Cheated, now what? - Page 2 - Love Forum

Fyesteema4 · #16 (**permalink**) 25-11-05, 02:04 AM

Okay, this post has gotten way off base in my mind. Its really hard to portray your issue in a post when you want to keep it short and simple as possible. I am definitely not neglecting my boyfriend and going out INSTEAD of hanging out with him.

Most of the time its him always wanting to go to the bar, or go play poker with his friends or even go to his friends parties, where I am not invited, or not old enough to get in. Its always an open invitation for him to come out with me, but its kinda understood that hes not into that. Theres been many times when I've been ditched, or he'll promise to call me and I won't hear from him all night-this issue we've adressed a lot. He knows its important to me that since I can not be with him when he's out-that I want to hear from him to know whats he's doing.

As for the "cheating." Which maybe I should clarify, but maybe it doesn't matter. I have kissed 2 guys. And they could hardly be called anything more than pecks, it was never out of passion, or attraction, but more of like a friendly "MUAH" or goodbye thing. Maybe that doesn't make it any better, but it really has nothing to do with me going out, but me being friendly, and too much of a flirt..which obvisously is one of my flaws.

Going out for me is all about being with my girlfriends, Its not about guys, i almost never even dance with guys at clubs, its just about having fun with my friends-I think thats really important. He's not mad at me for going out, nor am I mad at him for going out...thats really not the issue.

Maybe I did mean to hurt him when I told him. I guess I haven't had faith in our relationship. I've just been unhappy because I want to feel like I'm an important part of his life and that he values me, and enjoys being around me. But when he's so defensive and mean...i feel that he is only like that because he is loosing interest in me.

whaywardj · #17 (**permalink**) 25-11-05, 02:38 AM

Okay, then. Setting any boy-kissing aside as being irrelevant, I'd be wondering why I'd gotten myself involved in a relationship where age differences and the life-style choices they entail creates problems and, if I HAD given that thought beforehand, I'd now be wondering why he, who has more flexibility in the matter than you, isn't doing more to compensate for the barriers to togetherness your age difference seems to be causing. I'd be particularly interested to know why I'm not getting invited to his friend's parties, where your respective ages shouldn't be an issue.

ecm · #18 (**permalink**) 25-11-05, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fyesteema4

Recently we've been getting into big fights. Sometimes I feel he acts disrepectful and cruel, I'll say something to him and he'll get so defensive and angry, in turn I get really upset and start to question the relationship, and when/if I start to cry, he just ignores me. I just feel like we're not on the same "team" anymore.

During our last fight it got so heated I ended up telling him how I have kissed a couple guys at parties, one including my ex. Something that I had been feeling so guilty about but never knew if it was worth it to tell him He was incrediably upset and mad, he cried and he punched a wall...honestly I guess in the back of my head I kind of felt that if he found out he wouldn't care.

Couples fight, that's normal. And I'm not going to condone the kissing of other guys, no matter how innocent or minor the kiss.

However, being a writer I read a lot into the words people use and you used the word "cruel" and you've mentioned some serious anger -- not that I might not punch a wall if my gf kissed another guy.

I'm just concerned about how heated it your fights seem to be getting. I think you guys need to take a step back, cool your heels, and and think hard about if you want the relationship to continue. If you decide you do, you absolutely MUST get to the root of the problems and resolve them, or it just isn't going to work.

There just seems to me to be a lot of anger and hard feelings in this relationship, and they don't develop overnight and for no reason.