberal and a little bit crazy and I feel throughout the time we have been together, we have both been able to talk honestly about our desires and feelings. We have had to be apart for months at a time over the past year, but we both trust each other and I don't think either of us would ever lie to each other. A lot of men go after her when they first meet her as she is very smart, charming, pretty and sexy, but she has told me plenty of times I'm one of the only men she is actually physically attracted to. We have a good relationship and a great sex life, we both really enjoy it. However, I knew she always harbored the desire to have sex with a woman.

Finally, she brought a girl over last night. She respects me enough to not do something behind my back and I had not tried to stop her as I understand this is a desire she has and I don't want her to feel she has to lie to me. In my mind, I thought I wouldn't mind, but when they were in the room next to me, I started feeling ill. After she finished she came over to hold me and told me what had happened and I felt an almost violent physical reaction. For a couple of minutes she held me tightly while I felt like throwing up. I know she loves me a lot from how good she is to me and that this was kind of something she really needed to do. She also said she wouldn't mind at all if I took part. But somehow...strange as it may sound from a guy, I am not interested in anyone but her. It doesn't turn me on at all as you would imagine from the way guys normally seem to react to lesbians.

I also know she didn't want to just satisfy her curiosity, she will probably have the urge to sleep with other women again. Right now, I'm just not sure on how to deal with it. I truly love her because apart from this, this is the best relationship I've ever had.
Should I get angry....should I try to get used to it and take part too... Basically, I'm wondering if many other women have these kinds of desires and how you deal with them? Do other men feel the same way I do?

Frasbee · #2 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 01:35 PM

Don't hide the feelings dude.

That's a recipe for disaster.

Let her know how you feel.

If it's something she feels she can't give up, then drop 'er and move on.

Easier said than done I know.

calmsavagebeast · #3 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 01:39 PM

hey man, if she likes chicks, she likes chicks. YOU can not control that. If she loves you, and you love her, you may have to accept that. Who knows, maybe she'll invite you into another one of her relationships and you can get lucky. really lucky. My partner has had sex with other women, yes, it does bother me, and yes, i still think its hot, but i talked to them both. Women know how to please each other, or at least they did, and they experimented. They are still great friends, and they are both straight. So that's how my situation worked out, Good Luck.

Apache · #4 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 08:57 PM

It's the intimacy she is sharing with this other woman that is bothering you. I give you alot of credit, as I think most guys feeling as you do would have exploded. I know i would have.

My woman has expressed her interest in being with another woman. At first I told her it would bother me, as she wanted to explore this on her own. Then she told me that she wanted me to be a part of this desire. So now I wonder if she is being honest with me, telling me that she no longer has this desire.
I've re-thought about everything and told her that if she wanted to explore this she should, but I'd prefer to be involved.

Maybe you'd feel better about things if you were in the room with her while she was doing this. Hold her hand, hold her, and yes...maybe even become a part of it. It takes a lot of trust to allow a third person into a relationship. And it sounds like you have that trust, just the other bad thoughts.

Tell her how you are feeling. It sounds as though she cares about you and I'm sure she will understand, maybe even help you get over what you are feeling.

shh! · #5 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

Don't hide the feelings dude.

That's a recipe for disaster.

Let her know how you feel.

If it's something she feels she can't give up, then drop 'er and move on.

Easier said than done I know.

I agree with thisa post. And I just want to say that if you watch/participate, you will never be able to get that visual out of your head, so I would advise against it.

TAVS · #6 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 10:24 PM

I don't care what your excuse is, cheating is cheating..

Tone · #7 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esvees

Right from the beginning she told me she thinks she's bisexual

I don't think you really have that much of a right to be angry here. She has been completely honest from you from the beginning, you choose to be in and continue a relationship with a bisexual woman, so backing out now and throwing a fit would seem a little unfair, in my eyes. It would be different if this was never mentioned and you JUST found out about it.

Yes, I know it's hard to deal with, I understand your feelings, as I can say if I was in your shoes I'd probably be thinking the same things and have a similair reaction. But she does sound like a good girl, very honest, and seems to care for you a lot.

I think it sounds a bit exciting (and I'm someone who is NOT turned on by lesbians) and I wonder how I would react to this situation. I'm not sure if I'd be open to try it, or if I'd be upset like you were.

Anyways, keep us updated... let us know how things go. If you honestly can't get over it, then like Fras said, you have to tell her. If she's not willing to give up that "lifestyle" then it's best you both stop wasting time and go your seperate ways. =/

bluesummer · #8 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 02:39 PM

First of all being bisexual doesn't give someone a license to have sex with more than one person. Sure, she's attracted to girls, but she CHOSE to have a relationship with you. Why can't she control her attraction and remain monogamous? Really, I don't think it's her sexuality that's bothering you, it's her intimacy with a person other than you PERIOD (like a few others have mentioned) that's really disturbing you. Obviously, deep down it hurts you that she would choose not to remain loyal to you alone.

If you had gone into this with an understanding from day one that she wanted to have sexual relationships outside of yours, then it would be a different story. But this doesn't sound like the case to me. Just search your heart and be honest with yourself about how comfortable you really are in this situation. If it truly bothers you, it's better to move on....it's not fair to put yourself through constant torment for the sake of one girl, no matter how much you love her.

Best of luck

Ellynn · #9 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluesummer

First of all being bisexual doesn't give someone a license to have sex with more than one person. Sure, she's attracted to girls, but she CHOSE to have a relationship with you. Why can't she control her attraction and remain monogamous?

Amen! Yeah the real issue is that shes out there w/women as well as you.
Gosh the competition w/ dating someone bi must suck. You have to worry about other men AND women.

Apache · #10 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

I agree with thisa post. And I just want to say that if you watch/participate, you will never be able to get that visual out of your head, so I would advise against it.

I see you're point of view as well....and this would be all well and good had nothing happened yet. But it has, and the visual he has in his mind might be far more hurtful than him actually participating and seeing for himself.

And as far as being honest with her goes...that might work too. But it would take the same level of trust, if she tells him she will not pursue this any longer, as it would if he allowed her to continue. The fact that he has these bad feelings tells me that he doesn't trust her, even though he really wants want to.

In that case walking away is the only choice here. But can he do this?

misombra · #11 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 11:47 PM

do you guys think it would be different if my boyfriend told me from the beginning that he may be bisexual and then one day he brought over some guy and went into another room and had sex with him?

Ellynn · #12 (**permalink**) 04-09-05, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

do you guys think it would be different if my boyfriend told me from the beginning that he may be bisexual and then one day he brought over some guy and went into another room and had sex with him?

No it wouldn't be...... its still wrong........

Wow that kinda is....what broke up my friends marriage I found out...... Yikes!

Apache · #13 (**permalink**) 04-09-05, 03:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

do you guys think it would be different if my boyfriend told me from the beginning that he may be bisexual and then one day he brought over some guy and went into another room and had sex with him?

I agree with Ellynn. Its the same thing..its somebody else and wrong.

Now if its for both of you, and you can agree to do this together thats different, even if the agreement is to only watch.

But thats such a nasty thought...two guys yuch.
And maybe thats what you are saying here? Two girls...yuch.

It doesn't mean I am a homophobic, or you are a Lesbophobic (is that a word...lol) It simply means yuch!!!

lilwing89 · #14 (**permalink**) 04-09-05, 08:38 AM

dont hide your feelings wahtever you do

jb5k1 · #15 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 10:31 AM

I think he's having these feelings because of the thought of what's going on. So far, to his knowledge, since the begining of the relationship he's had her all to himself to kiss and all that. To me (yea I'm young but who cares) kissing is very passionate, and if my girlfriend had sex with another girl, I think the kissing and being intimate in those ways would bother me more than the more hardcore acts.

If he saw how they were doing this, maybe he'd be more comfortable. If I saw my girl kissing her any differently than she kisses me I know I'd be like 20 times more comfortable.