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Thread: Why do guys who are ugly think they have a chance?

  1. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeffersson View Post

    i am lacking something in my brain. i cant talk with people. how is it possible to go whole life with zero friends and zero female attention and how is it possible to approached 1000+ people and none of them wanted to be even my friend or talk to me? my life is over. i am thinking about killing myself.
    I don't think you are, you can communicate how you feel and what is wrong perfectly fine to the members of this forum, re-read your own posts. You probably are so beat down over time from not getting the results you've wanted that you are feeling defeated. I don't have lots of friends anymore, pushed most away with my depression, tbh. You are telling a person who has tried to kill herself twice, about killing yourself. Doesn't solve anything other than no more trying needed, and then you feel worse when you don't succeed and back into the loop, that you shouldn't have bothered trying to kill yourself anyhow. I got a therapist, I suggest you do too. Because regular people don't give two shits, so why not pay someone who has to give two shits about you
    “Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
    ― Eckhart Tolle

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    Quote Originally Posted by pcmaster View Post
    We have a discussion here for people who need this not OP. Jefferson can find here a lot of useful info if he opens up to new possibilities and stops being so stubborn and narrow minded.
    Quote Originally Posted by lovebroken View Post
    This website is over run by trolls and fake accounts and for so long I think people just look past at this point and go with the flow of whatever the fake post is addressing.

    Thank you. Exactly my point. Look, I get that people think they are helping. But you really don't need to share with us that something was probably posted by a troll. I don't know about anybody else, but that was my first impression when I read the original post. I didn't care. The topic still interested me. And look how many responses we have had of people who were equally interested in the discussion. So who cares if the OP was a troll just trying to cause trouble? Instead of letting them, we've turned this into OUR discussion.

    Jeffersson,

    Believe me, I understand how you feel. I don't know you in real life, and haven't seen pictures of you to know how you actually look... but I'd be willing to guess you are not nearly as ugly as you think. I can understand that mindset. I've pretty much always thought myself to be ugly. If I am being honest with myself, though, I'm probably not bad looking. I'm not Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, or Bradley Cooper, or Brad Pitt for sure..... But if I am being fair I am probably not UGLY.

    But I've always thought that of myself. And for a long while I let that image I had of myself control too much of me. But, over the years I've developed better skills for accentuating the positive in myself and learning to appreciate that. I won't lie, it isn't easy. Some days it works, some days it gets REALLY hard not to just give up. But, I look at it this way... even if I try to remain positive as much as I can and it never goes anywhere... isn't the pursuit of happiness so much better than just giving into the darkness?

    If you give up, resign yourself to the belief that you'll never find happiness in life, never have friends, never find love, etc. ...Well, then you probably never will. If you try your best, then you never know what will happen. But, even if nothing does ever seem to happen for you, it at least makes it easier for you to start finding happiness in yourself.

    Believe me, I know how you feel. I know how hard it can be to see that, and how hard it can be to believe there is any hope for you. I've been where you are. So, I understand if our attempts to help fall on deaf ears (or... I guess blind eyes since this is all text based, LOL) for right now. But, at least consider what we say. At least consider giving yourself a chance. Even if you truly think love is likely to elude you the rest of your life... well, then just focus on being happy without it. When you do that... who knows? Maybe life/love will see fit to prove you wrong. But, even if you turn out to be right, at least you'll find some happiness in yourself so you don't feel you need it so much from others.

    Best of luck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CantMoveOn View Post
    I don't think you are, you can communicate how you feel and what is wrong perfectly fine to the members of this forum, re-read your own posts. You probably are so beat down over time from not getting the results you've wanted that you are feeling defeated. I don't have lots of friends anymore, pushed most away with my depression, tbh. You are telling a person who has tried to kill herself twice, about killing yourself. Doesn't solve anything other than no more trying needed, and then you feel worse when you don't succeed and back into the loop, that you shouldn't have bothered trying to kill yourself anyhow. I got a therapist, I suggest you do too. Because regular people don't give two shits, so why not pay someone who has to give two shits about you
    Haha i have re-read my posts lol, and i have compared how i write/sound like to others i am for sure more dumb, weirder and boring than all of you. i already had 4 therapists, i have 2 terapists right now, they dont give a shit about me, especially not the females ones i had, they just laughed at me.

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    Then tell them this.

    I think the only thing you really got missing are
    A positive attitude towards life people and yourself
    Some practise in talking to other people

    I understand that being alone hurts
    But there are loads of other people who hurt too
    There are hotlines you can call


    For example: maybe you are not the brightest person I have ever talked to
    But to me you don’t sound dumb
    You just sound sad and depressed and very lonely
    You don’t sound like a bad person. You just sound like someone who is pittying himself a lot. And people get annoyed by that.

    Imagine for a second another person who always is negative. Would you like to talk to them for a longer period of time? Would you enjoy it? Most people wouldn’t

    Again: you have the power to get the help you need to change your life. All you have to do is try different things.
    If you haven’t found stuff that makes it better yet - chances are that you are trying to improve or change the wrong things beliefs or skills

    Go to your therapist and talk to them about it. If they laugh at you then call them out for it
    Tell them how you feel.
    And start to be positive about making the change that you will need in order to start being a little happier

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    Jefferson is full of shit. Before he said he have no money and now says he have two therapists. Not the first time seeing him lying. Also this addititude - dont look like he had at least one therapist in his whole life.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    Quote Originally Posted by jeffersson View Post
    Haha i have re-read my posts lol, and i have compared how i write/sound like to others i am for sure more dumb, weirder and boring than all of you. i already had 4 therapists, i have 2 terapists right now, they dont give a shit about me, especially not the females ones i had, they just laughed at me.
    I mean... I think I'm pretty weird and boring, so you're not alone if you feel that way about yourself. ;-)

    And, honestly, if your therapists truly are laughing at you, then they aren't very good therapists. Frankly, if it were me I wouldn't even bother calling them out on it. The second they laughed at me, the session would end right there, I'd leave, and I'd get a new therapist. The truth of the matter is therapists aren't some magical, amazing creatures. They are human beings just like the rest of us. Which means that some of them suck, quite honestly.

    Unfortunately, it can be a lot like dating. You may find a lot of bad therapists, or ones with whom you just don't quite click. You need to find the right one. Which, believe me, I understand can be frustrating and exhausting... but if you need the help it is worth trying. As somebody who has faced his own darkness... battled his demons... I know how it feels to lose all hope. I also know how it feels to come back from that. It CAN get so much better. Even if you never get everything you want out of life, you can at least get enough to find some manner of happiness.

    Again, I'm not going to lie and say it is easy. I, for one, still struggle with it almost every day. Some days I'm so happy just in and of myself that I feel content enough where I am and don't need anything or anybody else. Some days I'm so weighed down by hopelessness and/or loneliness that I just wish it all would end. It's not easy.... but what is the alternative? I just give up and let the loneliness, the hopelessness, the darkness take me forever?

    If I do that, then I am basically guaranteeing myself soul-crushing misery for the rest of my life. I'm living proof that even when you've lived most of your life feeling the most utter hopelessness, feeling completely and irrevocably alone, you CAN turn it around for the better. I still don't think I'll ever find love. But, I'm not closing myself off to it. If my dream girl suddenly fell into my arms tomorrow I wouldn't walk away. So, I'm not giving up... I'm just not letting it control so much of how I feel about myself.

    Don't give up on yourself either, Jeffersson. I know it isn't easy, but isn't it so much easier than just giving up? I mean, sure giving up seems easy at first... but it certainly isn't easy living like that. Take it from a guy who knows.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CantMoveOn View Post
    I don't think you are, you can communicate how you feel and what is wrong perfectly fine to the members of this forum, re-read your own posts. You probably are so beat down over time from not getting the results you've wanted that you are feeling defeated. I don't have lots of friends anymore, pushed most away with my depression, tbh. You are telling a person who has tried to kill herself twice, about killing yourself. Doesn't solve anything other than no more trying needed, and then you feel worse when you don't succeed and back into the loop, that you shouldn't have bothered trying to kill yourself anyhow. I got a therapist, I suggest you do too. Because regular people don't give two shits, so why not pay someone who has to give two shits about you
    *Hugs* Glad you are having good experiences with your therapist. Only replying to you, because others are most likely fake and are trying to help yourself and don't deserve to be brushed aside. ( that guy totally ignored what you said regarding your own personal experiences)

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    Quote Originally Posted by pcmaster View Post
    Jefferson is full of shit. Before he said he have no money and now says he have two therapists. Not the first time seeing him lying. Also this addititude - dont look like he had at least one therapist in his whole life.
    nah you are the one full with shit. i never said i have zero money, i said i have little money which i get from wellfare right now. in my country terapists is not that expansive and after 5 visist you get a free-card.

    when have i lied, tell me.

    i had several terapists in my life, females and males. its not helping , they just want me to go out and do weird stuff like looking people in the eye, talk to random people on street etc and then report back to them.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Hooo! View Post
    Then tell them this.

    I think the only thing you really got missing are
    A positive attitude towards life people and yourself
    Some practise in talking to other people

    I understand that being alone hurts
    But there are loads of other people who hurt too
    There are hotlines you can call


    For example: maybe you are not the brightest person I have ever talked to
    But to me you don’t sound dumb
    You just sound sad and depressed and very lonely
    You don’t sound like a bad person. You just sound like someone who is pittying himself a lot. And people get annoyed by that.

    Imagine for a second another person who always is negative. Would you like to talk to them for a longer period of time? Would you enjoy it? Most people wouldn’t

    Again: you have the power to get the help you need to change your life. All you have to do is try different things.
    If you haven’t found stuff that makes it better yet - chances are that you are trying to improve or change the wrong things beliefs or skills

    Go to your therapist and talk to them about it. If they laugh at you then call them out for it
    Tell them how you feel.
    And start to be positive about making the change that you will need in order to start being a little happier

    the thing is that i have 100+ physical flaws, nothing matters about attitude because i have so many flaws that its over for me, even with best attitude in the world i would still be this lonely. its my flaws that is the problem not the attitude, my attitude is not greating this flaws, its my flaws that is greating my attitude. you cant tell a guy in wheelchair to go up and walk and you cant tell a guy who has 100+ physical flaws that there is nothing wrong with him and that he can get friends and a girlfriend. its not possible. you are completely deluded if you think i have any chance with anyone.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by TheEvilJester View Post
    I mean... I think I'm pretty weird and boring, so you're not alone if you feel that way about yourself. ;-)

    And, honestly, if your therapists truly are laughing at you, then they aren't very good therapists. Frankly, if it were me I wouldn't even bother calling them out on it. The second they laughed at me, the session would end right there, I'd leave, and I'd get a new therapist. The truth of the matter is therapists aren't some magical, amazing creatures. They are human beings just like the rest of us. Which means that some of them suck, quite honestly.

    Unfortunately, it can be a lot like dating. You may find a lot of bad therapists, or ones with whom you just don't quite click. You need to find the right one. Which, believe me, I understand can be frustrating and exhausting... but if you need the help it is worth trying. As somebody who has faced his own darkness... battled his demons... I know how it feels to lose all hope. I also know how it feels to come back from that. It CAN get so much better. Even if you never get everything you want out of life, you can at least get enough to find some manner of happiness.

    Again, I'm not going to lie and say it is easy. I, for one, still struggle with it almost every day. Some days I'm so happy just in and of myself that I feel content enough where I am and don't need anything or anybody else. Some days I'm so weighed down by hopelessness and/or loneliness that I just wish it all would end. It's not easy.... but what is the alternative? I just give up and let the loneliness, the hopelessness, the darkness take me forever?

    If I do that, then I am basically guaranteeing myself soul-crushing misery for the rest of my life. I'm living proof that even when you've lived most of your life feeling the most utter hopelessness, feeling completely and irrevocably alone, you CAN turn it around for the better. I still don't think I'll ever find love. But, I'm not closing myself off to it. If my dream girl suddenly fell into my arms tomorrow I wouldn't walk away. So, I'm not giving up... I'm just not letting it control so much of how I feel about myself.

    Don't give up on yourself either, Jeffersson. I know it isn't easy, but isn't it so much easier than just giving up? I mean, sure giving up seems easy at first... but it certainly isn't easy living like that. Take it from a guy who knows.

    i already give up, there is no point to have hope when there is none, i will ask for chemical castration, i think this will help me alot.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by dollhouse View Post
    *Hugs* Glad you are having good experiences with your therapist. Only replying to you, because others are most likely fake and are trying to help yourself and don't deserve to be brushed aside. ( that guy totally ignored what you said regarding your own personal experiences)
    i must agree or else i am a bad guy? lol

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    You have a problem?
    You think it is not solveable or at least you don’t know how?
    If it were solveable you would want to solve it?
    You have already tried to solve that problem in many different ways?
    Last edited by Hooo!; 13-07-18 at 04:21 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dollhouse View Post
    *Hugs* Glad you are having good experiences with your therapist. Only replying to you, because others are most likely fake and are trying to help yourself and don't deserve to be brushed aside. ( that guy totally ignored what you said regarding your own personal experiences)
    Thank you so much. I am trying hard to do right by myself lately, even with that voluntary stay previously, I even think my therapist is proud of me in a weird way.
    “Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
    ― Eckhart Tolle

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hooo! View Post
    You have a problem?
    You think it is not solveable or at least you don’t know how?
    If it were solveable you would want to solve it?
    You have already tried to solve that problem in many different ways?

    yes i think this is a problem because i feel bad about it.

    yes its not solveable, if it where then yes i would want to solve it.

    yes i did everything in my power for maany years to fix myself but with zero sucess , it was then i realised it is truly over.

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    Those above are sure signs that the solution to your problem
    1) is outside your zone of comfort
    And
    2) you have been improving and changing the wrong things.

    If you think this problem is not solveable then that is just your way of trying to cope with a problem. By having no power over it you give up your own responsibility, because “no matter what you do, it can’t be changed anyways”

    That is one way of trying to deal with a problem.
    However I think it not very useful. If you want to positively change your life you have to accept the possibility that you have to let some happiness and positivity into your life.

    I have argued with guys like you before.
    And believe me: the most difficult parts are not the attributes you are given.

    You can follow my reasoned argumentation - if you choose to. So you ain’t that stupid
    You maybe ugly, but that makes it more difficult / not impossible (as the most ugly woman proves)
    The most important thing (from my point of perspective) is for you to
    1) get a sense of self worth and positive outlook. You are worth the same as me and I believe more than some douches
    2) get outside help and trust them if you think they are worth it
    3) stand up one more time than you fall down

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    I agree with what Hooo has said above.

    Jeffersson,

    Believe me, I understand how you feel, I understand feeling like there is no hope. As I have already said, I don't necessarily agree with you that there is no hope for you. BUT... if you truly feel that way, and nothing any of us says could convince you to even entertain the possibility that you are wrong...

    Well, then maybe right now the focus for you should be on learning how to accept that and be happy anyway. At least for the interim, maybe you should imagine as though you are correct and nothing ever will change.... and decide what you can do to be happy anyway. If you learn to be anyway, you never known what could happen. That has such wonderful results and changes a person so positively that you could even ultimately be proven wrong after all. You could find love, find good friends, etc. etc. even when you thought you never would. But, even if you don't, you at least find happiness within yourself.

    I always think of it kind of like this. Let's pretend for a moment you grew up your whole life wanting to be a rock star. You dreamed of it every day of your life. It was all you ever wanted. ....But you grow up, you give it a try.... and you learn that, unfortunately, you just suck. You can't play guitar, you can't sing, you suck at the drums... you literally just do not have a single ounce of musical talent no matter how badly you want it. Well... you have basically two options. A) You are miserable for the rest of your life and always feel unfulfilled. You are bitter, and angry, and hurt every day of your life because you can never achieve your dream. B) You learn to begrudgingly accept that you just don't have the musical talent you'd need, so instead you find other things that make you happy. Other things that make you feel fulfilled. Sure, part of you will always be a little sad you didn't get to achieve that particular dream.... but you'll learn to move on and accept it.

    I don't know about you, but I'd certainly rather at least TRY to find happiness than to just give in to misery for the rest of my life. Honestly, I'm sort of facing that myself now. No, I never had any interest in being a rock star. LOL! But, a large part of me has always wanted love very badly. It almost felt like my calling in life. But, somehow it just never happens for me. Somehow it seems completely hopeless for me. I fought that for so long, and it only ever made me so unbelievably miserable.

    I've found a lot more happiness these days by accepting it. Instead, I've taken the approach of "Okay... so what if it IS hopeless for me... what if love just isn't meant for me? Then what do I do now?" I did NOT want that answer to be I live the rest of my days horribly miserable and hating every millisecond of my existence. So, I've instead been learning to be happy anyway. It works some days, some days are harder. But, it is worth the effort to try, rather than to just give into the darkness. And, like I said, maybe some day life will prove me wrong after all. Maybe love will find me no matter how much I think it never will. I'm not going close myself off to the possibility at all. I'm just working on taking away its power to hurt me.

    Maybe you can't do that right now. For love or whatever other demons you are facing. I hope you can soon enough, though. Because everybody deserves to find some kind of happiness. Even if maybe it wasn't in the way they initially hoped. Best of luck.

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    Yes, it's a troll topic, but it still had a good discussion as a result of it. And an interesting topic so.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GLYC View Post
    Yes, it's a troll topic, but it still had a good discussion as a result of it. And an interesting topic so.
    Exactly my point. I think most of us knew or were at least pretty sure the OP was just trolling us... but look at the conversation it has turned into anyway. So, who cares if it was initially started as a troll meaning to troll us? In this instance, we didn't feed into the troll at all... we instead turned this into our own conversation. We've even been helping, or at least trying to help, somebody who has been suffering from these very same kind of doubts.

    So, I think we made something worthwhile out of what was probably started just intending to annoy people. Heck, that's maybe even a better way to respond to trolls. LOL! Instead of just ignoring them, take their feeble attempts to annoy people and instead turn them into interesting and constructive conversations.

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