Sometimes he doesn't talk to me, what to do? - Love Forum

msunderstood20 · #1 (**permalink**) 14-10-03, 09:16 PM

My b/f and I had gone on a break a couple months ago and just recently we started dating again. Everything is going well...we hang out a couple times a week and he is really nice to me when we do. Here is the problem though...I keep an away message up at work and he signs on all the time during the day. Normally he leaves me messages and then I talk to him for a little bit. Lately though, he hasn't left me messages most of the days. And if I try talking to him, he acts weird. But then I'll see him again and things will be perfect so I'll be happy... then the week comes and things get weird again. I tried talking to his best friends g/f about this (we are friends) and she said she doesn't think it has anything to do with me. She knows he likes me a lot and she even said he thinks of me as a "goddess". If this is true though, then why does he sometimes not talk to me? I'm starting to like him a lot again and I'm worried something is going to happen. I mean, if it happened once before whats saying he won't hurt me again? Although he has proved that it won't happen many times by telling me and through actions. He has changed a lot since the first time we dated and he said that he regrets everything he did in the past. I just don't know, I've been hurt a lot lately and I just want to be happy! I don't want to say anything to him b/c its probably nothing and he might get annoyed if I bother him with it. Which is why I'm asking everyone what they think. Why do you think he is doing this? Anyone have any suggestions? Please help! Thanks!

DuckyWucky · #2 (**permalink**) 14-10-03, 09:34 PM

It probably isn't something to do with you, and maybe something to do with things going on in his life outside of you. Maybe some family issues? School? It could be anything that would affect his attitude towards you and other people as well.

Just talk to him and ask him if something's wrong. If he asks why, just tell him because it seems lately by the way things go at times, that something's up. If he doesn't know, bring to his attention some things you notice. If he gets annoyed or something just let him know you were concerned.

Argile · #3 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 01:23 AM

IMing at work is -really- not a relationship helper. Text messaging leaves a lot of room for missinterperetation.

I for one, if I'm having a bad day or am busy at work, don't want to talk.

Also, realize that having your IM up all day and -expecting- him to talk to you (which is what you're doing and why you're upset) is a violation of his personal space. The times you are apart (I know you don't want to hear this) are sanctified times for doing all the "not together" things in life. Perhaps he feels like he's obligated to message you. Men do not like to feel controled.

"I'd really appreciate any time you can spend IMing me Bill, Sometimes messages from you make me soooo happy. I don't want you to feel pressured by that though.. Only message me if you want to!"

A message like that, with Bill replaced with the name of your sweetie, should communicate your feelings pretty easily ne?

good luck!

Jay-Tea · #4 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 07:59 PM

Sometimes, men's actions are just undecipherable. No matter how much you crack your head off to figure them out completely, inconsistencies and all the other "confusing" stuff just make it all the more puzzling. Plainly, it's like, you'd have to be a god to figure out and understand other people completely. But it's not a hopeless case though. There is something you can do, and that is to control that which is within your power - yourself. No matter what the situation brings, you can always choose how you can feel or react - happy or sad, content or annoyd, confident or insecure, afraid or trusting etc. If you truly love this guy, love him not because he'll love you back. Not because he will make you happy. But love him for who he is and because he matters to you as a person - flaws and all. You see, when we learn to love unselfishly, we'll be surprised at the astounding results. Because that's thy way it works- sow love and you reap love. It's a natural thing. There is no promising of not getting hurt though. Loving always comes with vulnerability or you rather not love at all. But then, life is always so much better with love in it, don't you think?

Let your love touch his heart..and then at the right moment, you'll see, he'll simply fall for you so much more

msunderstood20 · #5 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 08:15 PM

Thank you Jay-Tea. I really enjoyed reading your reply and it definatly made a lot of sense. You're very smart

. You are right, it all depends at how you look at it. And I do love him, flaws and all, just like you said. So that should make all the difference. Thanks again!

Jay-Tea · #6 (**permalink**) 16-10-03, 12:13 PM

You're welcome...

Keep us posted

Have a great day

msunderstood20 · #7 (**permalink**) 16-10-03, 08:07 PM

I left him a message yesterday and he was online all day and never heard back from him.

So I really don't know whats going on. I'm going to keep trying though!

Jay-Tea · #8 (**permalink**) 17-10-03, 11:45 AM

oh... that doesn't sound so good

Meanwhile, why don't you try keeping yourself busy? I mean, consciously distract yourself so you won't wait on his reply too much. And at least when he does, it would be like a surprise too

Do try...but not too much. He might just be busy or preoccupied by his job or family or anything else..You wouldn't want your feelings to come out as an annoyance.

Stay cool. Smile. Be strong. Be happy.

DuckyWucky · #9 (**permalink**) 17-10-03, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Sometimes, men's actions are just undecipherable. No matter how much you crack your head off to figure them out completely

Here's how it is generally,

Men = Think with their head.
Women = Think with their heart.

Guys will never understand girls, and girls will never understand guys. We're like two different species.

msunderstood20 · #10 (**permalink**) 18-10-03, 01:30 AM

Well, he is definatly confusing. But I will try and keep myself busy (eventhough its hard). I asked him today if he wanted to hang out tonight and he said "I dunno, prolly" So I'm guessing thats not a good sign, seeing as we hang out every Friday normally. Hopefully things will work themselves out, but right now, its not looking so good.

Jay-Tea · #11 (**permalink**) 18-10-03, 02:59 PM

By the way things are at the moment, it seems that your man needs some space. It may not be about you but whatever it is, it seems that he's not ready to spill it out. I suggest, you give him the speca he needs. Tell him that you feel like something's not right beetween both of you and that something seems to be bothering him. Let him know that you're going to give him time and space to figure things out but ssure him that you're just there whenever he needs you or when he's ready to tell you what's wrong. Keep being reassuring but never demanding for anything back or overly caring to the point that the other person would feel suffocated. Sometimes, we all need to feel that we miss the one we love. What I'm saying is, maybe he just needs to miss you. Give him that chance.

jane · #12 (**permalink**) 19-10-03, 10:08 AM

[qoute )
Men = Think with their head.
Women = Think with their heart.

Its more like , men think with their johnson! lol

msunderstood20 · #13 (**permalink**) 20-10-03, 11:14 PM

Thanks for all your comments, but I don't think we are even together anymore. I had IMed him on Friday night and he called me and was really rude. I ended up hanging up on him because he spent the whole time talking to his friend. Haven't talked to, or wanted to talk to him, since. So I figure its over. And thats ok because I met someone this weekend and I'm am very happy!

Hopefully this one will actually work out for the best! Thanks again!