Am I an idiot? I still have such strong feelings for her. Hung out with her yesterday for a little bit(first time since work Sunday). She asked what I wanted for my b'day(today) My first instinct was to say 'you'. But instead I rambled something about not really wanting much, just enjoying something or other, not sure what i said. Today, she brought me a chocolate dessert that said 'happy b'day' with a few hearts. I stopped in the store and she had it there for me. Then I suggested she leave early and we go grab a bite to eat. She was hungry so we went. Over chow, she said my tone seemed different, more subdued. I tried to explain how i felt much less tense that I did for much of the time she has known me(4 months). Then I mentioned how I didn't want to fight any feelings I might start to have for her. I said I hated doing it the first time. Then I kissed her over the table. If it bugged her, she didn't say or show it at all. After we ate, went for a walk and then chilled at a little park, before she had to go off to her other job.
Another recent post made me start questioning the value of suffering for love. Is there any value in it? Opinions? Is it just an individual determination of how much one can take?
I don't know, I just feel a little crazy right now. I've always been able to switch off my feelings for a girl when things didn't go right. But I can't with her. And I've been staying busy and doing alot of other things. Is it any kind of normal that, to some degree, I think I owe her this? I wasn't really myself for so much of our 'relationship'. Since I've made this such an issue with her and made a big deal about realizing myself(at least more than before), shouldn't I endure the small amount of regret that might come for a while? I know I can't (and won't) let this bug me for very long, but right now it's fresh and I'm starting to question my feelings/thoughts...help if you can.
Only-virgins: Thanks for reading my journal!
Linear Mode
