problem with Friend - Love Forum

Rosebud · #1 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 10:03 PM

Ok so as most of you know My bf and I have mutual friends, all of them I knew way before I met him and vice versa. Most of them an average of about 6-7 years. Before I met my bf one of them I got really close with, him and his Ex-wife. I know his whole family very well as they are like my second family. Well several years ago this guy had told me he had feelings for me and that I was his perfect girl. I told him I loved him very much as my friend and that Nothing could ever happen between us because of him being married and that fact that I knew his wife for now 10 years. I was very attracted to him and if he had not been married well who knows if we would have gotten together or not. But we left things as they were and even though he would always flirt and be very protective things have been fine. My bf and him are very close and have been for several years which is kinda how I met my bf. Well saturday night I went out with him and his new girlfriend and all of our friends while my bf stayed home because he had to work ( he wanted me to get out since I haven't in awhile). I love this guy's new girlfriend she is so awesome and very very sweet. This guy just got divorced last year. So we get along pretty well and I had a really good time. Well everyone got completely wasted except for me and everyone went back to this guys' house afterwards ( 7 people) and we kept drinking for awhile.

But every time his girlfriend would leave the room this guy would come over to me and kiss me on my head or give me a hug and tell me I'm such a good friend and that he loves me. But he would also kiss and hug me in front of his girlfriend as well. I know all of our friends are very protective of me and I love that about them including him. But he's also very flirtatious with all woman. But saturday night he pulled me aside and told me that he would love to have the chance to sleep with me even though we both are very happy with our current partners and he can't help the fact that he cares for me so much. now, I told him again that it could never happen between us whether we were involved with someone or not because of our history and the fact that's he's my bf's best friend. He understood but I still can't help but think this isn't over with him.

He only does things like this when he gets really drunk and I know that. And I know I have done the right thing by telling him what I have. My worries are that he will never stop trying to pursue something that could never happen. I do really care about this guy, and he has been there for me for a lot of things and I don't want to lose him as a friend. My bf doesn't know about this because I didn't want to hurt him. I know I should be honest with him but this is his best friend and while best friends should not be doing that, in their younger years they both did this to each other all the time. So how would you handle this situation? I mean do you totally avoid him at all costs and not hang out with people just because he's there? Or do I just keep shooting him down if this comes up again?

#2 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 10:59 PM

Say no as many times as you have to.

If it becomes a problem talk to him about it while he's sober and let him know it's making you uncomfortable.

Junsui · #3 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:06 PM

Yeah, what Tone said. You can't really avoid him. I would definitely talk to him about it when he's sober.

Rosebud · #4 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:06 PM

I know if it keeps coming up I'm going to say no as much as I can. And I will talk to him while he's sober if it does keep happening. Thank you Tone. I just wasn't sure if it was something I needed to share with my bf or if I should just handle it on my own. I don't want to worry my bf ya know? But at the same time i think I can handle it now without anything else coming out of this. Well I guess I just ahve to wait and see what happens. I feel better now, I hadn't told anyone about this and I felt the need to get it off my chest.

Junsui · #5 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:08 PM

I don't know about telling your bf. You don't want to cause their friendship to end or anything. I would try handling it on my own first and if that didn't work, then I would bring it up with my bf. He might be kind of upset about that though if you eventually have to tell him.

#6 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:10 PM

Yup I agree, if it becomes a persistant problem, then let your b/f know.

Rosebud · #7 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:13 PM

That's what I thought too becasue it doesn't happen all the time and everyone knows we are all very close. So ok thank you guys!

Uh OH... Ok so his girlfriend just called me to tell me she wants to talk to me but her charger isn't working so she's going to call me when she gets into work in like 20 minutes. I like her very much but I can't help be a little nervous as to what she has to say to me.

#8 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:19 PM

Tell her "WHAT - I aint no punk"

independent · #9 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:21 PM

Good advice here!

And what a cliffhanger - I'm anxious to hear how the phonecall goes, now!

#10 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:22 PM

Yeah same here... hey you have 3-way calling? I wanna hear!!

Rosebud · #11 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:25 PM

LOL Tone!! gee thanks.. I'm a little nervous here though becasue I don't know how to approach that situation with her. They ahve only been together for like 7 or 8 months. they both feel asleep on the couch and one of my other friends and i stayed up watching a stupid movie and talking and he had asked me about this other guys' actions and said it looks like you guys are very close "being sarcastic" but she may have heard some of that I don't want her to get the wrong idea of me or not want me to hang around them.. I doubt that will be the case but... god damnit, how do I get myself in these stupid sitautions????? grrrrrrrrr!

Rosebud · #12 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Yeah same here... hey you have 3-way calling? I wanna hear!!

LOL, seriously though! this is bad... I laugh a little but it's not that funny...
I'll tell you what she says as soon as she calls.. god i'm shaking I'm so curious as to what she wants to say. eeeek!!!

#13 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:27 PM

LoL things will be just fine, darlin, don't worry.

Rosebud · #14 (**permalink**) 31-10-05, 11:32 PM

ugh, I know I didn't do anything wrong, but i can't help but feel guilty! Damn has it been 20 minutes yet???

Rosebud · #15 (**permalink**) 01-11-05, 12:15 AM

OK so she called me and it wasn't anything I had expected. I guess she was so drunk she didn't remember much of the night and she wanted to apologize to me for being so drunk! Whew! LOL.. she's going to send me pictures of that night as well so maybe I'll post some of them on here. haha I got all worked up for nothing.. LOL