Question? - Love Forum

jebmaro · #1 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 05:00 AM

This may be a bit silly, but I am curious about this. Here`s the story: I was at dinner with this girl I have been seeing for a while now the other night. We are basically friends, but with hopes of more. Anyways, we were sitting there talking and at times we wouldn`t say anything and we would make steady eye contact, but not say anything. We would just sit there and look into each other`s eyes for a moment. I would eventually smile at her and wink at her. She would smile back and that would end that type of eye contact and we would start talking again. I was just curious if there was anything to read from that or is that just nothing? Thanks

TAVS · #2 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 05:24 AM

Sounds like you're too boring and dont have anything to talk about so instead you have awkward silence.

funsounds · #3 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 05:26 AM

that's a good thing, son. i love gazing into my girls eyes. good stuff.

jebmaro · #4 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 05:40 AM

Our dates are never boring and we have plenty to talk about, but there are times where there is silence and we just look into each other`s eyes. They are not awkward situations at all. They are actually quite comfortable

clynn · #5 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 07:12 AM

Verrrrrrrryyyy cute.

Sounds like googly eyes to me.

#6 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 07:56 AM

I agree with clynn!

Turn the heat up a bit, step up your game, make this girl yours!

jebmaro · #7 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

I agree with clynn!

Turn the heat up a bit, step up your game, make this girl yours!

I agree as well with clynn. It does feel like she has googley eyes when we look at each other like that. Although, flirting with her seems to be very difficult. I have tried to push her into something before and it backfired on me. It`s amazing I`ve been able to stay in her good graces and still be friends with her. I never did anything bad to her, but wasn`t fully understanding of her situation and I made a few assumptions I shouldn`t have. We are building a friendship with each other and then seeing where it goes. I feel turning up the heat may put me in the permanent friend department with no hopes of having an emotionally intimate relationship with her. I`ve never experienced the type of situation she and I are in right now, so I`m at a bit of a loss with her. I don`t know how to flirt with her without her thinking I`m coming on to her.

Lloyd95 · #8 (**permalink**) 24-12-05, 09:04 AM

If you Google "googley eyes", wonder what site it would take you to...

#9 (**permalink**) 25-12-05, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jebmaro

I feel turning up the heat may put me in the permanent friend department with no hopes of having an emotionally intimate relationship with her.

Wow that's odd. I think the exact opposite cause I think if you keep on stayin in the 'friend zone' too long it will be impossible to come out. Because then when you do try you'll get the "I'm really sorry Jimmy, but I could never date you - you're like my brother, my best friend! I don't want to ruin our GREAT FRIENDSHIP with relationship drama"

Maybe you just don't know how to turn up the heat? Maybe you think that it means to come on extremely strong...?

Prodigal · #10 (**permalink**) 25-12-05, 04:11 AM

Well, here's the thing: there isn't really a way to flirt without implying that you are coming on to her... since you like her, right? I think the only way someone could flirt with someone without seeming as coming on is if that person flirts with a lot of people (which is not exactly a good thing, and it doesn't seem like you are that type anyway).

Actually, let me rephrase that. To flirt 'effectively' there's no way to do it without seeming like you're coming on to her. You can flirt subtlely, but chances are that she won't pick up on them. By flirting you want to signal to her that you're interested in her (so that maybe she'll flirt back, right?), so I would assume that it would involve implying coming on to her. You gotta find a balance: come off too strong and she might get turned away. Don't come off strong enough and she might not even know you're interested.

You seem a bit afraid, and that's natural. But chances are that you'll have to take a risk sometime if you want something more to happen. Maybe step it up gradually or something. Start subtle and if she doesn't seem to be catching it, gradually be a little more obvious.

jebmaro · #11 (**permalink**) 25-12-05, 09:42 AM

I definately appreciate what your saying, but maybe I should have said things a bit differently. Yes, I am afraid of flirting with her and I`ll tell you why. I have known her for about 6 months now and things have been going very slowly. I liked her from the beginning, but wasn`t overly crazy about her or anything. Then, all of the sudden, I started getting really strong feelings for her and it overwhelmed me. I have been out of the dating scene for several years now to let you know. I started flirting with her fairly heavy and it pushed her away and caused some difficulties between us. I managed, by the grace of the Lord, to get back into good graces with her. We are now reestablishing a friendship again. I have been flirting with her, but very subtly. I`m sure she has noticed that I have been, but I have been doing it in a better way so as to not push her away again. It`s a touchy situation, that`s going to require great patience on my part to get things fully back on the right track. Who knows where she and I will be in another 6 months, but I really like her a lot and she is a great person. I was just curious as to everyone`s opinion on the eye contact that we were making the other night. We had made that same type of eye contact in the past, but I held my gazes a bit too long before. This time, I`m not letting them hold as long, but ending them in a wink. Thanks everyone and Merry Christmas

theotherguy0123 · #12 (**permalink**) 25-12-05, 09:58 AM

Hey, well since you known her for a while now, she sees you as not a flirty type, so if you suddenly start to flirt with her, she'll feel strange, seeing where you are now, i guess best thing to do is to talk to her about it. Merry Christmas.

Vanilla Gilr · #13 (**permalink**) 25-12-05, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lloyd95

If you Google "googley eyes", wonder what site it would take you to...

"Purciful's Magical Toys"....

....come on....you KNEW some moron was gonna do it....might as well be me!

theotherguy0123 · #14 (**permalink**) 25-12-05, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla Gilr

"Purciful's Magical Toys"....

....come on....you KNEW some moron was gonna do it....might as well be me!

haha actually i was the first idiot to do it, lol.

ReneeA · #15 (**permalink**) 25-12-05, 10:40 AM

I can totally relate to the googly eyes stare fest. I used to date a guy that i felt was my "soulmate" -for lack of a better word- and we would just stare deep into each other's eyes for no apparent reason. It wasn't awkward- it was beautiful. We had a great romance that did eventually end but it was great while it lasted. I guess I was looking at him to almost find the reason why I loved him so much or why he made me feel the way that i did. But like you said-it wasn't uncomfortable - and we were friends first which probably had something to do with it.

The fact that she stares back is a good sign.

There's nothing wrong with being friends first-it might just make ur bond stronger- but you have to know when to turn up the heat. You'll have to use your judgement for that. Continue to have conversations. Conversation is good. Ask questions and share your past with her, but don't overkill y'know? Leave something to her imagination that she may want to find out herself by being with you....Also, because you pushed a little too hard last time, ease up this time around. She may be expecting you to smother her which she doesn't want by the sounds of it. If you ease up then you may just peak her interest as she might wonder why you're not all over her as were before.

What if you told her that she was beautiful when you guys were making serious eye contact? Or if you touched her ever so slightly like on her chin. ahh the power of touch. (The wink is hot by the way.) Anywho, I hope it everything works out in ur favour. Good luck!