More than meet the eyes - Love Forum

Fender · #1 (**permalink**) 11-12-05, 06:12 PM

HI all,

I could use some advice or if anyone knows whats happening here.

I went out with this girl on dates before. And she has cancelled dates on me before with valid reasons. So, the last date she suggested the day. So on the actual day of the date, I was going to tell her where exactly to wait for me later that evening. Called her in the morning no reply. Tried a couple more times still no more reply. I left her a msg.

Later that night, saw her online. Msged her she didnt reply. Tried calling her again she didnt pick up. She's like totally avoiding me. What could be the cause of this?.. I'm so lost by this action. She's not communicating with me. Any idea how to get her to open up. Or should I just give up and move on? If she didnt want to go out with me can just say so, right? Dun need to go this extent. Is there more than meet the eyes?

Hugo Pickle · #2 (**permalink**) 11-12-05, 07:25 PM

Dude, you got dissed. But things weren’t all bad in the beginning. You need to go to askmen .com take a few pages from dr. love. He follows the 9 date rule. It goes that every date you have with a girl goes to a different level if it goes right. There are things you do and thing you don’t do on these dates in order to hook them. One of the most important things is being a challenge and exciting. You have to learn to shut your mouth on dates and read her signs.

Here are the mistakes that you made.

First you said that you have gone out on dates before and then she has canceled dates with you before. That’s bad sign number one. Each consecutive date that you have with a girl should peak her interest in you more, not less. But most guys and I think you fit the bill consecutively become less of a challenge instead of more of a challenge. You always have to remember that women are always testing you. They are always trying to see where the limits with you. You should be doing this to them as well.

Mistake number two, you set a time and place for a woman to wait for you. Ha, makes me laugh thinking about it. Do you have any idea how much a woman has to be into you to wait on you when you tell her too? That is something you should not do when dating until much later.

Mistake number three, you constantly called her after she stood you up. Man you have no idea how lame you look to her right now do you? She didn’t show up because she is not interested in you anymore. You blew it man, you consecutively screwed up on dates with her until now she doesn’t want anything more to do with you.

But there is good news. You can repair the damage if you really want to. But it will take a long time, not weeks, maybe not even months. It might be a whole year before her interest in you increases again if you start doing things right from now on. Go to askmen.com right now and start reading the advice columns from dr. love, then post on here what you have learned.

Fender · #3 (**permalink**) 11-12-05, 07:36 PM

Thanx.. Its time I really ask myself if she's worth going thru all that trouble you mention. A yr seemed a long time and there will be other girls that would cross my path by then. I dun quite get the wait for her part you explained. I thought its pretty normal for ppl to set a time n place to meet. You care to elaborate on this point?

Hugo Pickle · #4 (**permalink**) 11-12-05, 08:38 PM

Well you should never date chicks exclusively until they, not you, want to only date you. Why? Firstly because you can bet your but that she isn’t just dating you for one. But secondly if you date someone exclusively from the get go then your mindset as a guy is all screwed up. You want to rush things and turn date number 4 into lets get married and have children. You think in your mind that if she never liked you then she never would have gone out with you. Sorry pal but that is way wrong thinking. Women will go out with people that they don’t know if they like in order to test him to find out if they like him. When women date a guy they are constantly testing him to see if they want to continue to date him.

When a guy goes out on a date, in his mind he has all ready picked the piece of meat that he wants, he is just now trying to take it home. When a woman goes on a date, in her mind she is still shopping for a piece of meat. The problem happens when you try to hard to take the piece of meat home with you but the meat still thinks you’re in the grocery store.

But you also what her to think your not in the bag for her. You want her to think (hopefully know) that any other girl that you are seeing could snatch you up as an exclusive man at a moments notice. You want that sense of urgency in them and desire for you like you’re a hot commodity that might be off the market soon.

Remember that women think about things like this much more than men do, an ounce of challenge on your part is like a pound of worry to them. You have to play hard to get but most men can’t do this as well as women can so for a guy you actually have to make yourself hard to get. The only way to do that is to date more than one woman at a time. There are other ways but explaining it this way is a way that you can understand.

as for the waiting, sorry got off on another topic. its kind of long winded just trust me, don't aska woman to wait somewhere for you while you are still in the dating stage, only when you are firmly gilrfriend and boyfriend can you do that and only when you absolutly have to

Mishanya · #5 (**permalink**) 12-12-05, 09:46 AM

It looks like she's avoiding you big time fender. The only advise I have to give you is "Drop it like it's hot"

Some interesting ideas Hugo Pickle. I completely agree with this statement Each consecutive date that you have with a girl should peak her interest in you more, not less.

Only-virgins · #6 (**permalink**) 15-12-05, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hugo Pickle

You need to go to askmen .com take a few pages from dr. love. He follows the 9 date rule.

lol

______________

Bluevetteracer · #7 (**permalink**) 15-12-05, 11:30 PM

HI all, I could use some advice or if anyone knows whets happening here.
I went out with this girl on dates before.

Good

And she has cancelled dates on me before with valid reasons.

OK

So, the last date she suggested the day.

Who's in charge here?

So on the actual day of the date, I was going to tell her where exactly to wait for me later that evening.

She should be waiting for you?

Called her in the morning no reply.

-Bad Sign

Tried a couple more times still no more reply. I left her a msg.

-Bad move, call ONE TIME. If no answer, then take a hint.

Later that night, saw her online. Msged her she didn't reply.

-Even worse sign.

Tried calling her again she didn't pick up.

-Dude, your stalking her, take the hint.

She's like totally avoiding me.

-You are totally freaking her out? She is not a guy.

What could be the cause of this?..

-She is not interested in you romantically. Take the hint and move on.

I'm so lost by this action.

-Seems clear to me.

She's not communicating with me. Any idea how to get her to open up.

-Well, if you keep up with what you are doing, I bet you will be contacted by her attorney with a restraining order.

Or should I just give up and move on?

-YES

If she didn't want to go out with me can just say so, right? Dun need to go this extent. Is there more than meet the eyes?

She is a women, she needs no explanation for her madness. Either learn to embrace the madness, play the game, and enjoy it, or become the stalking alone weirdo that stays at home on Sat. night wanking it by yourself. Your choice.

Rosebud · #8 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 01:23 AM

If a woman totally avoids you like she has and doesn't answer any messages or anything it's because she's too chicken to tell you to your face she's not interested. Being able to tell someone how you truly feel no matter what the consequences are, comes with maturity.

She's not interested in you and took the easy way out of just avoiding the whole situation. I'd just move on and drop her like a bad habit. And remember just because she wasn't interested doesn't mean you necessarily did something wrong it just means you weren't what SHE was looking for.

But I would also mention not to tell someone to wait for you if you ahve only been on a few dates with them. It's better to either pick them up or meet somewhere at the same time..Don't make them wait because you come off as irresponsible and tardy which is not impressive.

funsounds · #9 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 02:14 AM

dude, she hates your guts...move on...

just a quick comment...never ask anyone to wait! i'm a guy...and i HATE it when a girl makes me wait for her! if it's early on...like first several dates...then, "*****, make me wait? i'm out...your loss. see ya."

don't make people wait for you...and don't wait on people.

Fender · #10 (**permalink**) 17-12-05, 06:23 PM

I've already moved on... no worries abt dat. Maybe i used the wrong word to narrate the story. Its not exactly wait, in the exact sense of the word. Its like how pple usually arrange dates. Ask the other person to 'wait' or meet at this particular place n time. For the records, its not first few dates.. I've known her since june and we were regularly going out till we stopped for the exams. Then she pulled this stunt on me. Thanx again for ur replies. If anyone wants to share simialr experiences that'll be cool.

And staying home on saturdays isnt such a bad idea

. Got lots of exciting soccer matches on TV which I sometimes had to gif up if there were plans.