sexual tension or all in my head??Please, help!

[bretema]

well, here it goes--I have been trying not to think about this but it needs to come out--I'm not sure whether this is going to end with some clear question or just be all random thoughts; either way, I would appreciate some comments.

Ok-I've been friends with this guy for about a year--we get together for coffee and chat for hours; he's called me at night and we've been on the phone for over three hours--our conversations have gotten kind of intimate at times: he has told me about his relationships and what kind of a man he is, his disappointments--I've told him about my life (I am married! -- and I think I'm happily so, expect for those rough moments . . .)

Here is where it gets confusing. He has told me many times he would never cheat on anybody and that he is against cheating--(and I'm not into that either)--if *something* were to happen, he would lose all respect for me, which would make me lose a friend--I have never given him any hints of wanting to have sex with him; so why is he sometimes giving me these pieces of information about what an excellent guy he is, and how his ideal woman is like this or that (after telling me that I have those qualities?)

Is he playing me? is he confused? what's going on?

He's probably probing you... trying to figure you out. Either that or the guy really just wants to talk to you and to be your friend. But, honestly, I think he really feels for you and you should probably be cautious.

LINEBACKER 2

[Innova]

Think about your husband as well..maybe I'm just an "old" school romantic type of guy that just is too fairy tailish. but think about how he would feel, think about the problems if something where to happen.

This is the problem today with relationships..people have to realise that love is the spark, but it takes more then that to keep the flame ignited. I'm against cheating, its the worst of any sin...its horrible. Talk with your husband...it sounds like the sexual side of things has dimmed. You need to talk to him about the problem..communication is key, everybody knows that. Make his ass want you..be mysterious, try new things...go to new places. Sex is simply not getting naked on a bed, and intercoursing. Sex is love, warmth and passion..but it is also our window of fantasies. Live them out. Sex may look like a box from the outside after a while, but inside holds more depth then many seem to realise.

Plan something for just you and your husband...go somewhere new and just get romantic with it!

This guy you speak of, if he is a good friend..keep it that way and let nothing happen! I guarentee if you do anything with this guy, not only will you feel different about him..but soon enough, guilt and trouble will soon follow. It too sounds too me like hes just trying to figure you out, it may be possible that hes trying something, but do not assume and/or take my word for it. Remember the odd road less taken can too eventually end up in shadow, away from the sun.

I hope I helped.

[leight69]

My honest and humble suggestion is over the course of one of your heat to hearts really push him about what his feelings for you are. Don't jump to any conclusions as to what they might be, describe youre friendship to him and tell him how you would view that friendship as an outsider...etc. Really push him to find out his feelings towards you. I mean, really push him. (Present a hypothetical situation, of lets say if you werent married..etc)

Once you've clarified the whole situation, you can and really should...seek to work through it.

***

Here's my take, it CAN go both ways. There are girls where I'v had situations like that, that I've wanted to be with, and those were my motives, they were taken and I wouldnt move in, but I really wanted to.

I also have friends where I've been able to talk to them for long long periods of time (though not on the phone...but I'm not a phone person) and we are just good friends and my intentions are nothing more. Mind you these situations are with people I've been friends for a long long time with.

As long as you know what you want/control yourself, itll all be good.

[bretema]

Thank you, thank you, thank you all! You guys offer great advice--

On the last post, though, I know I should ask or figure out, but, wouldn't that pretty much break the friendship either way? If he's interested and I find out, it's obviously over because we can't go back and ignore it--and if I ask and he isn't, and it's all in my head, he'll probably run as fast as he can away from me, thinking I'm a freak . . .So, I guess I'll just stay in limbo and let it be (aghh!)