Upset and Pissed: X-Mas Gifts - Love Forum

dyno930 · #1 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 08:27 AM

Hey everyone. I have a problem and I dont know how to feel... well actually I do. I feel upset and ticked off at my boyfriend of 5 years. here's the problem. for the past 5 years we been together i've been spending x-mas with his family and we always bought them gifts. so this year im finally going to spend some time with my family... well for a little while and still go see his family because i thought that would only be fair. Well anyways... here's the problem... we're buying christmas gifts and i wanted to buy everyone a gift since i finally got a good job. so my i bought my family gifts... then i wanted to buy presents for his side of the family... i got all his nephews and niece, and his dad, but i still had to get for his sisters and brother. but he told me not too because for the past 5 years we got them gifts and they're not gonna get us anything... (I still wanted to give them a gift, but he kept saying no). so we got my brother these shoes that was supposed to be here today and never came because it was delayed... so this is what he says to me... he says, "This is so much trouble! No more gifts next year! we didnt even get my family anything! and that looks bad on my part!" so when he said that, i was like

now he's upset... even though i've been pushing to give his family presents when he didnt now he's blaming it on me... is it wrong for me to feel upset or pissed.

sorry for the long essay... haha... thanks for reading though

clynn · #2 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 08:39 AM

hey - i'd be pissed toooo!

I agree it is trouble, but either you do it or don't and he should be equally as supportive of your family as you've been of his.

Just my 2 cents but i'm in cranky pants christmas mood now.

vashti · #3 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 09:51 AM

Don't you find that fighting over gift-giving ruins the spirit of the holiday?

Ultimately, you are not married, and your money is your own to do with as you please, as is his. If he chooses not to buy gifts, that is his choice. If you would like to, then do it. Why are you fighting about how you each spend your money?

I am so happy my family doesn't make a big deal out of gift-giving and receiving. We all do the kids and that is it. The rest of the year, if we feel moved to, we buy gifts that come from the heart rather than from obligation. This makes the holidays less burdensome.

Frasbee · #4 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 10:09 AM

Who cares if he doesn't wanna get 'em gifts.

That's his decision.

I rarely get people I know gifts.

misombra · #5 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 11:00 AM

::please refer to my comment in the "pc-ness of x-mas" thread::

Hugo Pickle · #6 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 11:17 PM

No you have a reason to be upset and frustrated and so does he. Everyone I know that has this problem now alters who they will spend Christmas with. IE one year it is with her family and one year it is with his family. It is fair, honest, and both families usually understand the problem. But as other posters have said, yes it is your money so do with as you want. I think everything just got to you both as everything tends to get to us all when the holidays arrive. Christmas shopping, crowds, who is seeing who, getting the same gift or having to change one out at the last minuet, shipping delays. It all sucks sometimes. Some older married couples that I know now go on vacation shortly before or after the holidays simply to reduce the stress of it all.

Lloyd95 · #7 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 11:24 PM

I find that once couples get married, Christmas is usually spent with the girls side of the family. Just another example of them getting their way; not that I'm bitter or anything.

TAVS · #8 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 11:31 PM

Really? Every one I know does Thanksgiving with one family; Christmas with the Other and then the next year, you switch.

Lloyd95 · #9 (**permalink**) 23-12-05, 11:33 PM

I ended up doing all holidays on the In-law side. Got Christmas eve on my side.

blackiesharley · #10 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 01:24 AM

Well, between reading this thread and mine 'Xmas dinner, how would you feel?' it seems that holidays are deadly for relationships....

Kinda sad.....

Junsui · #11 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

Really? Every one I know does Thanksgiving with one family; Christmas with the Other and then the next year, you switch.

I'm always at my mom's for Thanksgiving and then my dad's for Christmas, so when I add in the SO's family, it makes it even more difficult.

vashti · #12 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junsui

I'm always at my mom's for Thanksgiving and then my dad's for Christmas, so when I add in the SO's family, it makes it even more difficult.

It is easier to celebrate at your own home, and make them all come to you.

(We've missed you Junsui!)

clynn · #13 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

It is easier to celebrate at your own home, and make them all come to you.

Nice idea, but if everyone too this approach, everyone would be staying home and there would be not visiting at all.

dyno930 · #14 (**permalink**) 28-12-05, 02:31 AM

thanks for your replies. i was just venting out. Christmas is just a fustrating time... but we came to a compromise and spent christmas at my folks place in the morning and his at night. glad christmas is finally over!