How NOT to break a heart..... - Love Forum

spcllah · #1 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 06:27 AM

Ok everyone, I need some help. I am pretty sure I know what to do. I would just like some outside unbiased info. Here's the story.

I just moved to the area about 6 months ago. I recently had my heart broken because of a long distance thing. I met someone new here about a week ago. Great guy, my age, but never had his heart broken. I have had mine crushed several times. I'm 24 by the way. I have moved around alot, had a crazy life, etc. And am trying to get my life straightened and have been offered an excellent job about 1000 miles away. I wont be leaving for 6 months though. Anywho, this new guy... excellent wonderful sweet guy. We get along very well. But I'm not ready for a relationship yet. He thinks I am god's greatest gift to men. What do I do? I have kissed many frogs in my life, I finally found a potential prince... but I can't bear to be the one to break his heart. What do I do?? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

Ellynn · #2 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 06:46 AM

It is very sweet of you to think about his feelings ...before your own. Did you tell him about your upcoming job that you are leaving for in 6 months? If not, then I think its good to be upfront about that....and tell him thats the main reason you don't want to get involved with anyone right now. If you did tell him....what did he say?

Either way....its important to let him know your reasons behind not getting involved with him. Then from there....let him make the decision about whether or not he wants to get involved in the meantime. If he does....then I say give it a shot. Who knows? Maybe he would relocate to be with you and he could turn out to be everything you ever wanted...in a guy. And if he chooses not to get involved with you......because of your relocating......it can't hurt to have a friend. I'm not suggesting you do the Long distance relationship thing...seeing as it hasnt worked out well for you before.... But.......maybe at some point in your life you will be able to reconnect....and by being friends it may be easier...

Just do what you feel is right....but make sure your up front about everything. Good luck and keep us updated on what happens!

PureCrazyness05 · #3 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 07:55 AM

If I were this sweet/wonderful guy of yours - I would want the perfect truth. If this dude is 24 he probably has had worse news. Especially if you have only known him a week? It just so happens the girl I am after right now thinks I am sweet/wonderful.... if she were thinking this way I sure would hope for the brutal honest truth rather than be pulled along while she waited to try and not break my heart? This would be much worse than "yeah, I am not ready for this, you are great and all - but not now no" I would like to hear something like this rather than the latter... Well that is from my perspective anyhow --- I wish you luck.

spcllah · #4 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 09:28 AM

So we had a talk tonight, thats basically what I told him. I like him, but given the recent chain of events, my history with long distance relationships, and my upcoming move ( did tell him by the way about that before ) he was very understanding. I also told him that I dont want to be unfair to him and while I would like to continue hanging out and spending time together I dont want to give him false hopes. I have my mind set on this job, and I know I am not emotionally ready for a serious relsationship right now. It was pretty nice though, he was really understanding... even though I am sure it was hard for him I am glad I was honest... I would like the same in return. Thanks everyone.

Bluevetteracer · #5 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 11:03 AM

I put my career and the Mil before the one girl that I feel I should have married. Biggest mistake I ever made.

If you have any feeling for him, love him, think long and hard about leaving him for a job. Maybe he will move to be with you?

Late_vamp · #6 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 12:04 PM

thats exactly what i was thinking Bluevette .

dont take this decision to lightly ... give it some hope , to some level.

Chlorine · #7 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 08:25 PM

spcllah----"I also told him that I dont want to be unfair to him and while I would like to continue hanging out and spending time together I dont want to give him false hopes."

If he is crazy about you, he will have false hopes. When you leave him, he'll probably be hurt.

Tone · #8 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

I put my career and the Mil before the one girl that I feel I should have married. Biggest mistake I ever made.

Damn man. I'm sorry to hear that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

If you have any feeling for him, love him, think long and hard about leaving him for a job. Maybe he will move to be with you?

I agree with this, as well as Ellynn.

Hope everything works out for you two.

Junsui · #9 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 11:08 PM

How long have they been together? If I had just started dating someone, I wouldn't give up a great job opportunity and if I were him, I wouldn't change my whole life and move for the other person. After being together for awhile, that's different.

Tone · #10 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 11:28 PM

That's why I agree with Ellynn - to keep in touch, maybe stay friends and maybe they find out they really are a good match and someone will be willing to move down the road.

(Maybe she finds out she doesn't like the job she gets, etc)

Junsui · #11 (**permalink**) 14-12-05, 11:33 PM

Yep, I was just saying don't change your life for someone you just started seeing.

spcllah · #12 (**permalink**) 15-12-05, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junsui

Yep, I was just saying don't change your life for someone you just started seeing.

Yup... I agree. I have done that before, thinking that the particular guy at the time was " for me" and ended up regretting it. Granted, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I care about this guy as a person, as a friend... but this is a job I have centered the last 3-4 years of my life around. It's my dream job... I have known the guy for a week, maybe two. So, if we had a background, a long solid history, I would no doubt that I would highly reconsider my move, and my over all direction in life... but I have known him only a week. If I don't take this job for him, I will never forgive myself. Thanks for all ya'lls help

TAVS · #13 (**permalink**) 15-12-05, 06:13 AM

Only a week? Only a week? Only a week? Why did you even ask this question of us? The boy can deal.

spcllah · #14 (**permalink**) 15-12-05, 06:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

Only a week? Only a week? Only a week? Why did you even ask this question of us? The boy can deal.

Because I care about him as a friend... and can't stand to be the one to break his heart. I can't very easily go about ignoring him... he has taken it upon himself to be my tour guide to the area because I am new and he has lived here his entire life. I don't want to give him false hopes, but like I said he has convinced myself I am gods greatest gift to men... and no matter how much I try to convince him otherwise... he's not hearin' it. He says he's never had his heart broken... I am not about to be the one who breaks it.

TAVS · #15 (**permalink**) 15-12-05, 06:21 AM

If he's heartbroken after 1 week, the boy needs the practice.
Sure you dont think you're Gods greatest gift to men and transposing that upon him??? Maybe he hasn't had his heart broken before because he doesn't fall madly in love with someone after 1-2 weeks together.