Very lost, what should I do?? - Love Forum

SONOIL · #1 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 08:17 AM

Here is the deal. A little history first.

I was datingthis girl for three and a half years, we got engaged and were planning for the wedding. Than she started behaving weird: calling me less often, being bitchy to me and judging me for any little shit she could find about me. I love her so much so I would let it slide every time and tried to work things out with her. One day I was going home form work and she called me, i could tell something was about to happen by her voice, so I asked her what was going on? She said that she wasn't happy and that she was this and that and to cut it short for her I just asked her straight out "So you wanna leave?" And she said yes. That how it ended. We didn't talk for about three weeks than she called me and told me that she felt bad about going like this, and that it wasn't right but she just wasn't happy with me and stuff like that. I forgot to mention one thing-we have long distance relationship, She lives in New York, I live in Chicago. So anyway, after she called me we sort of start talking again once in a while, time to time I would ask her about us and if she wanted to get back together and she would get mad and upset evrytime we've talked about it, I couldn't take it anymore so I packed up and went to New York to tell her that I still love her very much and to get things straight. It was a surprise visit andat first she was very mad at me for that, but after we talked she agreed to go back together. That was on November 2nd of 2005. She used to say before that she wasn't shure if I love her or if I'm being sencire, but after my visit we were so crazy in love again,we were happy again.... We started planning for the wedding and everything was going normal until three days ago. It feels like she's roasting me again for any small little crap, like we were gonna live in Chicago and she was more than happy mo move, now she's talking about buying a house in New York, she just talks and looks for any little crap to sabotage our relationship again.
Like I said, three days ago she told me that I'm not serious enough about our future life together, I told her that we gonna buy house here in Chicago or condo or somethingshe started arguing with me, that may be it would be better to move to NY, and I told her that we a little far from that moment now ( we were planning our wedding on October on next year), whe we'll be around that time, we will see what going to more comfortable for us and more affordable. She just said that "You not being serious,you think like a little child, we have to plan things ahead, when you think you serious call me back!" and she hungup the phone. It's been three days now since she did that and we didn't talk since then, I believe from my side I've proven to her beyond reasonable doubt that I love her and want to be with her, but why is she doing this to me asgain?? I really upset by what she did and said and I don't feel like I should be the one who should call first plus I'm taking care of the major part of the wedding financially.
What do you think folks?? Should I call her back or wait for her call?? The thing is that she was suppused come here on the 20th to stay over for Christmas and New Years and ofcourse the tickets were my courtesy. I just don't know what to do. I love her so much and feel really depressed, but at the same time I belive I've proven enough to her that I love her! I just think if I call her I'm gonna look like pussy whipped and she will doing same thing to me in the future. Please help wit advice or suggestion. Thank You All!!!

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 08:39 AM

I think expecting her to move from New York to Chicago is a LOT to ask, so I don't blame her for getting cold feet. You are asking her to walk away from her ENTIRE LIFE. You really don't think that should be talked about well in advance of making plans for getting married?

My guess is that if you love her, you will stop acting like a stubborn child, call her, and tell her she was right.

Sorry to be harsh, and Happy Christmas to you.

Rosebud · #3 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 08:58 AM

Yep I agree with Vashti! It's not that easy to move away from everything you've ever known. So for her to be questioning that is no surprise and you really shouldn't be that harsh on her for it. Come on, I'm sure you guys are both under a lot of stress from planning a wedding.

funsounds · #4 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 10:35 AM

i think she sounds like a psycho...

Sumatra · #5 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 11:45 AM

Well i don't think you are being childish at all. If two people really love eachother and have already committed to getting married, shouldn't they be ready/eager to start a life together no matter where it is? To me, it seems like she is instigating un-necessary drama and fueling fires for no reason. You sound like you've been more than open to all the ideas she is suggesting, but if you guys can't agree to do something, or if what she wants is not going to work for you, then that's your answer ultimately. Goodluck!

SONOIL · #6 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 11:58 AM

Well i did call her. We start talking again about our situations, I tried to tell her that i love her and want to be with her and to me it doesn't matter as long as i have the person i love next to me. She said that i always come out in every conversation like an angel and she's the one to blame for... And she hung up.

Sumatra · #7 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 12:00 PM

Ugh. Drama.

For the record, NOTHING about what you said was directing blame anywhere. Maybe she just wants attention?

Junsui · #8 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 08:23 PM

I think you should break up with her. You two are/were engaged, were you just going to live in seperate cities once you got married?

vashti · #9 (**permalink**) 16-12-05, 11:57 PM

Assuming it is truly no big deal to expect one to drop their life and move somewhere else for a long-distance relationship (meaning you really don't have any idea what life will be like for the two of you once you live in the same city), I think Lionos ought to offer to be the one to do the life-dropping and move to New York. That is a better city, anyway.

Debunkt · #10 (**permalink**) 17-12-05, 12:25 AM

For serious, vasthti. You can't just tell someone "you're going to move to me." One person has to be the one to give in to the move. It sounds like neither of you really thought that out beforehand. I mean if she already said she was going to move, she must not have been too committed to that. Why can't you move?

And another thing, I can't believe you got engaged BEFORE you moved. That's nuts. In a LDR, it's best to be together (whether it be close to each other or with each other) before you take that next step of engagement.

Junsui · #11 (**permalink**) 17-12-05, 01:02 AM

Oh so they've never lived in the same area? I guess I misunderstood the whole thing. I think it's messed up to already be engaged then.

Rosebud · #12 (**permalink**) 17-12-05, 01:32 AM

I'm assuming you both are still under a lot of stress due to all this wedding stuff, and that's why she's acting the way she is but then again i could be completely wrong. I mean has she acted this way before? I'm referring to the smart comments and making everything out to be an insult against her. I guess I would still try and talk to ehr to find out where all her anger is coming from and try and talk it out. Other than that, without knowing what's really bothering her I can't really give any solid advice.