all mixed up

[xycowgirl]

Hi I am new here and all mixed up.lolll . I have a boyfreind but i have the hots for this guy at work who also has a girlfriend.. We get along real great. The problem is i dont know if he is flirting with me or just wants to be friends. I have not been flirting in about 12 years so im all lost right now. Before one of his familly members got ill he use to come with me afterwork to the ranch to see my horse and stay with me for about 2 hours then go home..THis went on for 4 weeks 2 times a week. he called me once and told me he wanted to see me but then familly called him and he had to cancel. Im all mixed up now. We joke around at work and that does not help. He has not came to the ranch with me for about a week and a half now.. I am usually not a shy person but with him i am.. I just want to try and kiss the hell out of him but hell im too shy to do that to him.. HELP.. I really do not know men anymore..

[whaywardj]

Would your bf mind if you and this man hooked-up? Would his gf mind if he hooked-up with you?

[funkybuddha]

Just kiss the hell out of him. Make the first move if you have to. It's the best way to find out LOL. Who knows..it might work out! Just go for it!!! Then post and let us all know

[xycowgirl]

Ofcourse my bf and his gf would mind. I know my relationship at home is not going very good.. to be truthfull has not been for about 7 years. Anyway I dont know we just kind of clicked.. I am not a teenager but hell i feel like one now.. I am not use to getting attention and i have to say this feels great. I can not tell you how his relationship is going for i do not know his gf. I would not want him to leave her for me anyway.. We would have to get to know each other alot more.. For the moment i would just like to have an underground relationship as i like to call it.


I am too shy to make a move.. i dont know if that is what he wants or not.. At work we are not shy but the minute we are alone we cant look each other in the eye. Man i am 35 and this is the first time i want to jump on someone. This is not a natural thing for me. I do not go on in life wanting to jump men. He is 7 years younger than me. it feels great to have someone talking to me like im a real person and not a bloody maid.

I am not use to this and all i want to do right now is call him and tell him i miss him.. yes he asked for my number and he gave me his. All i do in a day is think about him. God i sound like a teenager.

[Vanilla Gilr]

Okay..first thing...you're a thirty-five year old woman...perfectly natural for you to be horny as hell...you're coming into your sexual prime time. Feeling that way is one thing...how you react to it is another. Again...it's perfectly natural to want love, attention, excitement, passion...BUT...before you pursue these things...you really should end the relationship that you're in. If you were not in a relationship...a man who is showing this much interest would probably make a move.

But don't let your hormones fool you and make you think that the first cowboy to come alone is the one you should ride (trying to be cute here..lol)

You deserve a man who can be all yours...and any man worth something deserves the same back.

Good luck

[xycowgirl]

Your right Vanilla:
I have trouble thinking someone would be interested in me. I am good looking but know one has even shown an interest in me. You can say all i do is work and ride my horse on the week-end. I just dont know if he really is interested in me.. Yea peaple tell me hell girl if he wasnt he would not be with you all the time but i am so not use to that. Even my BF is never with me.. We live different lives. He does his thing and i do mine. Our relationship has been on the rocks for 7 years but i so do not want to hurt him. Sometimes i wonder why.. he did not care when he went off with an other for 6 months 7 years ago.

Damn this is worst than i thought.. I have never been alone and all of this is scarry to me.

[Vanilla Gilr]

Yes..it can be scary...but it can also be exciting. Living alone is not a horrible thing. Okay...my daughter lives with me and I do have a man in my life...but..I don't have a man living in my home.

When I told my ex that I was unhappy and wanted to break up...I didn't do it to hurt him, but to save myself. We had slept in seperate rooms for at least five years...hadn't had sex in longer than that...fought every night...Home was like hell...no peace at all. Wasn't good for me...my child...and even though he won't admitt it...wasn't good for him either.

I'm not saying that ya'll have to break-up...but it does sound more like you're roomies instead of a couple...and ya both deserve better...and the only way to have it better...is to make some changes.

And about people being interested in you...just wait till you're happy with your life and yourself...see all the interest you get then!

[whaywardj]

So far, I second everything VG has said. Might add: I'm not sure how I'd feel about myself afterwards if I were to do something I knew beforehand was likely to directly hurt, damage or complicate other people's lives, however convenient an excuse things not going well in either quarter might seem to be. Might also add: If you never have been, maybe you SHOULD spend some time alone, sans any serious romantic involvements. I can't imagine how anyone can know themelves if they've never spent time with themselves without the presence and force of another person distracting their attention and shaping their perspective.

[Debunkt]

Our relationship has been on the rocks for 7 years but i so do not want to hurt him.

I have a feeling you'd hurt him a lot more if you cheated on him than if you actually talked to him and broke off the relationship first.

[Tone]

Reminds me of this old song... "If you leave him... I'll leave her... we'll pack our bags.. don't say a word.."

[whaywardj]

which brings to mind:

"...You slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free..."

I did that once. Wife and SO of five years came home from work one day and I was gone. POOF! No note. No discussion. No warning. Beyond receiving divorce papers weeks later in the mail by way of a third party, never saw, spoke or heard from her again.

I was much younger then.

[CircleC]

Hi, your post made me think about the attention he is giving you. He must know that you are having trouble with your bf. right? Maybe he is the hero type and enjoys the gratification he gets from being better than what you have. Before you make any rash desicions, you need to make sure of his character and intentions. That must be tricky because I sure don't know how. Maybe someone else on here can give you some tips on how to make sure he is "real potential" and not just trying to be Superman and save the day. You said you haven't flirted/dated for a while. You could probably use the help with your perspective.

[CircleC]

Two personnel managers at the same company met and flirted for years at work. Each then divorced their spouse of 15+ years. They married one another. They are great friends of mine and my family. They are still happily together. So it can happen.

[whaywardj]

Good cautionary suggestion, Circle. But evidence of his character is already there. I didn't see Cowgirl saying anything about him dissuading her interest, which, if he doesn't already know, he must certainly sense with clarity. While good outcomes such as you describe CAN happen, I haven't seen anything in Cowgirl's posts which suggests he wouldn't treat her the same way as he's treating his current gf should he and Cowgirl hook-up and he, later, became disenchanted with her for one or another reason. Or excuse. (Remember how those work?)

All in all, it's a sordid little matter, in my view, in which all concerned ought clean-up their current business before moving on to any new business.

[CircleC]

...Or excuse. (Remember how those work?)

excuses? what are those?

of course I remember. they're my Gremlins.