A big turn in the journey.. - Love Forum

Journey · #1 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 05:21 AM

OK I tried to make this as brief as possible..

Met a girl - love at first sight - really. Four months of heaven. Last month she was here, before returning home for a couple months, very little contact. She had no time - busy schedule. It felt weird.

She goes home for a month. Doesn't return two emails. I actually got councelling over this time - it really hurt over two months. She comes back. After a month of being here she calls me. We go for dinner and she says she met a guy just before she left. She said she liked him.

I didn't think much of the other guy - hey I met other girls too. So I continued to call. We went out for drinks. She asks what do I think she wants - I say trust, compassion, caring etc... She says men want sex and women want security. I say I agree to a certain extent.

I am doing well for myself financially and I also do some modelling. I am one year older than her (I'm 30). I am ready at this stage to get married and have kids.

We then meet for coffee. She tells me she wants to pursue a relationship with the other guy. She tells me he is 42, has two kids and is divorced. She says she is not that close to him yet - that they haven't kissed or anything.

I say thanks for telling me - that I wish her well and that I hope she is happy (I would have liked her to tell me earlier though). She says she wants to stay friends and that I can call whenever I want. At first I say no - I can't be friends, but then I say OK.

Those close to me say give to give it one month to see how I feel. They say if I don't do anything that she will eventually call. But even if she does want to get back with me I don't know if I can.

What bugs me is what she is getting into with that guy compared to me. Maybe its my personality or something - I told her early on that I love her - maybe I made it to easy for her. I am pretty emotional sometimes.

Tell me your thoughts - I could never get back with her right? Because I know she doesn't love me? It felt like she really did.

misombra · #2 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 05:37 AM

aw journ, i'm sorry. don't stop believing. (i just can't help it.)

i say move on! she likes this other guy and still wants to be friends with you? she's gonna drag your ass along through the mud with her. you'll be the guy that she calls when her and her man are having problems. just say no journey! don't sit around and wait for this girl. if she comes back and it's the right time then it is. i say don't give up hope completely, but don't stop looking either.

whaywardj · #3 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 05:42 AM

Pick up your broken pieces and move on, buddy. Don't think ill of her, meanwhile. But don't trip over yourself saying "okay" if she happens to change her mind. Don't close any doors on someone else should SHE happen along, either.

Tone · #4 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

aw journ, i'm sorry. don't stop believing. (i just can't help it.)

i say move on! she likes this other guy and still wants to be friends with you? she's gonna drag your ass along through the mud with her. you'll be the guy that she calls when her and her man are having problems. just say no journey! don't sit around and wait for this girl. if she comes back and it's the right time then it is. i say don't give up hope completely, but don't stop looking either.

Agree here.

The other guy was probably more aggressive than you, and you now have fell into the "buddy zone". Plus... I don't think it's ever a good idea to tell someone you love them if you're not in a relationship with them.

I'd just be done with her... =/

Rosebud · #5 (**permalink**) 01-11-05, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

aw journ, i'm sorry. don't stop believing. (i just can't help it.)

i say move on! she likes this other guy and still wants to be friends with you? she's gonna drag your ass along through the mud with her. you'll be the guy that she calls when her and her man are having problems. just say no journey! don't sit around and wait for this girl. if she comes back and it's the right time then it is. i say don't give up hope completely, but don't stop looking either.

Very well put and may I add I very much agree with the wonderful Misombra!!

Journey · #6 (**permalink**) 01-11-05, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Agree here.

The other guy was probably more aggressive than you, and you now have fell into the "buddy zone". Plus... I don't think it's ever a good idea to tell someone you love them if you're not in a relationship with them.

I'd just be done with her... =/

Hey Tone,
I did have a relationship with her - In my opinion we could have developed the friendship more actually. It was pretty steamy early on. I might have told her after a couple months of going out that I loved her.
Yes your'e right, the other guy was more agressive I'm sure. I only e-mailed her twice after she left to go back home. The other guy was probably all over her.

Journey · #7 (**permalink**) 01-11-05, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

aw journ, i'm sorry. don't stop believing. (i just can't help it.)

i say move on! she likes this other guy and still wants to be friends with you? she's gonna drag your ass along through the mud with her. you'll be the guy that she calls when her and her man are having problems. just say no journey! don't sit around and wait for this girl. if she comes back and it's the right time then it is. i say don't give up hope completely, but don't stop looking either.

Thanks Misombra. I won't stop looking around. But if she wants to keep me as Plan B and eventually comes back - isn't her going with this guy a sign that she doesn't care about me that much?
The only thing I think is different with me and him is that he might be more well-to-do financially. She actually values that alot in a relationship. She thinks money can cause alot of problems. I'm not loaded but I'm doing well though!! She told me when she broke the news that she thought our philosophies towards life were different. Basically she thinks its sex for security, (more practical) and I think its all love (I'm the dreamer type).

TAVS · #8 (**permalink**) 01-11-05, 10:15 AM

You've got to move on dude. Cut all contact. Be a man about it. Listen babe, I thought we really had something going for us. If you're not interested, I've got to move on. Later, best of luck.

gHEXjt · #9 (**permalink**) 01-11-05, 10:34 AM

You definitely don't want to be Plan B. Her keeping you as Plan B is the same as saying, "You're pretty good, but I think I can find someone better." I heard the same thing myself and after thinking about it a lot, nobody deserves to be Plan B. If she treats you that way and then comes crawling back, there's no saying she wouldn't do it again. Walk away.

Ellynn · #10 (**permalink**) 01-11-05, 11:42 AM

Even though your situation seems more ideal to you or possibly other woman....there must be something there that attracts her to this other guy. Unfortunately your gonna have to let her go....and let her pursue this other guy.

There are other women out there that are looking for a guy like you.... So don't give up...