I got called ex's name during sex!

[james7]

I was having sex with my girlfriend the other day and she was calling my name out and in the middle of it but then she let her ex's name slip in! I jumped off right away and just sat there in a daze. I then got a shower and left her apartment after telling her I needed some time to think. When I came back later that day we sat down to talk about it. She was crying and said that she wasnt and doesnt think about him during sex, let alone anyone but me. She said that she doesnt have feelings for him anymore, and is only attached to me emotionally, romatically, and physically. She also said that it was the worst thing that she has ever done, and to please forgive her. She was with this guy for 2.5 years, and has been broke up for 3 months, we have been together (having sex) for 2 months. She also was saying that she has never been treated as well as I treat her, and that she hasnt liked anyone as much as me in such a short amount of time. I want to believe her, but this was a big bump in the road, one that I am trying to get over and hope I will. However, it makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it and I dont want to touch her. Does anyone have any advice on what to do, or if it has happened to you personally????? HELP!!

[Debunkt]

[BFTrick]

we all have sexual fantasies, sorry to say but maybe her ex was better looking. anyways i wouldnt worry about it.

the emotional part is stronger than the physical part, so as long as she really likes you for that (emotional part) then i wouldnt worry about it.

[james7]

No, I have seen him and I am better looking (not to sound cocky, but its true), plus she said I am the best sex she has ever had in her life (now I know she might be stretching it, but I dont think so)

[Debunkt]

:: Paging Dr. Freud ::

[cheazypeaz]

lol, unlucky chap... i think its entirely up to you, but if you dont believe her when she says it was an accident, whats the point in being with her? its a question of trust. dude i wouldn't worry about it. sure i'd be pissed off and probably walk out, but honest dude chill

[gHEXjt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debunkt

This post pretty much sums it up. You've got a right to be upset. Obviously it was an accident. You've only got two options on how to deal with this though, forgive her and move on/get over it, or dump her if its really that big of a deal.

[Vanilla Gilr]

James...realistically...she was with him for two and a half years...broke up with him and then a month later was in a sexually active relationship with you. That didn't give a whole lot of time for her to process her past relationship.

Put this mis-step in perspective...If you're not an only child...surely your mother would every now and then call you by a siblings name. Doesn't mean she was thinking of that child...just means that's the name that came out.

I can understand that it made you feel hurt and uncomfortable...but from what you said...she sounds hurt that she hurt you.

It was a slip of the tongue...nothing more. You've probably done it when talking to someone...it's just WHEN it happened that's freaking you out so much.

I don't see why it can't be forgiven...it was not something done on purpose.

But..if you can't truly forgive this one thing...then do break up with her...because ...you may not mean to...but you'll bring it up in arguements...resent it...etc...and if you care at all about her...you don't want to do that.

Personally...I hope you forgive her. Despite the fact that I think ya'll are having sex too soon after her break-up (sorry...that's the 'Dear Abby/Mom in me showing) your relationship is so new...if ya'll stay together...this will fade to be soo small...it's all up to you.

Good luck in your choices.

[whaywardj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by james7

However, it makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it and I dont want to touch her.

By my lights, that is a disgusting remark, James, and indicates very clearly the kind of future -- AWFUL -- this woman is going have with you unless you come to grips with a few facts of life.

This entire "ownership" mentality men -- particuarly young men -- seem to have about women repulses me. Worse: It makes me see red and want to ***** slap some sense into the infantile idiots who are victims of it. But realizing they ARE victims, I quickly regain MY senses and try to be rational in my regard for them.

Look: By the time a man is 20, the odds are VERY good that any woman he might meet and fall in love with has either ****ed another man, sucked another man's dick and swallowed his cum, maybe been ****ed in the ass, had cum squirted on her face and tits and/or experienced any number of other sexual experiments WITH SOMEBODY ELSE. For a guy to try to close his eyes to that reality of her by having a visceral, negative reaction to the likelihood of it is sheer and utter denial; if not insanity, pure and simple. At the very least, it's supremely childish and can only lead to conflicts where a woman struggles to love you DESPITE a sense she must walk on eggshells to avoid offending your delicate and oh-so possessive sensibilities; and where you, Nervous and Insecure Nelly you are, are constantly at her like a discontented, hungry infant grabbing at a breast, or peering over her shoulder, trying to stick your nose in places you, really have no business being at all until she invites you: Her private life. Which, hard as it may be for some men to believe or accept, a woman STILL has AFTER she meets and, maybe even, hooks up with YOU.

Grow the **** up. Where is it written that just because YOU show up in her life, a woman has to go out of her way to pretend she's any more or less "pure" than she really is? In other words: Where is it written she has to "hold your hand" by being less than who she is just to keep you from going off the deep end of your own fantasies?

Apologies for sounding so harsh. But, please remember: When the shoe's on the other foot and a man has a sexual history, it's "okay." God love and help a woman who might have sexual prowess equal (or superior!) to that of a man, because most men she meets sure aren't going to. It's that double-standard which infuriates me to no end and makes it difficult for me to say anything about the topic in any but the most harsh, impatient and thoroughly disagreeable tones. I think all women, everywhere, should suck it up, put their feet down and shout at top of their lungs that they're not going to put up such little-boy-wants-his-saintly-mommy crap anymore. Maybe some men would finally hear them and throw away the emotional bridles they're constantly trying to harness women with. I doubt it, though.

[whaywardj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla Gilr

Personally...I hope you forgive her.

Stop playing into it, VG. There's nothing to forgive. Her slip of tongue was the equivalent of an emotional fart. As natural as can be. At most, a simple "oops! excuse me" might be called for. Followed by a good-natured chuckle and a kiss.

[TAVS]

I dont know dude. It could be taken either way. I was with my Ex for 4-yrs and I'd still stop to think about the name I said before I opened my mouth.

[whaywardj]

Hehe. That's cute TAVS. I had a problem saying the wrong name anytime one of my ladies annoyed me. She said, "Well, at least you only do it when you're angry with me. That tells me something about how THAT relationship went." She did add in mock threat: "If you did it while we were making love, that might be something else."

[whaywardj]

By way of rationalizing why it happens: I've thought about the phenomenon and am ranging toward the conclusion that it has to do with "types." However many times we might become romantically involved with different people over time, they each share personality traits to one degree or another. We have "types" we go for. Sometimes, a single aspect of one person is SO like an aspect of another, that they're emotionally equivalent in that single regard. When a particular emotional matrix is triggered by one, it may as well be the other, and the wrong name bubbles up to our lips. This is particularly likely to happen if the two relationships are closely proximate in time.

[Only-virgins]

Drop the biatch or start yelling your EX's name.

[MVPlaya]

Thats weird, why would she call you my name? You so don't look like me.