Relationship Routine! - Love Forum

Rosebud · #1 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 02:31 AM

ok so has anyone ever had a long term relationship fall into a routine? It's easy to do especially after being together for so long but how do you change those things? I mean you can talk to each other about it until the sky turns red but does it change anything? It's like you get so used to one another that you take things for granted..

Has anyone ever had this happen? And if so what did you do to correct it or how would go about doing so?

#2 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 02:35 AM

Yeah, it happens a lot in long term relationships I think. It's happened to me, and I'm determined to never let it happen again. It's one of the many things I've learned on my journey.

Rosebud · #3 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 02:40 AM

How would you fix it then or prevent it from happening?

#4 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 02:47 AM

You just have to do those little things to break up the routine - be a bit more spontaneous. Find out there is nothin really goin on the weekend comin up and suprise her with gettin a cabin for a weekend. Little stuff like that - just do somethin you wouldn't normally do to break the routine.

Like I've said in another thread, I think a lot of it rests upon the guy to do, so as the woman I'd try talking to him about it (but it sound like you already did) and maybe try a few things yourself to suprise him, etc.

I dunno - maybe I'm not really talkin about the same thing as you. I'm assumin you mean kind of like you're getting bored with the relationship? You guys do the same thing all the time? It's almost like you guys do things just to do things, cause that's what you're use to, and not cause it's fun/exciting or w/e?

Another thing is to be sure you have a life outside your S/O so that you guys aren't together ALL the time, so when you do get together it can still be pretty special, etc. Bleh - I'm rambling now.

Rosebud · #5 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 03:03 AM

no you do have good advice, and I appreciate it. I guess I should have elaborated a bit more. It's not really that I'm bored with the realtionship it's that our sex life and a few other things have fallen into a routine as opposed to being spontaneous or heat of the moment situations. We have talked about it several times but now it's almost a fight because he is defensive when I bring it up even though I don't blame him for anything. I guess I just miss the days where we wanted each other so bad we couldn't take it and we would act on those actions, since that doesn't happen anymore I can't help but feel a little insecure. I know there's a lot we can try and do and I think I have tried several.

I have tried lingerie, and the whole seduce thing which he goes for but I think he's expecting me to do this all the time and I need participation on his part as well and I think that's where I'm having my problem. I know he wants to try but he never does, he just does the same normal thing. he even mentioned last week that next weekend we were going to go away somehwere just the two of us and when I asked him yesterday if he still wanted to, he said it didn't matter to him. That was not the answer I wanted... I wanted him to say yes I do! I mean I don't think I'm hideous to look at so I can't understand why it would so hard to put forth a little effort on his part if that's truly how he feels.

Junsui · #6 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 03:14 AM

I understand your frustration and I wish I had an answer for you.

Rosebud · #7 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 03:29 AM

I still appreciate your thought Junsui!!

#8 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 03:53 AM

That's on your man.

blue · #9 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 04:19 AM

lIttle things go a long way

walks, watching a favorite tv program make popcorn and give each other massages, picnics, breakfast in bed head in the car.

Relationships go thru these periods of getting so comfortable with each other we forget to do the little things that count. but this too will pass.

Rosebud · #10 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 04:32 AM

I hope it does pass. I think I do a lot of little things for him all the time as well as some of the bigger things, and I'm going to keep doing them. I think I'm going through a stage where I feel unappreciated which is connected to all this as well. We do have a child together and I stay at home with her all day. I do everything around the house and then some. I guess with all this I just like to have him make effort in some areas as well and I know it's on him to do so but He's not truly understanding what I'm talking about when I mention it. I mean I would like to get flowers for no reason, or to be told the house looks nice, or wow! you look good today. I mean any of those things would work for me and I'm not asking a lot I just think it's nice to be acknowledged every once ina while. I guess my problem is a lot bigger than what I initially stated but I don't want to come off as though we have this majorly screwed up relationship, because we don't. It's just nice to be noticed every once in awhile. Thanks for letting me vent guys!

Junsui · #11 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 04:36 AM

I think we all go through a period where we feel unappreciated. I have definitely been there. Women pay more attention to the little things while men usually see the bigger things.

blue · #12 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 04:45 AM

it sounds like your self esteem bank is running low, but pointing the finger at him and telling him what he dosent do isnt going to put money in his bank either leaving you both broke. We all want aknowledgment apprecitaion and acceptance. Give him these selflesley and see what happens.
Sometimes the best way to turn things around is to take action yourself and see what happens without puting blame becasue once you do that the bells will start to ring and no one is going to get anywhere.
Do you rather be right or do you rather be loved? Good book to read communication miracles for couples its an easy read and it talks about the little things.

smilingeyes · #13 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 05:13 AM

Sometimes, even when you talk to them and drop hints they don't get it. Start being spontaneous again, surprise him in the shower, or right as he gets out. Turn of all the lights and "attack" him when he gets home from work. Serve dinner naked. Go down on him while he's driving. He will get those hints Then try to make a game out of it, who can out do who along those lines. Show up at his work in a trenchcoat & nothing else, then give him a sneak peek, turn around and walk out. Go to the drive-ins. Just a few suggestions to help spice things up.

gHEXjt · #14 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosebud

ok so has anyone ever had a long term relationship fall into a routine? It's easy to do especially after being together for so long but how do you change those things? I mean you can talk to each other about it until the sky turns red but does it change anything? It's like you get so used to one another that you take things for granted..

Has anyone ever had this happen? And if so what did you do to correct it or how would go about doing so?

This was the root cause of my breakup this past summer. Together for 3 1/2 yrs and she said we just did the same thing all the time. I realized afterwards that there were little things she and I did for each other, like even me bringing her a rose or some trivial shit like that, that we just stopped doing. To keep things fresh, make sure that you do the little things, and also go out and find new things to do together.

gHEXjt · #15 (**permalink**) 14-10-05, 05:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smilingeyes

Sometimes, even when you talk to them and drop hints they don't get it. Start being spontaneous again, surprise him in the shower, or right as he gets out. Turn of all the lights and "attack" him when he gets home from work. Serve dinner naked. Go down on him while he's driving. He will get those hints Then try to make a game out of it, who can out do who along those lines. Show up at his work in a trenchcoat & nothing else, then give him a sneak peek, turn around and walk out. Go to the drive-ins. Just a few suggestions to help spice things up.

MY GOD, THIS IS A LIST OF ALL THE GREATEST IDEAS I HAVE EVER HEARD!