trying to move forward. - Love Forum

CircleC · #1 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 04:34 AM

Ok, so I know I am giving her space. I totally know why this is the right thing to do and my dear respect for her makes it easy. I also know that her feelings for me were very strong and though I didn't return them how she initially wanted, I don't think I did anything to turn her away forever. That gets me to the point where I decide patience is the virtue i need most. I don't want to lie and say I don't care for her. I can't even say I don't love her. so i am wondering if there are any creative and healthy ways for me to express myself. it doesn't even have to be directed at her at all, even though the feelings stem from her. i don't want to be over the top, but I also don't think i can force myself to not have feelings for her. I'm not looking for a way to win her back anymore. thats how i felt when i first posted on this sight. i was looking for an immediate solution. Now i know that being myself, and doing what i did, was more than enough to win her affection in the first place. It will be enough if she ever decides she wants to give it another go. How do i feel good about being in love with someone who now needs to take a break from being in love? i'm willing to wait, but could use some techniques to deal with the feelings. As positive as they are. thanks.

Tone · #2 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 04:48 AM

Honesty is usually the best policy.

CircleC · #3 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 04:57 AM

yeah, but i don't wanna be that guy who just keeps talking about how he feels about a girl he isn't with.

Tone · #4 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:03 AM

Well.. there are other ways to say things, besides speaking with your mouth...

whaywardj · #5 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CircleC

...so i am wondering if there are any creative and healthy ways for me to express myself. it doesn't even have to be directed at her at all, even though the feelings stem from her...How do i feel good about being in love with someone who now needs to take a break from being in love? i'm willing to wait, but could use some techniques to deal with the feelings. As positive as they are. thanks.

Everything you feel and think about her, direct to yourself. All in all, love is what we experience when we feel as if someone else has completed us. Complete yourself. Whatever affections you feel for her, find in yourself things OF yourself you can feel the same about. Whatever you admire in her, find something like to admire in yourself. Whatever you value in her, find in yourself something you can value similarly.

In other words, whatever love you have to offer her, offer to yourself, line for line. You'll be surprised how much serenity, calm and compassion that little exercsie can create.

Tone · #6 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:11 AM

Your situation reminds me of a few sayings:

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

And one of my favorites (and most true): "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them."

I think that by giving her space and NOT talking about your guys' problems or talk about when you will get back together, but just by being there for her and being your normal self, will show her how much you truely care. Since she knows you want to be with her, if she sees you go out your way to make things comfortable for her, she might really appreciate it (should!!).

Do you guys still hang out? If so - don't ever mention "us" talk. Just try to fight your feelings to want to talk about your problems, and do whatever you can to make her comfortable and enjoy herself, and enjoy yourself as well.

GAH - I'm not able to write what I'm tryin to say here...

whaywardj · #7 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:13 AM

Looked pretty good to me, Tone.

Rosebud · #8 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:15 AM

This all just takes time. You can't expect to be over all this in just a day or two. You just have to do things you enjoy and try and keep your mind on other things. It does get easier with time.

CircleC · #9 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whaywardj

Everything you feel and think about her, direct to yourself. All in all, love is what we experience when we feel as if someone else has completed us. Complete yourself. Whatever affections you feel for her, find in yourself things OF yourself you can feel the same about. Whatever you admire in her, find something like to admire in yourself. Whatever you value in her, find in yourself something you can value similarly.

In other words, whatever love you have to offer her, offer to yourself, line for line. You'll be surprised how much serenity, calm and compassion that little exercsie can create.

I value her kindness to everyone. She has brought a smile to every face I have ever seen around her. I think I'm very kind to people too. I'm going to try and appreciate my kindness. Feels wierd to think that way, appreciating myself. Seems like that could be deemed 'cocky', I think that is my hangup. But what you have written makes so much sense, I think I need to get over it.

That's wisdom and I'm thankful.

Tone · #10 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:21 AM

It's not cocky - that's actually really great advice.

You have to believe you have something good to offer to others before you can actually give them anything, no?

It's not about being cocky at all, just confident in yourself, happy with yourself, so that you can go out and make others happy.

CircleC · #11 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:23 AM

We can still hang out Tone. She has definitely said that. And you are so right with what you wrote. Glad you didn't cut yourself off earlier. What you've said to do is pretty much the approach I'm already attempting. I'm glad you think that by doing so will show that I care. Couple that with what Hayward wrote and I might be on the best track of my life.

CircleC · #12 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosebud

This all just takes time. You can't expect to be over all this in just a day or two. You just have to do things you enjoy and try and keep your mind on other things. It does get easier with time.

I've been seeing that over the last few days. Each day gets better.

CircleC · #13 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:30 AM

Find in myself to love what I love in her....

This is not a simple task.....right? Might require a written list for me to get rolling on that idea. Does that seem logical?

whaywardj · #14 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:47 AM

Hehe. It isn't supposed to be simple. It's not supposed to be difficult, either. It's a journey. That's all. I've said it here before. Pardon me for saying it again: Follow your doubts. Go where they lead you. They're like little vehicles that take you for a ride in the landscape that is you. Within yourself, you're a tourist. Enjoy the scenery. Get off the vehicle and take pictures (make lists) if you want. But don't believe for a second the picture you took a minute ago is going to look anything like what the landscape changed into during that time.

whaywardj · #15 (**permalink**) 22-10-05, 05:51 AM

Oh, yeah: Following suite with Tone's post of sayings: "Don't let problems you might be having with them cause you to lose sight of the person you love."