being led on?

[Bluevetteracer]

Duty Officer

Officer Of the Deck

[whaywardj]

Oh. "Duty Officer" I know from the C.I.A.

Was planning a trip to Guatemala some years back and called State for a travel advisory. Couple of days later, I get a call from the Duty Officer, I figure at the State Department; had a little chat about where I was going, who I was seeing and so on; and got a "cautious" okay and a number to call back in case I had any other questions.

Then, knowing at the time someone who was in the diplomatic corps doing a local tour of duty in my locale, and never having heard him use that term relative to himself or anyone he worked with, I got curious. I sussed out the number in the yellow pages and found out it was for the local C.I.A. office. I got pissed. NOT because the C.I.A was sniffing around me, but because the Duty Officer would be so dumb as to leave me a number I could look up in the friggin' yellow pages. How covert.

Interestingly, a few days later, a local gas company guy shows up at my doorstep in an unmarked car wanting to install a usage meter on my gas line. They were doing "reading reliability tests." I gave the spook a withering look and just pointed to my garage, which happened to be open 'cause I'd just come up from woodworking in it to take a whizz. After he left, I searched the gas line VERY thoroughly and found nothing. I left the telephone wires to hell alone.

True story.

[Bluevetteracer]

Well, for me it means working schedules, answering calls, bailing people out of jail, etc.

[whaywardj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

Well, for me it means working schedules, answering calls, bailing people out of jail, etc.

Sounds like LIMA 5 Admin work. BORRRRING!

[rockin_rio]

Quote:

Originally Posted by whaywardj

I thought I offered my impressions in post #4. But if it's something more specific you're after, you have to be a little more specific about what you're asking. Your initial post appears to have a few gaps in it.

For example, I don't know how one instance of him, perhaps clumsily, trying to give you space constitutes "mucking" you about. I don't know how, at a time when he's "ignoring" you, you got from "getting home" to "seeing him." I don't know what you mean by "what's kind of happened." (What DID happen?) Little things like that.

Actually, as your first post stands, it sounds as if you're being a little hyper-sensitive to any "errors" he might commit. As if you're looking for them.

Ok let me try and make it a bit clearer but be warned it might be long. I kind of summed up in the first post what's happened. Basically from the beginning, we've been getting to know each other (mainly on MSN, he is in my halls at uni so I do see him around), and from the beginning he's always been insistant that he's not just wanting sex. Let me say now, he has been with quite a few girls, not necessarily with girlfriends though. He has mentioned a number of times how he really 'wants me' but then knows he can't and doesnt want to 'cross any boundaries' with me. The times we have met up have mainly been when Ive finished work in the evening and some of the times, I think he will have had a few drinks those nights, but hey we're students so what do you expect...I guess the reason why I now think that hes been mucking me about is kind of because this has been going on for 6 weeks now yet to be honest there isn't really any sign (apart from studd he's said like that whole compatibility thing) that he wants anything more than sex, EVEN though he has said that's not what he's after. Ever since the xmas ball 2 weekends ago, which he said hed see me at, yet didnt even come over to speak to me, Ive just thought I cant be bothered with him mucking me about, and perhaps not being honest about what he really wants....? So I was like right Im going to get over him and just forget about him. Hence me not speaking to him, saying that he didnt speak to me either. I did mentiona couple of weeks ago that I really wanted to have a talk with him...he got the point that it was quite important yet we didnt get the chance to talk. Anyway, so the other night when I saw him coming out of my block in my halls of residence, was just like 'oh great...lets see what he does this time...see if he ignores me'(which is the impression I got on what hed been doing all week to me). So we kind of started tallking, he asked me what the 'important chat' was about, i confronted him about ignoring me online and not texting me. He made up some excuse bout not having credit (not true cos hed sent me a fwd xmas text), then confronted him about the ball and ignoring me there....so yeah...i dunno really....i dont know whether that has cleared up any gaps to perhaps give you a better picture on which to base any help....hopefully!

[rockin_rio]

oh yeah, (and this will probably sound quite petty, but I want to include it so you know as many of the details) the night after the xmas ball, I talked to him online acting as normal and pretending I wasnt annoyed with him about ignorin me....and then randomly in the msn conversation he said 'are you mad at me or something?'. I didnt give any hint to him in the conversation that i was mad at him so he must have been aware of the fact that his actions (or no-actions) the night before might have made me angry. Anyway I said 'well yeah a little' and he didnt end up replying to that...and later on went offline. So later that night I text him when I was back from work kind of like normal askin him how his night had been and if I could go over and see him, and he never replied...so that was when I decided Id had enough....and then didnt speak to each other until the other night.

[Hugo Pickle]

Well sweetie, from what you have, posted I stick with my original post. I think this guy is a young horned dog like I was, and so many other guys are. When you’re a young man and you get some chicks, then getting sex becomes the biggest thing on your mind. You know from experience (although limited) that chicks will sleep with you, so, you all most instinctively look for the ones that will sleep with you and give you the least amount of trouble in the process. Now it isn’t always this way but it happens a lot. A young guy is rarely focused on “the one” if he is able to get sex easily form the regular babes.

I think your guy does not have the experience or maturity to even admit that all he wants to sleep with you and your not someone that he thinks he wants to marry. This may sound hard sweet heart, but many young guys who are able to get sex regularly are not actively looking for a wife. They are looking to have fun and sex, not marriage. Women on the other hand don’t seem to have this view of things, especially the first time. Some times you want to be serious with someone but they don’t want to be serious with you. Other times, the opposite will happen. Just life I suppose.

I still recommend what I said earlier. Let this guy go. You never know, maybe in a year you will see each other and things will be different; but right now, he is in horned dog mode and you will not be happy with the results. Do not tell the next guy that you are a virgin until you are in the sack with him and you tell him before you do anything. Trust me, this will change things for the better or you will know at the last minuet that this guy doesn’t care about you. If you then get the feeling like he doesn’t care about you tell him to get off you, right then. Trust me, respect yourself and other people will too, if they don’t, **** them, they wouldn’t respect you anyway so let them go.

[rockin_rio]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hugo Pickle

Well sweetie, from what you have, posted I stick with my original post. I think this guy is a young horned dog like I was, and so many other guys are. When you’re a young man and you get some chicks, then getting sex becomes the biggest thing on your mind. You know from experience (although limited) that chicks will sleep with you, so, you all most instinctively look for the ones that will sleep with you and give you the least amount of trouble in the process. Now it isn’t always this way but it happens a lot. A young guy is rarely focused on “the one” if he is able to get sex easily form the regular babes.

I think your guy does not have the experience or maturity to even admit that all he wants to sleep with you and your not someone that he thinks he wants to marry. This may sound hard sweet heart, but many young guys who are able to get sex regularly are not actively looking for a wife. They are looking to have fun and sex, not marriage. Women on the other hand don’t seem to have this view of things, especially the first time. Some times you want to be serious with someone but they don’t want to be serious with you. Other times, the opposite will happen. Just life I suppose.

I still recommend what I said earlier. Let this guy go. You never know, maybe in a year you will see each other and things will be different; but right now, he is in horned dog mode and you will not be happy with the results. Do not tell the next guy that you are a virgin until you are in the sack with him and you tell him before you do anything. Trust me, this will change things for the better or you will know at the last minuet that this guy doesn’t care about you. If you then get the feeling like he doesn’t care about you tell him to get off you, right then. Trust me, respect yourself and other people will too, if they don’t, **** them, they wouldn’t respect you anyway so let them go.

Hey, thanks for the advice. Yeah I guess deep down i did know all that stuff...i think i just needed to hear someone else tell me it! I think I was kind of hoping that perhaps it would change, but nah I see now that he's not worth it and I'll definately be waiting until i meet someone who respects me and treats me well! Just one more question though....why has he kept this going for 6 weeks???

[Hugo Pickle]

As a young guy he is not thinking one thing or another. He is not thinking to himself I only want to screw this girl, or I want to be totally serious with this girl. What a young guy does is tries to have sex with a woman first and then usually thinks about weather or not he "really" likes her. This is why so many women give it up to guys that they really shouldn't give it up to. The girl over time knows that at first most guys just want the sex and only after they’ve had a taste will they start to get serious.

But that’s not the truth. A guy can think serious from the get go and the harder a women forces him to do that the better the chances that the guy will change his thinking. As a woman you have to realize that you are generally going to be the one thinking long term, not the guy. So you have to spend the time trying to get him to appreciate you. More often than not this will mean that you will have to let them go at first but do it softly and leave the door open. The best girls that i have ever been with were the ones who played hard to get even when the first relationship went sour. The only girl I have ever asked to marry me was one that took many months and a break up or two to finally get her in the sack. I still respect her a lot to this very day.

You think that if you break up with someone then you will never see them again, not true, you will often run across people you have dated before. If you do things by instinct and not compromise than you can see these people again and try things over and not feel ashamed or hurt because you stopped things in time and did not loose control of what you really wanted.

Good luck sweet heart, its not easy, it is the hardest game in life. You will make mistakes and so will others, just try to stick to your guns and go by instinct.

[rockin_rio]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hugo Pickle

As a young guy he is not thinking one thing or another. He is not thinking to himself I only want to screw this girl, or I want to be totally serious with this girl. What a young guy does is tries to have sex with a woman first and then usually thinks about weather or not he "really" likes her. This is why so many women give it up to guys that they really shouldn't give it up to. The girl over time knows that at first most guys just want the sex and only after they’ve had a taste will they start to get serious.

But that’s not the truth. A guy can think serious from the get go and the harder a women forces him to do that the better the chances that the guy will change his thinking. As a woman you have to realize that you are generally going to be the one thinking long term, not the guy. So you have to spend the time trying to get him to appreciate you. More often than not this will mean that you will have to let them go at first but do it softly and leave the door open. The best girls that i have ever been with were the ones who played hard to get even when the first relationship went sour. The only girl I have ever asked to marry me was one that took many months and a break up or two to finally get her in the sack. I still respect her a lot to this very day.

You think that if you break up with someone then you will never see them again, not true, you will often run across people you have dated before. If you do things by instinct and not compromise than you can see these people again and try things over and not feel ashamed or hurt because you stopped things in time and did not loose control of what you really wanted.

Good luck sweet heart, its not easy, it is the hardest game in life. You will make mistakes and so will others, just try to stick to your guns and go by instinct.

ok, so are you kind of saying that in the end he might change his mind and decide that he does want a relationship? Should I just let him go for now....with the thought that I'll find another guy but that I might see him in the future at some point and want to give things another go....? I'm sorry, I'm slightly confused!!

[Hugo Pickle]

Yeah that’s exactly what I’m saying. As you pull away because he is thinking with his dick, then he will hopefully begin to realize that you are more than just some new virgin lay. But you have to realize that he might not ever feel this way or might take a month or two or even a year before he does. But if you give into his wants when everything about you tells you that he just wants some ass then your chances of him thinking long term about you are less, not more.

But I say this only because you are a virgin right now and what you have posted about this particular guy. As you get older and more experienced in dating you will learn how to use your womanly ways better to get what you want. Sometime in the future you might choose to give it up to a guy in order to risk things for more. But not right now, not with this guy. Sounds to me like you have never turned down a guy you like before and you first need to try that. You need to learn how to judge when a guy is just wanting your ass and not you as a whole.

Turn this guy down easy like I said and you should see a difference in him over time, sure you may end up dating him again, hell he may later be the one for you and make you happy your whole life, but you instinctively know right now that he is not in line with that thinking at the moment.

[Hugo Pickle]

Also rio, realize that I am a guy, you should talk to women about this, I have never dated a guy before and do not plan to so my opinions are from a guys point of view. Have you tried talking to your mom, I think you should, you might be surprised to learn that your mom will might be a great person to talk to about this.

I never talked to my dad or mom about these things until I was 24, but man I wished I had a lot sooner. Course they probably would have been different about it too.

[rockin_rio]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hugo Pickle

Yeah that’s exactly what I’m saying. As you pull away because he is thinking with his dick, then he will hopefully begin to realize that you are more than just some new virgin lay. But you have to realize that he might not ever feel this way or might take a month or two or even a year before he does. But if you give into his wants when everything about you tells you that he just wants some ass then your chances of him thinking long term about you are less, not more.

But I say this only because you are a virgin right now and what you have posted about this particular guy. As you get older and more experienced in dating you will learn how to use your womanly ways better to get what you want. Sometime in the future you might choose to give it up to a guy in order to risk things for more. But not right now, not with this guy. Sounds to me like you have never turned down a guy you like before and you first need to try that. You need to learn how to judge when a guy is just wanting your ass and not you as a whole.

Turn this guy down easy like I said and you should see a difference in him over time, sure you may end up dating him again, hell he may later be the one for you and make you happy your whole life, but you instinctively know right now that he is not in line with that thinking at the moment.

hey thanks very much for all the advice. It's been really helpful! I'll definately come back here if i need more advice from you!

[Rosebud]

I just want to add. Don't feel bad on telling him your a virgin. That was your choice to be that way and how other people interpret that or how that makes them feel is irrelevant. That's your choice and I imagine your very proud of it. Which is very good. There could be a million reason as to why he has suddenly backed off. In any case I would not waste any more time on him as he has not shown you that's really internested in you.

Trust me, there are lots of guys out there that know how to respect someone and I'm sure you'll find one.