Insecure in a secure relationship... - Love Forum

zabcz · #1 (**permalink**) 26-10-05, 10:35 AM

I am currently in the best relationship I've ever been in. We've been together for just over a year and currently live together. We both love each other VERY much, we rarely argue and never yell, and we always have a great time together. We have great sex and have it often (3-8 times a week).

That said, I am a very insecure person and because of this I sometimes get insecure about our relationship for no reason at all. Even when our relationship and our sex life is going extremely well, I randomly get insecure about things. I start to think about her cheating on me - for no reason - and I get very upset. Even though inside I know that she isn't, thoughts just flood my head. Sometimes I get so worked up that I am visibly depressed and it affects our interactions. This will only last for a day but it's pointless and I feel like it's avoidable.

I have absolutely no reason to think like this. She shows me nothing but love and shows no signs that anything is wrong. I've accepted that this is all in my head but I just can't shake it. It was worse in the beginning of our relationship and I thought that it would eventually pass but it hasn't yet.

It's not just insecurity with regards to her cheating either. Sometimes it gets so bad that it's about sex too. There have been times that we've had sex and she's orgasmed 4, 5, 6, times... and I still feel inadequate when we're done.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? Do I need therapy? HELP!

Rosebud · #2 (**permalink**) 26-10-05, 10:43 AM

I don't think it could hurt to go to a therapist. There could be some other problems that you aren't really realizing. That's the only thing I can think of, I've never heard of soemone being so upset when everything is so good!

updraft · #3 (**permalink**) 26-10-05, 11:15 AM

I know what you're talking about Zabcz. I feel this way about my bf over 1.5 yrs. I know he would never cheat on me but I always feel insecure about the relationship and I hope I'm doing enough on my end to prevent any mishaps from happening.

I do, like you, tend to imagine things that have no basis. No reason at all for me to feel insecure or threatened about my relationship, but it tends to consume me. However, sometimes my bf comes out with silly comments like: " oh some chick at work hit on me today..." and that will start me going off on a tangent...thinking the worst like he's cheating on me at work with some slut. I of course confront him and tell him my fears and he gets all mad saying Im crazy, etc...Seeing a therapist would not be a bad thing...Its something I may consider doing myself just to get a little perspective....

#4 (**permalink**) 26-10-05, 11:13 PM

Stop being such a pansy, you pansy.

To make things simple: Your insecurities will ruin this "perfect" relationship you have. That should be enough motive to stop letting them control you, if not - guess that relationship you have isn't that great anyways, since you're basically throwing it away.

Junsui · #5 (**permalink**) 26-10-05, 11:18 PM

I do that as well sometimes. I agree with Rosebud and updraft, some therapy will probably help you out.

shh! · #6 (**permalink**) 26-10-05, 11:24 PM

I suggest that in addition to getting therapy you be sure to never act upon these feelings (no drilling her if she comes home an hour late or checking up on her). It is okay to feel jealous and not burden her with your insecurities.

zabcz · #7 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

I suggest that in addition to getting therapy you be sure to never act upon these feelings (no drilling her if she comes home an hour late or checking up on her). It is okay to feel jealous and not burden her with your insecurities.

That's an excellent point and I never get mad at her for things like that. What's weird is that this would at least make some kind of sense if there were specific events that triggered these feelings (like her coming home late or random phone calls or something). This isn't the case though! It seems (to me) to be completely random and unprovoked...

#8 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 12:09 AM

Tellin you man, you need to get that shit under control or else it will be your DOOM.

It's perfectly human to have doubts and insecurities - but like I said you have to keep it under wraps.

Junsui · #9 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 12:11 AM

That's good that you don't start questioning her or anything, but I know you can fall into depression and she will notice that. If it is bothering you and your relationship that much, go get help. I can really relate because I have been that way and still am sometimes. That fear of being abandoned can make you crazy sometimes.

Bluevetteracer · #10 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 01:57 AM

Good points here!

If I may, could you give us a brief overture of why you think this Girl is with you and why she loves you? I am sure she has said something at some time over a year as to why she loves you, how she feels about you, and so forth; could you tell us some of these?

Rosebud · #11 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 03:06 AM

Yeah I think there are some underlying issues maybe that could be affecting you, causing you to be insecure. That's why I think a therapist couldn't hurt. But if you do keep going like this it could damage your relationship, especially fi you don't know how to handle them properly.

shh! · #12 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 06:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

Good points here!

If I may, could you give us a brief overture of why you think this Girl is with you and why she loves you? I am sure she has said something at some time over a year as to why she loves you, how she feels about you, and so forth; could you tell us some of these?

Yikes, Bluevette - you made your signature
even bigger
just to spite me, didn't you?

:-)

CircleC · #13 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 07:16 AM

Hey man, I can relate to feeling insecure for no obvious reason. If you get down to it(therapy or an epiphany), like everyone has suggested, you will feel amazing relief. You won't even be able to explain the positive impact on your being. Your relationship sounds pretty solid man, congrats on looking for some help before it goes overboard.

Bluevetteracer · #14 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

Yikes, Bluevette - you made your signature
even bigger
just to spite me, didn't you?

:-)

Only 6 days for you to notice, But my heart is warmed : )

shh! · #15 (**permalink**) 27-10-05, 02:26 PM

Bluevette, clearly you missed the thread I started entitled "bluevette" (I thought you were ignoring me), but I didn't miss your sig change...

And you never responded to my posts in the metrosexual thread, so I will take that as a sign that I won.