being led on?

[rockin_rio]

hi ok i'll give you a rundown of what's happened - it's really confused me and I just want some advice as to what this guy wants and/or what I should do.

Ok, so i've been kind of getting to know this guy for the past 6 weeks. He says he's really into me and has said loads of things to suggest that he perhaps does want a relationship like eg the other day we were talking on msn and i asked him when his birthday is and he was like 'u shud check our compatibility' and went on about it for quite a while. We've talked about sex-and from the very beginning he knew that i didn't just want that. he's been with quite a few girls and he knows that im a virgin. he says that that doesnt matter to him. he's also mentioned quite a few times at how he 'wants me so bad but doesnt want to cross any boundaries'.i said to him what just wanting sex? and he was like 'no,no. i dont know how else to prove that thats not what im wanting.' For the past week he hasnt talked to me and Id got to the point where i was determined to forget about him - im sick of being mucked about by him. as i got home last night i saw him and he was askin me about what the 'important chat' was that id wanted to have with him. i refused to have it then cos i think he'd had a few to drink. anyway, i confronted him bout the whole ignorin me thing online - he said his internet hadnt been workin - not true! i said well is ur phone broken? he was like - ive got no credit -im on a student budget! then i confronted him about the whole ignoring me last weekend at the xmas ball (which he'd said he'd see me there) and he said that he wasnt ignoring me but just didnt want to interrupt me! i said to him at the end of the conversation last night that he's got alot of making up to do...and he was like i can do anything you want now to make it up...and i was just like 'no'. he then said 'well we can talk about it tomorrow if you want...' so i was like 'yeah ok'. So now, basically....im confused as to what he's wanting and what i should do....i just don't know...i just cant be bothered with his muckin me about. but i do really like him and now that he spoke to me last night now i really dont know what he's wanting....would love any hints/advice!

[Hugo Pickle]

Well you should not have told him that you are a virgin. That kind of puts a guy in a different mindset than normal, especially a younger guy. When you said that to a guy who is not a virgin it is almost impossible not to want to have at her so to speak just because it would be her first time and that’s always fun and exciting and weird and all that at the same time. It is also quite fun for a guy who has been with other chicks to show things to a virgin for the first time. The whole notch in the belt thing comes into play.

At the same time, saying virgin adds a whole lot of baggage and feeling into things that guys with experience really don’t want to deal with unless the girl is someone you would ask to marry you. As much as guys want to be with a virgin, they don’t want to deal with all the assumptions and clinging and hurt that being with a virgin can bring if you’re not really serious about them.

I recommend not having sex at all because I think this guy fits the bill of someone who would have sex with you but is not really serious at all about a long term relationship. If you tell a new guy that you’re a virgin early on you will most likely have this problem. Don’t tell people you are a virgin if you don’t want to be screwed as a notch and then dumped because of baggage. Obviously you will tell them but don’t do it for as long as you can, when he asks you about sex just talk about it in general terms and don’t mention how many people that you have been with.

Here is how you can tell if he is serious with you, don’t give him any at all, period. Only kiss and caress no tit grabbing, no crotch grabbing or heavy contact. I mean for months, if you still go out after 6 months of only dating and kissing and generally caressing then good. But if only a few weeks go by and you get the feeling that if you don’t give him anything then he will dump you then oh well let him go. Well sorry sweet heart but that’s usually what happens. But it is for the best, being with a bunch of guys is not usually best for women. Trust me it is much easier for a young woman to get another boyfriend who will care about them then it is to get over all that first time heartache and hurtful feelings and such.

good luck

[rockin_rio]

Well you should not have told him that you are a virgin. That kind of puts a guy in a different mindset than normal, especially a younger guy. When you said that to a guy who is not a virgin it is almost impossible not to want to have at her so to speak just because it would be her first time and that’s always fun and exciting and weird and all that at the same time. It is also quite fun for a guy who has been with other chicks to show things to a virgin for the first time. The whole notch in the belt thing comes into play.

At the same time, saying virgin adds a whole lot of baggage and feeling into things that guys with experience really don’t want to deal with unless the girl is someone you would ask to marry you. As much as guys want to be with a virgin, they don’t want to deal with all the assumptions and clinging and hurt that being with a virgin can bring if you’re not really serious about them.

I recommend not having sex at all because I think this guy fits the bill of someone who would have sex with you but is not really serious at all about a long term relationship. If you tell a new guy that you’re a virgin early on you will most likely have this problem. Don’t tell people you are a virgin if you don’t want to be screwed as a notch and then dumped because of baggage. Obviously you will tell them but don’t do it for as long as you can, when he asks you about sex just talk about it in general terms and don’t mention how many people that you have been with.

Here is how you can tell if he is serious with you, don’t give him any at all, period. Only kiss and caress no tit grabbing, no crotch grabbing or heavy contact. I mean for months, if you still go out after 6 months of only dating and kissing and generally caressing then good. But if only a few weeks go by and you get the feeling that if you don’t give him anything then he will dump you then oh well let him go. Well sorry sweet heart but that’s usually what happens. But it is for the best, being with a bunch of guys is not usually best for women. Trust me it is much easier for a young woman to get another boyfriend who will care about them then it is to get over all that first time heartache and hurtful feelings and such.

good luck

thanks for the advice. yeah i can see where you're coming from about the whole virgin thing. I didn't tell him I was a virgin he asked me and i kind of hinted at it in a round about way. so that's how that came about. You know how you said about if this is still like this after months...i agree with that...but you know, I would have thought that if I guy was just after sex and he knows that he's not getting it from me then why would he continue to hang around after 6 weeks? Surely he could get it much easier from someone else if that's all he was after?? He also mentions quite a lot how he 'really wants me but doesnt want to cross any boundaries with me' - he's said that a few times now...i just cant understand what hes wanting!

[whaywardj]

The idea that all guys think of virgins as a potential notch on their cocks is utter nonsense and playing the hard to get game is an infantile undertaking. I'd follow my instincts in the matter. Not my curiousity or my desires.

As near as I can tell from your post, your instincts have already told you to throw this fish back to the pond he came from because he a) causes you feel confused; b) makes you wonder if he drinks to the point of losing his better judgment; and c) you suspect him of lying. None of which portend positive outcomes were you to become more involved with one another, and are very shaky elements from which to depart into deeper waters in any case.

Your virginity or lack of it shouldn't have anything to with anything. That's just a feature of your life that comes with you...which should have everything to do with everything: whether someone is interested in YOU, not in who they might imagine you are, or in what they might think you bring with you.

On the other hand, six weeks of intermittent contact is a ridiculously short span of time in which to draw any hard or fast conclusions about anything. I'd spend considerably more time getting the rhythm of things down before I did anything I might, later, wish I hadn't.

[Bluevetteracer]

Agree

Virgins are no fun. They are horrible in bed, and the whole experience is just daunting. You must be slow, patient, caring, and gentle. Not that this is a problem, but I am there to have sex, not teach a class.

Waiting for marriage is great, and you will have your whole life to get into the grove with your husband. But being a virgin is no plus for the sexually active dating crowd.

If any guy thought "doing" virgins was anywhere near fun, is probably sick in the head, or has never been with one. The myth is that they are tight, and that she is just dying to have sex and will be a tight, hot vixen, just for you.

WRONG

Lights out, under the covers, she is tense, you have to be slow, re-assuring, and take it at her pace. Then the surgically slow procedure begins.

[rockin_rio]

Agree

Virgins are no fun. They are horrible in bed, and the whole experience is just daunting. You must be slow, patient, caring, and gentle. Not that this is a problem, but I am there to have sex, not teach a class.

Waiting for marriage is great, and you will have your whole life to get into the grove with your husband. But being a virgin is no plus for the sexually active dating crowd.

If any guy thought "doing" virgins was anywhere near fun, is probably sick in the head, or has never been with one. The myth is that they are tight, and that she is just dying to have sex and will be a tight, hot vixen, just for you.

WRONG

Lights out, under the covers, she is tense, you have to be slow, re-assuring, and take it at her pace. Then the surgically slow procedure begins.

well thanks for that. That makes me feel a whole lot better! I didnt really want advice on how bad I'll be in bed, but rather on what he's wanting out of all this and what I should do about the situation!

[whaywardj]

well thanks for that. That makes me feel a whole lot better! I didnt really want advice on how bad I'll be in bed, but rather on what he's wanting out of all this and what I should do about the situation!

You'll have to forgive Vette, Rio. He's Republican and doesn't know any better than to put his foot in his mouth on a daily basis. Oh, BTW, he's also a pilot.

[rockin_rio]

You'll have to forgive Vette, Rio. He's Republican and doesn't know any better than to put his foot in his mouth on a daily basis. Oh, BTW, he's also a pilot.

Oh right ok. Can I ask for your advice whaywardj,what do you think I should do now based on what's kind of happened?

[RSK]

Oh right ok. Can I ask for your advice whaywardj,what do you think I should do now based on what's kind of happened?

you can ask him ANYTHING you want.......but he'll bill you later



jk

[whaywardj]

Oh right ok. Can I ask for your advice whaywardj,what do you think I should do now based on what's kind of happened?

I thought I offered my impressions in post #4. But if it's something more specific you're after, you have to be a little more specific about what you're asking. Your initial post appears to have a few gaps in it.

For example, I don't know how one instance of him, perhaps clumsily, trying to give you space constitutes "mucking" you about. I don't know how, at a time when he's "ignoring" you, you got from "getting home" to "seeing him." I don't know what you mean by "what's kind of happened." (What DID happen?) Little things like that.

Actually, as your first post stands, it sounds as if you're being a little hyper-sensitive to any "errors" he might commit. As if you're looking for them.

[Bluevetteracer]

Agree

Virgins are no fun. They are horrible in bed, and the whole experience is just daunting. You must be slow, patient, caring, and gentle. Not that this is a problem, but I am there to have sex, not teach a class.

Waiting for marriage is great, and you will have your whole life to get into the grove with your husband. But being a virgin is no plus for the sexually active dating crowd.

If any guy thought "doing" virgins was anywhere near fun, is probably sick in the head, or has never been with one. The myth is that they are tight, and that she is just dying to have sex and will be a tight, hot vixen, just for you.

WRONG

Lights out, under the covers, she is tense, you have to be slow, re-assuring, and take it at her pace. Then the surgically slow procedure begins.

This was an add on comment to haywards comment. Sorry for the derail.

[Bluevetteracer]

You'll have to forgive Vette, Rio. He's Republican and doesn't know any better than to put his foot in his mouth on a daily basis. Oh, BTW, he's also a pilot.

Of course, the thougts and feelings of the ever so compasionate and understanding, what can you DNC do for you?

[whaywardj]

Hehe. How goes it, Vette?

[Bluevetteracer]

Spent my weekend as "O.O.D"

Can it get any worse.

[whaywardj]

What the hell is O.O.D.? Some whacked-out military anagram? Or a streetwise term I'm not up on...since I don't spend any of my time on the streets as most of you seem to.