How do you know? - Love Forum

islandgirl · #1 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 12:33 AM

If there are any happily married/about to be married people out there, could you answer this corny question for me? How did you know that the person you married (or are about to marry) was 'THE ONE'? My friends tell me that you'll just KNOW (without going into details).

What does that mean and when does it happen? Is it the first time you meet? After one month? How do you know? Can anyone elaborate? Thanks!

Argile · #2 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 02:27 AM

Well, here's a thought for you Islandgirl...
A lot of the time, the fact that both partners FEEL that the other is "THE ONE" is what makes them the one.

There is not one person selected for each individual, there are thousands of good matches and bad matches which could potentially become life long relationships (for better or for worse).

Don't let yourself fall into the trap of believing that the person you're with temporarily "Must Be THE ONE" because they're so sweet to you, especially if it's within the first few (5) months! Boys will always be on their best not-when-I'm-married behavior for a long while after you meet them.

Hope this helps....

Killerbabe · #3 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 04:33 AM

I wouldn't say that I'm about to get married, but yes, I'm in a serious relationship, and sure enough I love my boyfriend so much I know he's the one. I mean I really, really really hope cause we've sure gone through a lot of (trust me) trials and complications already on our 3rd (only third!) month. We had to make quite a serious commitment to each other and the situation isn't getting any better but we're both willing to make it happen and I'm positively sure that everything will work out in the end. There. I hope this makes you feel like you can trust my little piece of advice

Well, first of all, it's like with love - you either have it or you don't. I remember when I was just starting to fall in love with my ex, he asked me about my first love and I told him that I wasn't sure whether I loved the guy or not, and straight away he told me something I'm glad I remembered: when you love someone, you KNOW you do. If you're not sure, then you're not there yet. Same with telling if he's "the one". You just know. Personally, I'm the kind of person that would prefer to go through a little trouble but end up with the person I love rather than make "pro's" and "con's" lists and ponder stuff like "I know I love this person, but is it worth it? he doesn't look like my dream guy" and then break up with him just because in my mind's eye I though IT would be a little different. I never want to turn my back on love.

When you know he's the ONE, you just love him to death. You don't want anyone else, you never regret anything that has been previously done in your life because you know that if it wouldn't, then maybe you wouldn't have meet your sweetie. There, I hope this helps a little.

islandgirl · #4 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 04:52 AM

Yes! Your answer really helps! And I also forgot to include those who are in a serious relationship!

#5 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 08:55 AM

I will answer this when I have more time...

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islandgirl · #6 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 12:50 PM

I'm just curious to know...because I've been in a couple relationships where both of us had that 'in love', they're 'the one' feeling only to have it disintegrate in a cloud of jealousy, possessiveness and obsession a few months later.

#7 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 02:16 PM

Okay...

I'm married. I am 29 years old and I've been married for 5 years. I've got 1 daughter and 2 step kids. I know that might come as a shock to some, but it must be noted and taken into consideration.

Do I regret my decision to get married? Like most couples, yes I do. Is that harsh? It is. Why? Because the one I married isn't the one I want to walk to the gates of heaven with.

I met someone else who actually respects me for who I am, who will laugh at my jokes, who will smile when I smile. Do I miss that? Obviously. Do I regret my decision to get married? I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't have some doubt.about it But, I know for a fact that the one thing I don't regret is my little girl. Anyone who regrets a child should rot in hell.

Do I love this other woman? Well, the only thing I can say is that it's probably inevitable. I can't stop that, and I really don't want to stop that. As for the other woman, I don't think she is wanting or willing to take it that far, and that's fine.

But I just want her to know that's how I feel. It's not how she's supposed to feel.

I can't imagine life without my new found girl though. I really can't. She's just so awesome that I just want to be with her, but at the same time I'm not goint to hold anything towards her.

I will back away if she wants me to, and after reading this message, I would suspect she'd want that.

All I can say is you'll never know if she's the right one. The only time you'll know is when you get there. As for me, I got there and realized that it was a mistake. I know I've found something better, but that's only on perspective of it.

All I can say is, I want to be with my new girl, and that's it, and I hope she understands.

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Jay-Tea · #8 (**permalink**) 15-10-03, 04:22 PM

To me, there isn't really a perfect match because a perfect person is simply inexistent. Sure we all have ideals and preferences but believe me, there won't be a person who will fit exactly. At some point, either a flaw will surface or your feelings just normally subsides and before you know it, the only thing you'll want is out. There were even some who have tried marrying more than once (or even more than twice!) but still aren't content or thoroughly happy. What I'm saying is, wether it's marriage or a serious relationship, it takes more than the happy feeling. More than the ecstasy. More than the attraction. More than the ideals, needs or expectations the other person meets. It is ultimately the individual's conscious, persevering decision to love and stay in-love no matter what. And like an author once said, it isn't really about finding the right person but mostly being the right person yourself.

Trust me, this works

jane · #9 (**permalink**) 19-10-03, 11:03 AM

I have been dying to write this for a few days. i have to say that I am a firm believer in Love at First site, however, this can happen more then once. I have almost got married twice. I only got one engagement ring though. I ended up giving it back to the man. I knew we were not ment to be. The second time, I nipped in the bud before we got a ring invovled. I would like to think that there is a special person for all of us. The one in a trillion you are supposed to be with. It's romantic and I am addicted to that belief.
I am in a bad relationship that has made me bitter about men and only because I am having a hard time trusting. I know that this will change. I have met some who makes everyday worth that. I know his situation, he knows mine and quite frankly, if we are meant to be together it will happen without even thinking about it. There will be a right one. Not neccesarily the right one forever but you never know. Keep open to the fact that there will be and maybe it will. It is for me.