Agh, I'm such a chicken!

[Mike]

Hah, I always knew I was like.. totally crap with girls.. but I still didn't realise I was this bad.

It may be wise to read my 1 or 2 previous threads here.

What's troubling me is, I'm unbelievably shy of girls, absolutely and completely, including when I just want to be friends! I've never had a girl really even as a friend that I can talk to in person without feeling nervous or being overly analytical. I can honestly say I know in my mind what I should do but, when it comes to it I'm just too chicken to do it.

I find it tongue-bitingly hard to start a conversation with a girl, and when one starts a conversation with me, my lack of tact is exceptional



The weekend preceding today I was texting a girl and knowing I was such a crap talker I decided to end the conversation with 'speak to you on monday', in the hope I'd just forget all my fears and do it. I had a perfect oppurtunity to talk to her. She was not talking with anyone and neither was I particularly. Yet all I did was sit there, staring at walls around her, fiddling with my lunch and such. She looked so bored. And still, all I can do is sit there nervous.

It's not unusual for me to do this either, wanting so badly to talk to a girl and just being too confused to see they don't mind if I did so



Though I still don't get for what reason exactly that I'm nervous because when completely alone with a girl I can start a conversation pretty freely - whether it's tact is another matter. It's just starting one in front of other people I find difficult.

Obviously where I'm lacking is experience, and therefore starting to talk to girls at all is an absolute necessity if I'm ever to find it easy to pluck up a topic with them. However this is just the point, I'm too scared and nothing ever seems to be getting better.

Any thoughts?

Maybe if you start seeing them for what they are, just another human being, you won't feel so nervous?

Nah, that'd be too easy.

[Junsui]

Well, he has problems talking to them in front of other people, but he's ok one on one with a girl, right? You just have to somehow stop caring about what other people think. I know easier said than done.

[Mike]

Consciously I don't believe that I do care what other people think. It's possibly just that other people become an easy excuse to avoid talking or looking at girls. I don't know. Need to do something about it though.

[Junsui]

Alright, then stop making excuses to avoid talking to girls. We won't bite, usually.

And when they do, it's a good thing ^_^

[Junsui]

That's true!

[Mike]

Lol, it's not such a conscious act that it's as easily done as said. Have you got any practical ideas for avoiding distraction and starting a conversation before I can possibly be distracted?

What is distracting you?

[mini696]

practice, practice, practice

Like Tone said, they are just another person. I think deep down you know you are afraid of coming off as a fool, because you are attracted to anything with breasts.

There is no secret formula, just be nice, and ask questions, and dont give one word answers. The art of conversation is an easy one. Dont make sarcastic jokes either, most girls think you are a rude prick if you do that all the time.

Mick

[Mike]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

What is distracting you?

As far as I can guess, my instinctive shyness is causing me to do anything but the thing I'm scared of doing, in most situations, talking to other males instead of the females I really want to. It'll sometimes be that I feel like I'm looking too tired and depressed to start a conversation with some girl, but that's more conscious and can obviously be helped.

Ahaha, 'anything with breasts', you guess right in the sense I desire any female that gives me any attention, but not for (just) the sexual reasons

Well only you can decide to get over it. We can't tell you what to say, you just have to realize that if you want to talk to a girl - you HAVE to realize some things are more important than your little fears and insecurities.

You only live once, take chances, take risks. Sure we all hate rejection, but to try and fail, is better than living with regret, is it not?

[Chuckinlove]

I was crazy shy untill I got to college and was determined not to be. I made as many friends as I could and now I could not be happier. It took me 18 years of hard work to not be shy and sometimes I still am.

[CircleC]

Tone is a smart guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tone

Well only you can decide to get over it

But first it sounds like you have to figure out what "it" is. Might be some anxiety issues. That's the feeling I get from your threads. You gotta understand anxiety, then ride it's stem down to the roots and find the cause. Then just get over it.

[mini696]

Shyness is a sign of being afraid of failure or rejection. Failure is a sign of knowing what you want are reaching out for it. Never try, and you'll never learn.