What am I doing wrong?

[poweredbuyer]

I met this girl on the internet and so far we have gone out twice. Although we talk on the phone almost everyday from 11pm-3am. Only at nite though which is strange but we exchange txt messages etc. I thought she was into me sending me messages "Hey Good Looking, Hope your havin a nice day" .. I would send nice messages back.

Her personality is awesome and pure long term material but I am not doing this right. I am too much of the nice guy. She recently graduated from University and on the second date I got her a flower to congratulate her. She said "I have to give you a hug for this" ..."Thanks" ... we went out for dinner and she held my arm while walking and at Dinner we held hands for a bit (1 -2 minutes). We have a good time together and I am somewhat confident but I get a lame azzz 5 second hug at the end and she just leaves.

We talk online all the time but our conversations are mature and usually about work, school we laugh at times etc ... I was messin with her the other day on MSn messenger and told her i will bring her a coffee at school but that warrants a kiss. She joked and said "here catch this"... the next day I mentioned it because I didn't go and she said "Whats with this kiss thing all of a sudden"? ... She seems to be a tease and I can't asses whether she is into me or likes to be wined and dined and enjoy going out. Should I make a move to kiss her and break the ice ... if so any ideas? ... She likes to tease for sure but I gotta crack that force field if possible or am I wasting my time and gonna end up a good friend?

I mean if a girl is into you would she tease or be straight up and want to make a move as well. Also, complimenting her and being the nice guy doesn't work as much does it.

[Tone]

Be.

A.

Man.

You.

Pansy.

[CircleC]

I think it was a good idea for you to get on here and tell us how much you want this girl. Now its time to let her know. But how?

hmmmm

The next time you find your heads within a couple feet of each other, look at her and say "i've been wondering.....", while at the same time leaning closer and pressing your lips GENTLY on hers. Just so they are touching. You need to be able to judge her reaction very quickly, so hopefully you are experienced. But just be confident and if she doesn't immediately kiss you back, do not pull away. just make eye contact with her and smile. she'll kiss you back then because she'll see how much fun you are having. No girl will deny you with all that confidence bro. You be the guy who smiles in the face of first rejection. she'll be stunned if she is really a tease and it might be the best kiss of her life. You gotta go for it man.

[RSK]

Be.

A.

Man.

You.

Pansy.

ahahahaha! LOL, tell him Tone!

[Bluevetteracer]

Be.

A.

Man.

You.

Pansy.

Why are you waiting for her to initiate anything, get in the drivers seat and take charge. This does not mean you throw yourself at her, just take charge.

If you ask her out, have a restaurant picked out, if she objects, have a back-up.

You lead, reach out for her hand and hold it, if she pulls it away, then don't hold her hand.

You give her a flower, YOU, open up for the hug.

Even in this day of women's movement, and equal this and that, women still like to be courted and in the beginning, that means you take initiative and take the lead. She will let you know by subtle hints if you are moving fast or in the wrong direction. BUT, you must respect her boundaries and her subtle hints. That is the game. If you move in for a kiss, and she back up, don't take it personally, she may need some more time.

Good luck

[Ellynn]

Just go for it and kiss her.... Sometimes things are best when they just happen and aren't overanalyzed and talked about......

Obviously she likes you......shes just taking it slow...getting to know you...

Nothing wrong with that.

[whaywardj]

I mean if a girl is into you would she tease or be straight up and want to make a move as well. Also, complimenting her and being the nice guy doesn't work as much does it.

In my experience, no; a woman's not likely to be straight-up about much at all in the beginning. (Being straight-up is your job and, often, embarrassment.) She's more likely to toss out little trip wires all over the place to check-out your resolve and how well you negotiate them. After you've persuaded her of your sincerity and hopped her hurdles stylishly enough, THEN she might start being straight-up in more ways than you'd like. The kiss question might have been an example of her taking your reading. Had she asked me that, I would've responded with something like, "Kissing you is something I've wanted to do since I first saw you." Or: "What's it about? Who can say? Kiss me and let's find out." Or anythng that was decidely forward and aimed directly and clearly at my -- for starters -- putting my hands and lips on all her warm, wet places.

Initial attractions that threaten to turn serious usually involve two people doing the same thing: Getting their mutual interest in each other across without suggesting it's given lightly. While you might be trying to let her know you desire her without appearing to be a brute or whore monger, she may be trying to express her interest in you without appearing to be a loose woman or a slut. Hence, five seconds hugs instead of hip-grinding embraces. "Nice guy" considerations are well and good, but only as far as they go. And they go only so far as to invite further escalation of interest. After that, they're rather superfluous except as a formality, or a short-hand method of expressing affectionate regard...the latter being a very good reason to never altogether dispense with gentlemanly behavior.

It not so much a game as it is a process of elimination. Sense what threatens her. Eliminate the threats and you eliminate obstacles. (You must, first, of course, eliminate obstacles within yourself.)

There is one threat you should never, never, ever eliminate, though: The threat of romance. As long as a woman feels as if she might be romanced at any moment -- preferably, by surprise -- she remains vital, vivacious, sparkling and a joy to be with. Take that away and you end up with anything from a crumpled wash rag of a person to a screaming and vindictive shrew.

Same holds true of men, naturally. They just turn into different, equally unpleasant -- or untrustworthy -- creatures when "the thrill" goes away.

All of which, prompts me to start another thread on a subject I'd be interested in hearing people's thoughts on. See: "What is flirting?" in the General Discussion forum.

[Only-virgins]

I have to say. I am impressed. I would never have even had the patience to be doing what you are doing already.

Why are you waiting for her to initiate anything, get in the drivers seat and take charge. This does not mean you throw yourself at her, just take charge.
If you ask her out, have a restaurant picked out, if she objects, have a back-up.
You lead, reach out for her hand and hold it, if she pulls it away, then don't hold her hand.
You give her a flower, YOU, open up for the hug.
Even in this day of women's movement, and equal this and that, women still like to be courted and in the beginning, that means you take initiative and take the lead. She will let you know by subtle hints if you are moving fast or in the wrong direction. BUT, you must respect her boundaries and her subtle hints. That is the game. If you move in for a kiss, and she back up, don't take it personally, she may need some more time.

Macho macho maaaann bluevetteracer likes to be a macho maann macho macho maaann bluevetteracer likes to be a macho MAN!. Fawk woman if they think this is how it is. I like to know from the girl straight forward if she likes me or not. Why am I going to hold her hand and all this BS if at the end shes just going to run away with her infatuation love anyways?

[whaywardj]

As usual, and delightfully, OV holds no ridiculing punches. He's quite accurate in his assessment, you know, Bluevette. You do come across as just TOO, too. Your posts cause me to wonder what it was you failed at which compels you to beat total strangers over their heads with your perfectly polished correctness. Makes you appear quite superficial in my eyes.

[Fajemeister]

I'll give you a move that has totally worked for me and my friends in the past, it's really funny too. Make sure your standing almost shoulder to shoulder. Just say "I have a question to ask you, if you were a pirate, what shoulder would your parrot be on? This one (tap the shoulder thats closer to you) OR this one (the one thats on the far side of her) now you have your arm around her, she'll look at you and smile, then you go in and plant one on her. Then laugh afterwards, that way she knows it's not like your trying to get her in the sack or anything, that it was just a funny spur of the moment thing. It helps if there are people around and your in a relaxed atmosphere. Otherwise if you 2 are alone it might not be the greatest idea cause you might freak her out. But if you know how to play it cool, being alone shouldn't be a problem. That move has worked on several different girls b/c your using humor but being a little serious at the same time. If you have the balls, go for it, i'll be using that one tonight hopefully.

[TAVS]

That's funny Faj.

Oh yea, kiss her. If she gets pissed, drop her like an old rag.

[Bluevetteracer]

As usual, and delightfully, OV holds no ridiculing punches. He's quite accurate in his assessment, you know, Bluevette. You do come across as just TOO, too. Your posts cause me to wonder what it was you failed at which compels you to beat total strangers over their heads with your perfectly polished correctness. Makes you appear quite superficial in my eyes.

Again, any chance to grab a punch at me.

WAYWAR, I must threaten the living shit out of you. My post had nothing MACHO MACHO, it was about being creative, assertive and planning a date.

[Bluevetteracer]

Fawk woman if they think this is how it is. I like to know from the girl straight forward if she likes me or not. Why am I going to hold her hand and all this BS if at the end shes just going to run away with her infatuation love anyways?


Well, it has to do with the class of women you choose to date. I am sure the women you date are more then happy to throw themselves at any man, and profess there love for you on the first date.

The women I chose to date are generally well spoken, professional, Degreed, and usually have plenty of dates lined up, so in other words, they can be choosey.

[Tone]

I liked your post vette, and I also liked Hayward's too - some good stuff in this thread.

Original poster guy - lot of good stuff for you to learn in this thread!

[Asip4u]

Why are you waiting for her to initiate anything, get in the drivers seat and take charge. This does not mean you throw yourself at her, just take charge.

If you ask her out, have a restaurant picked out, if she objects, have a back-up.

You lead, reach out for her hand and hold it, if she pulls it away, then don't hold her hand.

You give her a flower, YOU, open up for the hug.

Even in this day of women's movement, and equal this and that, women still like to be courted and in the beginning, that means you take initiative and take the lead. She will let you know by subtle hints if you are moving fast or in the wrong direction. BUT, you must respect her boundaries and her subtle hints. That is the game. If you move in for a kiss, and she back up, don't take it personally, she may need some more time.

Good luck

Again with this "charge" . You know believe it or not, not every single guy on the planet is Will Smith or whoever else you get this stuff from. Some guys are more shy, it takes awhile for them to become more comfortable and make the move, nothing wrong with that. "That is the game"...so much crap!