Is he genuine...?

[MissK]

Hi,
The guy that I like hasn’t been that much of a nice guy when it comes to dating women etc in the past. Everything that I heard was negative, in that he saw so many women and cheated. I have known him for two years now and for the last six months he’d flirt with me on and off but I made it clear with him nothing would ever happen as at the time he was supposedly seeing someone. Then he broke up with her just as I started seeing someone else. The person I saw was lovely, he really respected me and in my parents eyes was the perfect boyfriend. The only thing was that I just wasn’t as attracted to him as he was to me. I still really felt attracted to this other guy.
Anyway, I broke up with my boyfriend and recently the first guy has seemed to have changed his ways. He says he’s over hurting girls as its bad and immature and that he is after quality now and can wait forever for that and he hasn’t really felt this way before and that he respects and cares for me and would never hurt me.
I have liked this man for so long and really just want to know if he is just telling me what I want to hear or genuinely has had a wake up call. Even though I’ve heard things about him I have always thought it was important to get to know someone yourself and make your own judgements. Obviously none of you know him so cant give me those answers but perhaps just tips on how to tell how genuine someone’s feelings are…
Thanks

[clynn]

Well, sometimes people do change. And with the right woman they do also.

I guess I would say that you'll never know unless you try.

But tread carefully.

[funsounds]

clynn is right...sometimes people do change...but it's RARE RARE RARE!!!! most people do not change. if i were in vegas, i'd put all my money on him just saying what you want to hear.

a note on something clynn said: here's the thing about someone changing for you...i mean, i know stories and movies romanticize someone changing for someone else...but don't buy into that garbage. people should change to better themself...not to better themself in order to get someone (which is just changing for that person). why is that? lemme tell you what happens...so a guy changes his stripes for a girl...time passes, you hit a rough patch. you know what happens when you hit the rough patch? the guy reverts to his old self...his true self...cuz his change was invested in another person, not himself.

if a person changes for themself...then it has a shot at being real. otherwise, it's fragile at best.

[MissK]

Thank you both!
I really hadnt thought of it that way in terms of changing. He says that he has better self esteem in himself etc and generally feeling better about himself after going through a bit of a rough patch. So at this stage it would seem to me that it was initially for himself.
I really think it will be time that tells. I think he is worth the risk as opposed to sitting back and always wondering what might have been, I'll just have to take things slowly.

[TyRuK]

I know the reply is a bit late but just say you drop a ball and it hits the floor. Then you pick it up and drop it again! What will it do? well it should drop to the floor but it could float up to the ceiling!! The point is don't use the past to tell the future! Sure he has been a bit of a player but he really could genuinely(sp) want you! Just go for it you only live once!

[ReneeA]

huh? well i've never heard of floating balls, but put more value on his actions than on what he says...but yes, take risks and learn lessons.