Relationship Effort - Love Forum

StrictlyProf · #1 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:20 PM

Hello Everyone,

I am thankful to find this site as there are many wonderful people as yourselves to offer advice to others. Essentially, my situation is I have been dating a girl for about 2 months now and we have established we are in a relationship. She asked if I consider her my girlfriend and I agreed and she said she would consider me her BF to her friends etc.

That being said I find it strange that we talk very briefly during the day only in the evenings or late at night. Often I am tired and she has work / school but I figured if you are in a relationship you should make an effort to talk to the person or want to see them. I am busy as well but I mean I txt message her or call her but sometimes I find I am doing way to much so I back off.

A couple times I told her lets go do something she agrees but then I never hear her say "I want to see you" ... As the Man should I be putting in effort in the beggining till she feels comofrtable. I just hate games thats all and I am playing it now slightly because I don't want to come across needy (I see her once a week) thats kind of casual dating I think. I travel and stuff for work but still try my best. Should I pull away or start dating this other girl I met. I want to be straight up with her but at the same time not show her I am tooo Into her ... She expressed interest in me tons in the beggining now this BS.

Help Folks!

Thanks in advance!

Debunkt · #2 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:23 PM

If you told her you want to be considered her boyfriend, you SHOULD be too into her. If you're not that into her, and are even considering dating someone else, I suggest you not be her boyfriend.

Tone · #3 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:25 PM

Then lay it all on the table. Talk to her.

I don't think it's that big a deal being you guys are only a couple months into the relationship... she's probably just pretty shy. It sounds like you guys just haven't even really got to know each other yet, know what I mean? Almost like your friends set you up and you guys just decided "Okay we're dating."

I think a small little trip away together, like a mini vacation somewhere would be great for you! It would give you guys a lot of time to spend together and get to know each other better!

Otherwise I'd suggest just talking to her. Be honest, man.

StrictlyProf · #4 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:26 PM

Thanks Debunkt for the reply. She is the one however who mentioned " are we in a relationship" ... ie. Hinting at me saying "yes you are my girlfriend" ... The topic was initiated by her. Thats why I thought she would want to put effort. But she doesn't put that much.

Junsui · #5 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:27 PM

Yeah, I agree. Why are you considering dating someone else? Maybe she's not all that comfortable in the relationship yet. Give her some time.

StrictlyProf · #6 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:31 PM

Tone,

You think being straight up will not make me seem desperate? ... I really like her but want to get to know her more. She keeps telling me "we know eachother well" ... always willing to listen to me and my probs with work occasionally. We took a trip to Niagara together last week. She ditched school I left work and we went. What an awesome day. walked around , acted silly almost like kids, had dinner and headed home. after that we talked for a few days after alot but then slowly drifited back into the pattern. You see Tone the thing is I just kiss / make out with her haven't done much else, I think I need to do more with her in order to reeally establish the whole relationship thing. But she is or at least acts like a "proper girl" would take a while. Plus her folks are slightly strict so her ability to leave for a couple days would never happen. She is 23 I'm 26.

Any additonal advice always appeciated. Thanks Tone!

Tone · #7 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:36 PM

Ah okay, yeah more info is good. More info makes us understand the situation better.

I'll stick with the give it time theme. It's still a pretty new relationship. But why be in the relationship if you can't be honest about your feelings? I don't think that makes you seem desperate at all. Just bein honest.

I'd personally give it a bit more time, see what happens. And if nothin changes after another month or so then have the talk.

StrictlyProf · #8 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:45 PM

Thanks Tone. That sounds better I think.

Basically I just am frusrated at speaking only once a day and late at night it interfers with work for me. I was a little blunt last night and said "I'm falling asleep good night". She called at 12:15am. Thats just silly to me. I'm seeing her on Friday night, shes comin over to cook dinner and watch a movie. I have to make some more moves. But also establish this seems more casual at the moment then relationship.

Junsui · #9 (**permalink**) 09-11-05, 11:50 PM

I agree with Tone. Talk to her, that doesn't make you seem desperate to me. I still say give it more time. It's only been 2 months! You think you have to have sex with her in order to get her to open up more? I don't think that's it. She sounds similar to how I am in the beginning of a relationship. Let her know to call you earlier.

RoSe MaRiE · #10 (**permalink**) 10-11-05, 12:24 AM

and easy on the moves! if all you been doing is kissing then be fully dressed when you greet her at the door! lol

I'm like that to Junsui! Give her time. And maybe while your watching a movie, if its a couple moving and you see the couple hanging out alot u can something like... wouldn't it be great if we can do this more often or spend more time together?... see what she says. Good luck!

TaKe CaRe!

mhussain · #11 (**permalink**) 10-11-05, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrictlyProf

she said she would consider me her BF to her friends etc.

to her friends???????

mate, be straight up and tell her how you feel. if she says nothing and remains the same, i am sure you are nice enough guy to find someone nice enough to be nice to you *hey that actually made sense*

and you are worried about being desparate? why? if you cant be desparate about what you love, about wanting someone you care about so much, than what is there to be desparate about????

Tone · #12 (**permalink**) 10-11-05, 05:19 AM

Preach, Hussain, preach!!

DiggityDogg · #13 (**permalink**) 10-11-05, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrictlyProf

Hello Everyone,

I am thankful to find this site as there are many wonderful people as yourselves to offer advice to others. Essentially, my situation is I have been dating a girl for about 2 months now and we have established we are in a relationship. She asked if I consider her my girlfriend and I agreed and she said she would consider me her BF to her friends etc.

That being said I find it strange that we talk very briefly during the day only in the evenings or late at night. Often I am tired and she has work / school but I figured if you are in a relationship you should make an effort to talk to the person or want to see them. I am busy as well but I mean I txt message her or call her but sometimes I find I am doing way to much so I back off.

A couple times I told her lets go do something she agrees but then I never hear her say "I want to see you" ... As the Man should I be putting in effort in the beggining till she feels comofrtable. I just hate games thats all and I am playing it now slightly because I don't want to come across needy (I see her once a week) thats kind of casual dating I think. I travel and stuff for work but still try my best. Should I pull away or start dating this other girl I met. I want to be straight up with her but at the same time not show her I am tooo Into her ... She expressed interest in me tons in the beggining now this BS.

Showing control is not playing games. You should not be texting all of the time and chatting it up over the phone. Couples have real conversations in person. Talking about everything over the phone leaves no room for a real connection and chemistry.
Maybe this girl is shy, but she should still be putting in some effort. It's still relatively early in the relationship so I wouldn't get spaztic about it, but you can mention it to her. Ask her what she wants to do once and awhile. If she doesn't answer then tell her that she is just going to have to do what you want then until she can learn to speak up for herself.

DiggityDogg · #14 (**permalink**) 10-11-05, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrictlyProf

You think being straight up will not make me seem desperate? ... I really like her but want to get to know her more. She keeps telling me "we know eachother well"

She keeps telling you that? If she keeps telling you that then what you are saying is that you keep asking her about it or bringing the subject up. Quit being insecure in your relationship and just relax.

If you aren't happy in it then communicate.

blackiesharley · #15 (**permalink**) 10-11-05, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mhussain

and you are worried about being desparate? why? if you cant be desparate about what you love, about wanting someone you care about so much, than what is there to be desparate about????

I agree with that 100%. Damn it if you want somebody I say go for it, if it looks like you're desperate, then that's THEIR problem, not yours. You have a right to know where you stand, otherwise, move on to the next one that WILL appreciate you.

Maybe I'm cynical, but I'm SO tired of playing all these baby games at this point in my life. I've gotten to the point of 'Look, I'm gonna be myself. If you don't want me, somebody else will.' Maybe I'll meet them tonight, maybe next year, but I WILL meet them eventually.

Life's too short....