What's the most frustrating part of dating for you?
+ Follow This Topic
Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: What's the most frustrating part of dating for you?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Lightbulb What's the most frustrating part of dating for you?

    Hey guys,

    I'm curious what for you is the most frustrating part of dating or the part that you have the most problems with?

    Also from a girl's perspective, what's the part that annoys you or you hate that guys do(or don't do) during dating, or at a first date, or even when they approach you?

    For me the biggest problem in dating was always approaching a girl during the day. I would always get very nervous because I thought of a million things that could go wrong or that I would run out of things to say so I would talk myself out of it.

    Now my biggest is long term relationships and knowing exactly what I actually want in a long term relationship and what type of girl I'd like to be with.

    Would love to know what everyone else is dealing with and what you find difficult.

    Thanks guys!

  2. # ADS
    Infobot Registered User
    Join Date
    Always
    Posts
    Many
     
  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    280
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I've been doing a lot of online dating lately. I cleaned up my profile, photos and have been actually pretty successful with it. More success then I've ever had, I never used to get this amount of random messages from women, but my previous profiles just weren't made very well. I devoted a lot of time with pictures and writing a meaningful bio. But.

    So often the chemistry isn't there or I'm just not that attracted.
    It's disappointing. I haven't been on a date with a woman that really rocked me for probably 8 months or so.
    Which is the bad part about online dating. You dont REALLY know until you're sitting in front of them, if you're that into them, or if they're that into you. Whereas when you approach a woman on the street, you can just instantly basically feel it.

    It's hard because sometimes the woman is into me. But I'm just not feeling it. I don't want to move things forward because I don't want to waste their time or lead them on.
    It's pointless to go out with someone that doesn't just blow your mind. Or for me it is.

    So much of it is a numbers game as well. These women have inboxes with hundreds of messages, that i totally get it. You feel like you meet a woman you will probably really click with, but you never actually get her out on a date. She might have a slight interest, but it just isn't there enough. She has tons of other men gunning for her. Ive Left my number for several women after speaking with them when I felt like there was some investment from both sides, typically I've been getting a text from them a few days later still.

    I really believe in being infinitely patient, but sometimes they will forget you, but it's part of the game. If they forget you, they weren't that into you regardless so it's best not to invest more yourself. Also, i find that when other people aren't that interested, I quickly lose interest myself. It's best to keep moving.

    Easy and effortless dating with someone that's excited about you as well >>>>
    Last edited by GLYC; 13-10-17 at 12:04 AM.

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    3,918
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    160 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)
    I am happy for you that online dating has been working for you. For me it has never been anything but a complete waste of my time. I am NOT one of those guys who just mindlessly e-mails EVERY woman on the site hoping SOMEBODY will answer me back. If I message somebody it is because I sincerely feel like there are things about her that interest me. I have heard ALL of the advice people give. Things like having a good bio, but not TOO long. Similar advice about when you message somebody. Make it long enough so they can tell you actually read their profile and don't just send the same form letter to everybody, but not so long that it scares them away right off the bat. I've heard all the advice people always give and have used it all. Still, if I e-mail 100 women from the site over time, I'll hear back from a grand total of 0. (Okay, so I had a few first dates here and there, but not many and they never went anywhere).

    So, I gave up on online dating a long time ago... and since I don't really seem to have many opportunities to meet new women face to face these days, that essentially means I've given up on dating PERIOD. ....So I'll have to answer this from when I WAS trying to date. LOL!

    My answer may be a little different from other people simply because I am not Mr. Social Butterfly.... so things that other people take for granted are more perplexing for me. So, for me the most frustrating part was knowing how exactly I am supposed to proceed. Like, things like when should we go from exchanging e-mail messages to actually meeting? When should we start texting each other regularly? I just thought those things would come naturally, but never really felt like they did.

    Strangely enough, I always felt like I am really good at the boyfriend thing... I just have no frigging clue how to do the dating thing. Making it even worse is the fact that I don't really like to just go up to some woman I barely know and ask her out on a date. I don't really function like that. I generally prefer to get to know somebody a little bit first before I know if I even care to date her or not. But, it seems like the rest of the world just doesn't operate that way. Not only that, but again, I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people these days anyway. So, I'm just stuck. Which, for right now is okay. It has been good for me. Been learning to be happy with just me, and am better than I EVER have been in my whole life. There will always be a part of me that will want love, but I'm learning to live without since it seems likely I have no other option.

    But, again, back to the point. That has always sort of been my personal biggest frustration with dating. I just don't really know when the Hell you are supposed to do certain things and what is the right balance between making yourself seem TOO available and not available enough. Stuff like that.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by TheEvilJester View Post
    I am happy for you that online dating has been working for you. For me it has never been anything but a complete waste of my time. I am NOT one of those guys who just mindlessly e-mails EVERY woman on the site hoping SOMEBODY will answer me back. If I message somebody it is because I sincerely feel like there are things about her that interest me. I have heard ALL of the advice people give. Things like having a good bio, but not TOO long. Similar advice about when you message somebody. Make it long enough so they can tell you actually read their profile and don't just send the same form letter to everybody, but not so long that it scares them away right off the bat. I've heard all the advice people always give and have used it all. Still, if I e-mail 100 women from the site over time, I'll hear back from a grand total of 0. (Okay, so I had a few first dates here and there, but not many and they never went anywhere).

    So, I gave up on online dating a long time ago... and since I don't really seem to have many opportunities to meet new women face to face these days, that essentially means I've given up on dating PERIOD. ....So I'll have to answer this from when I WAS trying to date. LOL!

    My answer may be a little different from other people simply because I am not Mr. Social Butterfly.... so things that other people take for granted are more perplexing for me. So, for me the most frustrating part was knowing how exactly I am supposed to proceed. Like, things like when should we go from exchanging e-mail messages to actually meeting? When should we start texting each other regularly? I just thought those things would come naturally, but never really felt like they did.

    Strangely enough, I always felt like I am really good at the boyfriend thing... I just have no frigging clue how to do the dating thing. Making it even worse is the fact that I don't really like to just go up to some woman I barely know and ask her out on a date. I don't really function like that. I generally prefer to get to know somebody a little bit first before I know if I even care to date her or not. But, it seems like the rest of the world just doesn't operate that way. Not only that, but again, I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people these days anyway. So, I'm just stuck. Which, for right now is okay. It has been good for me. Been learning to be happy with just me, and am better than I EVER have been in my whole life. There will always be a part of me that will want love, but I'm learning to live without since it seems likely I have no other option.

    But, again, back to the point. That has always sort of been my personal biggest frustration with dating. I just don't really know when the Hell you are supposed to do certain things and what is the right balance between making yourself seem TOO available and not available enough. Stuff like that.

    Just curious, have you tried to learn about dating, psychology of women, and things like that? Yea it's definitely not something that we naturally all know exactly what to do. personally I think dating, flirting, and even healthy relationships have to be learned through our own psychology and learning the dating skills. It doesn't make sense that sometimes we spend so much time on our physical health and learning all the foods we should eat and what exercises to do, but we don't learn what's good for our psychology , how to choose the right partner, how to flirt, etc.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    280
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by TheEvilJester View Post
    I am happy for you that online dating has been working for you. For me it has never been anything but a complete waste of my time. I am NOT one of those guys who just mindlessly e-mails EVERY woman on the site hoping SOMEBODY will answer me back. If I message somebody it is because I sincerely feel like there are things about her that interest me. I have heard ALL of the advice people give. Things like having a good bio, but not TOO long. Similar advice about when you message somebody. Make it long enough so they can tell you actually read their profile and don't just send the same form letter to everybody, but not so long that it scares them away right off the bat. I've heard all the advice people always give and have used it all. Still, if I e-mail 100 women from the site over time, I'll hear back from a grand total of 0. (Okay, so I had a few first dates here and there, but not many and they never went anywhere).

    So, I gave up on online dating a long time ago... and since I don't really seem to have many opportunities to meet new women face to face these days, that essentially means I've given up on dating PERIOD. ....So I'll have to answer this from when I WAS trying to date. LOL!

    My answer may be a little different from other people simply because I am not Mr. Social Butterfly.... so things that other people take for granted are more perplexing for me. So, for me the most frustrating part was knowing how exactly I am supposed to proceed. Like, things like when should we go from exchanging e-mail messages to actually meeting? When should we start texting each other regularly? I just thought those things would come naturally, but never really felt like they did.

    Strangely enough, I always felt like I am really good at the boyfriend thing... I just have no frigging clue how to do the dating thing. Making it even worse is the fact that I don't really like to just go up to some woman I barely know and ask her out on a date. I don't really function like that. I generally prefer to get to know somebody a little bit first before I know if I even care to date her or not. But, it seems like the rest of the world just doesn't operate that way. Not only that, but again, I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people these days anyway. So, I'm just stuck. Which, for right now is okay. It has been good for me. Been learning to be happy with just me, and am better than I EVER have been in my whole life. There will always be a part of me that will want love, but I'm learning to live without since it seems likely I have no other option.

    But, again, back to the point. That has always sort of been my personal biggest frustration with dating. I just don't really know when the Hell you are supposed to do certain things and what is the right balance between making yourself seem TOO available and not available enough. Stuff like that.
    You know, I didn't have much success before, I had dates and I did end up going out with a woman I really enjoyed.
    But my numbers have increased dramatically, I have a LOT more options.
    What your friend told you is true. My previous profile had bad pictures that were poor quality and dated.
    I also used while think to be too much humor in my last profiles.

    My new one? It's serious sounding, but it has some subtle humor in it.
    The mass majority of mine is me describing what I want in a woman and a relationship. It's me being direct and going for what I want.
    The genius part? Women will literally read it and go "hey! That's so me!" Or "that's what I want too!"
    Most women tell me how refreshing it is to read a profile like this.

    And look at the competition. There's other men that are better looking than me, but they have poor success.
    Those men craft bad messages (women do like when you mention what they say in their profile), their profiles have spelling errors, no substance,no originality.
    They sound like every other guy on the street/site.
    Their profiles are all selfies, or bad quality or immature photos.
    You can be yourself in your profile. You just have to know how to do it.
    In fact, I encourage a person to show off their amazingly different self. I think it'd help you if you do it properly.

    Now. How I can really tell my success turned around is also that I saw people who previously had accounts that I had emailed probably a year ago.
    They didn't respond to my old one.
    But my new one, they have. I just went out with a woman from that circumstance the other week.

    Online dating. It's just another option. I think it's a good idea not to invest a ton of time in it.
    Spend the effort in the profile and pictures.
    After that, email a few women,but if women contact you first you're in the best position.
    I don't write many fir5at emails at all, it's tedious and gets old. I'll maybe write one or two a week, if someone has a great bio that I like and im attracted to them.
    Otherwise, eh, nah. The people who have 4 word bios, or "ask me to find out". No thanks.
    Why would I message them when I can find someone that already sounds like they're going to be cool?

    And of course there's still women that aren't interested in me. That's just life though. Most women probably won't be.
    Honestly when women don't respond or aren't interested, I don't care that much, I genuinely feel that it's their loss.
    And it clears a person that wasn't that interested off the table. And if a woman isn't interested, I'm not interested.
    I only have time for the ones that are interested in me.

    The great part is you can also deactivate the account and come back months later which is likely what I'll do eventually here.
    More new profiles around you.
    Last edited by GLYC; 13-10-17 at 03:08 PM.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Latvia
    Posts
    4,581
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    148 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    @GLYC just like it takes years in interacting with girls to become socialy good, it takes years in dating sites to become good at them. You are learning fast.
    @TheEvilJester it took me years on dating sites to get my first date. I was sure theres no point trying and that dating sites dont work for me. But you know my story Jester. One message that I was sure wont get replied changed all of that. Changed all my perspective from girls from negative to positive. You never know when you find a good girl on those sites.
    Create a girls profile and see what kind of messages guys are sending, then learn from those mistskes. As I understand your first message was long so that might be the problem like investing too much too early, looking needy that way when your message dont match lenght of girls message. So thats why first message should be short.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    3,918
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    160 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by gregfloripa View Post
    Just curious, have you tried to learn about dating, psychology of women, and things like that? Yea it's definitely not something that we naturally all know exactly what to do. personally I think dating, flirting, and even healthy relationships have to be learned through our own psychology and learning the dating skills. It doesn't make sense that sometimes we spend so much time on our physical health and learning all the foods we should eat and what exercises to do, but we don't learn what's good for our psychology , how to choose the right partner, how to flirt, etc.
    To be honest, I don't even really know HOW to go about that. But, you do bring up kind of a good point. I almost feel like that should be something we are taught. I guess it would be weird to teach that in school to children. LOL! But, I don't know. I kinda wish there were classes on it or something. It's too late for me anyway. But it is all those normal human interactions that perplex me so. Things most people just take for granted are completely foreign to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by GLYC View Post
    You know, I didn't have much success before, I had dates and I did end up going out with a woman I really enjoyed.
    But my numbers have increased dramatically, I have a LOT more options.
    What your friend told you is true. My previous profile had bad pictures that were poor quality and dated.
    I also used while think to be too much humor in my last profiles.
    Well, no, believe me I've heard all that kind of advice before. People basically always give the exact same advice. Things like making your profile just the right length (not just brief and meaningless, but not telling your life story). Things like the kind of pictures to have and not have. I HAVE tried it all and all still to the same pointless results. I suppose I could go back and take another look at my profile and try again.... but the thing is I'd already tried all that stuff. And, you know, to be perfectly honest I really don't WANT somebody who would only be interested in polished me.

    In fact, my old profile had, taking the advice everybody gives, all the most mainly normal pics of me I had.... but I don't really want somebody who would only be interested in me if that is the me they first saw. I think I'd honest to goodness rather go back to my old profile and add pics of me in cosplay. Because, you know what? I'd rather have nobody than to have somebody who'd take one look at a picture of me dressed as Deadpool and say "Woah! Nerd alert! NEXT!" I'd rather have somebody who would look at that and think "Ooo! That's awesome! I want to date somebody who will go to conventions in cosplay with me!"


    Quote Originally Posted by pcmaster View Post
    As I understand your first message was long so that might be the problem like investing too much too early, looking needy that way when your message dont match lenght of girls message. So thats why first message should be short.
    Um...no. I pretty much said the exact opposite, dude. LOL! Believe me, I am WELL aware of the fact that I have the tendency to go on and on in written form. I am also WELL aware of how that can scare people off. So, I always made sure my initial messages to women were fairly brief, but detailed enough to say why I found them interesting. I'd usually also use a little humor, but, as GLYC described, subtle humor. Just a little something to show I was different and not just like every other guy who just messages every woman. For that matter, I would then let them basically sort of dictate how the lengths of our back and forth exchanges went. In other words, even then I made it a specific effort not to write people a novel, but at the same time also not to just have short little meaningless exchanges that didn't really help us get to know each other.

    Maybe some day I will revisit online dating. I HIGHLY doubt it... but maybe some day. Right now, I've just been ridiculously happy... and I achieved that on my own. So, I'm just not willing to jeopardize that right now. Believe me, it won't last forever, but I need to enjoy it whilst I can. Ain't that the story of life?

    Anyways, does anybody else have more to add to the original topic? I'm actually interested in that myself. What other things do people find annoying/frustrating about dating?
    Last edited by TheEvilJester; 13-10-17 at 11:48 PM.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    933
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    37 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I donít do dating
    Never did
    My relationship is fine

    Biggest problem is to always be empathic
    And to identify and communicate all of the problems.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Ä also doing my part of household chores is a BIG problem :-)

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    280
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    @TheEvilJester that's perfect, being content and happy being single and alone is what everyone needs to do. It puts you in the best position to be with another person.

    As for other things like texting everyday. It's not necessary. Just use good communication on your end.
    I just set up a date for next week, and I told the woman that I'm not a huge texting kind of guy as I feel it's better to get to know other people in person.
    She agreed saying she felt the same way.

    That's the importance of good communication. Definitely learned that from past experiences.
    Just make it known who you are. Some other people could otherwise misinterpret the lack of communication on my end as me not caring.
    But that's not the case at all. If a person is a MUST text all the time person,I'm afraid we just wouldn't be compatible. That'd wear me out quickly.

    I feel like less is more in a lot of cases. Obviously make your intentions known. But you don't need to do grand gestures. Just simple things.
    "I can't wait to see you on friday!" Great example.

    Hard things for me.. hmm. Honestly I feel good about my approach with things.
    Making new dates can get tedious though. I put a lot of effort into some of them. Sometimes hours lining up schedules, calling places, lookihg at menus, looming at maps/pictures, etc.
    Then if someone backs out on you, that can kinda suck. Nowadays, I don't care that much, I figure I'll just use the date idea for somebody else!
    Last edited by GLYC; 14-10-17 at 11:35 PM.

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Your Worst Nightmares
    Posts
    3,918
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    160 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)
    I definitely agree with you that the best time to find somebody is actually when you are in that mindset of being perfectly happy with yourself. Unfortunately for me, when I am in a moment like this where I actually AM completely happy alone.... I lose interest in finding somebody. LOL! So, it's like I'm screwed either way. I mean, don't get me wrong. If love just fell into my lap I wouldn't chase it away. If some attractive girl who seemed interesting to me came up and asked ME out, I wouldn't say no....

    But I just have no interest in trying myself. It isn't worth risking this rare peace of mind I have had lately.

    Anyways, back to dating....

    I do think you are right. Hell, I even intellectually know all that myself.... It is easy to KNOW that, but so much harder to actually practice it. LOL! Like you, I'm not the constantly text all day every day kind of guy. So, to me when I am just dating a gal, I'm just fine with texting and/or e-mailing every few days or so and then setting up a date here and there. If we got more serious, sure maybe I'd want us to be in touch most days. But, early in the dating I am fine with not hearing back every day. I just don't know if maybe I'm unintentionally seeming too uninterested. I don't THINK I am, but again.... normal human interactions are kind of foreign to me. Because... you know... I'm not normal OR human. LOL!

  12. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Create your own website & blog! No programming knowledge required!
    MXHUB Website Builder

    Quote Originally Posted by TheEvilJester View Post
    To be honest, I don't even really know HOW to go about that. But, you do bring up kind of a good point. I almost feel like that should be something we are taught. I guess it would be weird to teach that in school to children. LOL! But, I don't know. I kinda wish there were classes on it or something. It's too late for me anyway. But it is all those normal human interactions that perplex me so. Things most people just take for granted are completely foreign to me.



    Well, no, believe me I've heard all that kind of advice before. People basically always give the exact same advice. Things like making your profile just the right length (not just brief and meaningless, but not telling your life story). Things like the kind of pictures to have and not have. I HAVE tried it all and all still to the same pointless results. I suppose I could go back and take another look at my profile and try again.... but the thing is I'd already tried all that stuff. And, you know, to be perfectly honest I really don't WANT somebody who would only be interested in polished me.

    In fact, my old profile had, taking the advice everybody gives, all the most mainly normal pics of me I had.... but I don't really want somebody who would only be interested in me if that is the me they first saw. I think I'd honest to goodness rather go back to my old profile and add pics of me in cosplay. Because, you know what? I'd rather have nobody than to have somebody who'd take one look at a picture of me dressed as Deadpool and say "Woah! Nerd alert! NEXT!" I'd rather have somebody who would look at that and think "Ooo! That's awesome! I want to date somebody who will go to conventions in cosplay with me!"




    Um...no. I pretty much said the exact opposite, dude. LOL! Believe me, I am WELL aware of the fact that I have the tendency to go on and on in written form. I am also WELL aware of how that can scare people off. So, I always made sure my initial messages to women were fairly brief, but detailed enough to say why I found them interesting. I'd usually also use a little humor, but, as GLYC described, subtle humor. Just a little something to show I was different and not just like every other guy who just messages every woman. For that matter, I would then let them basically sort of dictate how the lengths of our back and forth exchanges went. In other words, even then I made it a specific effort not to write people a novel, but at the same time also not to just have short little meaningless exchanges that didn't really help us get to know each other.

    Maybe some day I will revisit online dating. I HIGHLY doubt it... but maybe some day. Right now, I've just been ridiculously happy... and I achieved that on my own. So, I'm just not willing to jeopardize that right now. Believe me, it won't last forever, but I need to enjoy it whilst I can. Ain't that the story of life?

    Anyways, does anybody else have more to add to the original topic? I'm actually interested in that myself. What other things do people find annoying/frustrating about dating?
    Yea completely agree, this is something that should be taught in class. I learned by some trial and error, but also learned a ton through learning from dating coaches which rapidly increased how fast I learned and had success.

    It's a shame this isn't taught more as an essential skill. Personally I think dating and relationships should be taught in college as a class. In a concise way. I probably also read 20-30 books on psychology and relationships. Combined with 100s of dates in the last few years. But yea people would be more successful if it was taught early on and then practice what you learn. It's no different than any other skill we learn.

    I'm writing an article on online dating since I've learned so much about it last few years and gone through so many dates. That's not to brag, but I do think what I know now would have made it much easier early on.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •